Our Thoughts on “X Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time”

X Rated List

This month, Showtime is running Eli Cross/Bryn Pryor and Paul Fishbein‘s documentary X Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time; overall, I found the documentary to be a little too self-serious, and I have some issues with the list of movies they chose — most notably, there’s a gap covering the Silver and Iron Ages — between 1984 and 1992 — which should not have been overlooked, IMHO.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I am excited that this movie got produced at all, let alone scored distribution on Showtime, the other major American cable network that isn’t HBO.

Chanel Preston hosted the proceedings, providing opening and closing stand-ups, connective tissue and some brief in-studio interviews with Christy CanyonWesley Emerson (Cass Paley), Kimberly Kane and Ana Foxxx

The format was pretty rigid – generous amounts of harder-than-expected footage from the films  in question, intercut with talking heads – usually people involved in the movie. Due to the size of the list and the length of the documentary, each movie only got a bit over 2 minutes of discussion each.

(Speaking of the interviews, some of them were presented waaaay over-exposed.  I’m not sure of the stylistic choice of presenting it this way, but I found it distracting, when correctly exposed footage seemed to exist.)

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In addition, when participants in the movies couldn’t be found, they relied on recent starts to offer opinions or summaries – for example, Skin Diamond (Best Oral (get it?), 2014 AVN Awards) was used to do the heavy lifting summarizing Deep Throat, since pretty everyone involved in that movie is dead now; Riley Reid talked about Blonde AmbitionCasey Calvert spoke about Nothing to Hide 1

But, BUT! They did get some great modern-day footage of performers Constance MoneyGeorgina SpelvinKay Parker, Eric EdwardsRichard Pacheco and Gloria Leonard from her final interview (courtesy of Steven Morowitz of Distribpix – Steven’s blog posting about his participation)

We talked about the doc during the latest episode of ThisAintNotTheViewXXX and how the makers completely skipped over The Silver and Iron Age of the adult movie — just off the tops of our heads, we had to wonder where was New Wave Hookers (1985) or Night Trips  (1989) or Chameleon (1989) or Adventures of Buttman (1989) or  Dog Walker (1994).  (1989 was a really great year for porn!) We couldn’t find a list of the movies, so I put my own together.

Major directors are overlooked – where is Bob Chinn? Robert McCallum? Carter StevensSvetlanaAlex DeRenzy?  Henri Fucking PachardThe Dark Brothers? John Leslie?  Cecil Howard’s great, but does he deserve three movies on the list?  No mention of Seka except for an appearance in a coming attraction that ran under the credits?

Any list will have its omissions, so I wonder if there were outside forces influencing some of the choices – was Johnny Wadd passed over because Chinn didn’t  want to participate?  (I have no clue; just using him as an example.)  Could they not get the rights to show clips from New Wave Hookers?  (Same caveat.)

Here’s their list, ordered by year of release, which is how the documentary was structured:

  1. Deep Throat (1972), directed by Gerard Damiano
  2. Behind the Green Door 1 (1972), directed by Artie Mitchell and Jim Mitchell
  3. Devil in Miss Jones 1 (1973), directed by Gerard Damiano
  4. Opening of Misty Beethoven (1975), directed by Henry Paris
  5. Barbara Broadcast (1977), directed by Henry Paris
  6. Debbie Does Dallas 1 (1978), directed by Jim Buckley
  7. Blonde Ambition (1980), directed by John Amero and Lem Amero
  8. Taboo 1 (1980), directed by Kirdy Stevens
  9. Neon Nights (1981), directed by Cecil Howard
  10. Cafe Flesh (1982), directed by Rinse Dream
  11. Scoundrels (1982), directed by Cecil Howard
  12. Roommates (1981), directed by Chuck Vincent
  13. Nothing to Hide 1 (1981*), directed by Anthony Spinelli
  14. Firestorm (1984), directed by Cecil Howard
  15. Hidden Obsessions (1992), directed by Andrew Blake
  16. Justine: Nothing to Hide 2 (1993), directed by Paul Thomas
  17. Latex (1995), directed by Michael Ninn
  18. Flashpoint (1998), directed by Brad Armstrong
  19. Looker 1 (1998), directed by Nic Cramer
  20. Seven Deadly Sins (1999), directed by Ren Savant
  21. Dark Angels (2000), directed by Nick Andrews
  22. Fashionistas 1 (2002), directed by John Stagliano
  23. Masseuse 1 (2004), directed by Paul Thomas
  24. New Devil in Miss Jones (2005), directed by Paul Thomas
  25. Pirates (2005), directed by Joone
  26. Corruption (2006), directed by Eli Cross
  27. Upload (2007), directed by Eli Cross
  28. Fallen (2008), directed by Brad Armstrong
  29. 8th Day (2009), directed by Ren Savant
  30. Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody (2012), directed by Axel Braun
  31. Underworld (2013), directed by Brad Armstrong
  32. Wasteland (2012), directed by Graham Travis
  33. Submission Of Emma Marx (2013), directed by Jacky St. James and Eddie Powell

* A quick note on years: According to the US Copyright Office, Nothing to Hide has a date of publication of December 18, 1981. The AFAA and CFAA gave it awards in 1981, it won “Best Film” at the 1982 Adam Film World awards, but AVN didn’t give it any awards until 1984, and in their book “AVN Guide to the 500 Greatest Adult Films of All Time” they list the date as 1983; which the copyright office lists as the date of registration (not the date of creation). IMDB also lists its release as 1981.

What are your thoughts on the list?

The 2015 Spank Bank Award Winners

THE SPANK BANK AWARD WINNERS

In its now traditional locale of @gabriel_lan‘s lavish living room in warm, sunny Nowhere Special, USA, the 5th annual Spank Bank Awards show was bigger and better than ever this year.

The Spank Bank Awards are voted on by a panel of porn critics (@gabriel_lan), noted adult film connoisseurs (@gabriel_lan), outside adult industry media insiders (@gabriel_lan), x-rated film fans (@gabriel_lan), and a committee chairman (also @gabriel_lan). Nominees who entice or influence the panel with any form of ‘sweet talking’, ‘sexual innuendo’, ‘buttering up’, or outright eluding to sexual favors greatly increase their chances of winning.

Technical awards were given out at a luncheon ceremony held earlier in the week at an offsite location.  The winners of those honorable mentions follow the main awards:

The 2015 Spank Bank Awards

Headshot of Jennifer White

Most Spanked To Girl of the Year

Jennifer White

Headshot of Casey Calvert

Dirty Little Slut of the Year

Casey Calvert

Headshot of Adriana Chechik

Ho Holes of the Year

Adriana Chechik

Headshot of Penny Pax

America’s Porn Sweetheart

Penny Pax

Headshot of Chanel Preston

Asshole of the Year

Chanel Preston

Headshot of Remy LaCroix

Bad Ass Brunette of the Year

Remy LaCroix

Headshot of Jennifer White

BBC Slut of the Year

Jennifer White

Headshot of Chastity Lynn

Best “Come Fuck Me” Eyes

Chastity Lynn

Headshot of Chase Ryder

Best “O” Face

Chase Ryder

Headshot of Jada Stevens

Best All Around Ho

Jada Stevens

Headshot of Keisha Grey

Best Body

Keisha Grey

Headshot of Chanel Preston

Best Hands (aka Puppeteer of the Year)

Chanel Preston

Headshot of Madelyn Rose

Best High Speed DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)

Madelyn Rose

Headshot of Scarlet Red

Best Legs

Scarlet Red

Headshot of Jillian Janson

Best Smile

Jillian Janson

Headshot of Penny Pax

Best Unborn Baby Swallower

Penny Pax

Headshot of Carter Cruise

Best Vocals (While Being Railed)

Carter Cruise

Headshot of Anikka Albrite

Blonde Bombshell of the Year

Anikka Albrite

Headshot of Alex Chance

Boobalicious Babe of the Year

Alex Chance

Headshot of Adriana Chechik

Breakthrough Star of the Year

Adriana Chechik

Headshot of Maddy O'Reilly

Cock Sucking Whore of the Year

Maddy O’Reilly

Headshot of Veruca James

Cum Dumpster of the Year

Veruca James

Headshot of Sheena Ryder

Cumback of the Year

Sheena Ryder

Headshot of Mick Blue

Dick of the Year

Mick Blue

Headshot of A.J. Applegate

DP Diva of the Year

A.J. Applegate

Headshot of Emma Haize

Fetish Floozie of the Year

Emma Haize

Headshot of Dakota Skye

Fucking Nerd of the Year

Dakota Skye

Headshot of Alex Tanner

Fun Sized Fuck Bunny

Alex Tanner

Headshot of Veruca James

Gang Banged Slut of the Year

Veruca James

Headshot of Maddy O'Reilly

Hardest Working Ho in Ho Biz

Maddy O’Reilly

Headshot of Samantha Bentley

Imported Whore of the Year

Samantha Bentley

Headshot of Holly Hanna

Life Sized Human Hand Puppet

Holly Hanna

Headshot of Tara Morgan

Masturbator of the Year

Tara Morgan

Headshot of Anikka Albrite

Mattress Actress of the Year

Anikka Albrite

Headshot of Dakota Skye

Most Adorable Slut

Dakota Skye

Headshot of Kayden Kross

Most Beautiful Whore

Kayden Kross

Headshot of Missy Monroe

Most Magnificent MILF

Missy Monroe

Headshot of Violet Monroe

Most Photogenic Slut

Violet Monroe

Headshot of Leya Falcon

Most Underrated Whore

Leya Falcon

Headshot of Phoenix Marie

Most Voluptuous Vixen

Phoenix Marie

Headshot of Carter Cruise

Newcummer of the Year

Carter Cruise

Headshot of Aidra Fox

Porn’s Next “It” Girl

Aidra Fox

Headshot of Jillian Janson

Prettiest Girl In Porn

Jillian Janson

Headshot of Sarah Shevon

Pussy Eating Princess of the Year

Sarah Shevon

Headshot of Ash Hollywood

Pussy of the Year

Ash Hollywood

Headshot of Alice Green

Red Haired Harlot of the Year

Alice Green

Headshot of Karla Kush

Sexiest Inked Slut

Karla Kush

Headshot of Dahlia Sky

Sexiest Woman Alive

Dahlia Sky

Headshot of Bonnie Rotten

Super Squirter of the Year

Bonnie Rotten

Headshot of Jenna J Ross

The Girl Next Door … Only Better

Jenna J Ross

Headshot of Claire Robbins

The Total Package

Claire Robbins

Headshot of Carter Cruise

Tweeting Twat of the Year

Carter Cruise

Headshot of Casey Calvert

Two Hot Dogs in a Hallway

Casey Calvert

Headshot of Casey Calvert

Wet Dream Girl

Casey Calvert

The 2015 Spank Bank ‘Technical’ Awards

A Bad Girl To Blow Your Mind

A Booty That Don’t Need Explaining

A Little Slice of Pink Heaven

A Living, Breathing Doll

A True Evil Angel

All The Right Junk In All The Right Places

Ambidextrous Jack Off Artist

American Porn Idol

America’s Favorite Pole Dancer

America’s Next Top Porn Model

Ariana Grande’s Sluttier Doppleganger

Badass Ball Busting Bitch

Begging For a Crack Attack

Bespectacled Buttsex Addict

Best BareAss Baker

Best Canadian Treat Since Maple Syrup

Best Cleavage

Best Couch Cuddling Cooze

Best Cum Covered Grin

Best Cushion For The Pushin’

Best Demonstration of ‘Self Fisting’

Best Display of Choking on Dick

Best Dressed Slut

Best G/G Kisser

Best Gape

Best Groomed Bearded Clam

Best Honeymoon Hostess

Best Nails For Digging Into Your Back

Best New Additions

Best Piercing

Best Reason To Get Satellite Radio

Best Road Trip / Road Head Giver

Best Self Photographer

Best Thing To Come Out of Russia Since Vodka

Best Twisted Sense of Humor

Best Usage of Camel Toe in a Public Setting

Best Youtube Channel EVER!

Better Than Any Monet mASSterpiece

Bionic Blonde Starfish

Bottomless Butthole

Brainiac Bimbo of the Year

ButtFucked Bellezza

Chillest Bitch on the Planet

Chronic Masturbator

Clam Crazed Cooze

Classiest Cooze

Cornholed Comptroller

Curly Haired Sex Kitten

Cutest Pouty Face

Deepest Throat

Director of Devilish Deviants

Dirtiest Debut of the Year

Dirtiest Mind

Dirtpipe Gangsta

Exotic Goddess

Fantasy “Best Friends’ Mom”

Favorite Porn Star of Girlfriends Everywhere

Freakiest Freckle Faced Cutie

Friendliest Cum Junkie

Hot As Fuck in Any Language

Hottest Home Improvement Harlot

Hottest Video Gamer on Earth

Indestructable Poop Chute

Instagram Girl of the Year

Kitten So Good, It’s Drippin’ On Wood

Magical Pussy

Marilyn Monroe’s Porn Clone

Miss Personality

More Time Masturbating = No Time For Drama

Most Downloaded Slut of the Year

Most Eager Spanking Receiver

Most Flexible Floozie

Most ‘Hands On’ Director

Most Likely To Fuck at the Bar While in the Bar

Most Likely To Have A ‘Spitting’ Orgasm

Most Likely To Mix a Beat While Being Ass Fucked

Most Likely To Star In Her Own XXX Anime Feature

Most Magnificent Meat Curtains

Most Perverted PAWG

Most Reliable Whore

Most Squeezable Badonkadonk

Most Stunning Facial

Most Talented Tramp

Nicest Nympho

NOT ‘Gay For Pay’, But Bi EVERY Day

Perfecter of the Perfect Stroke

Perfection Personified

Prettiest Pink Stink

Prettiest Pink Taco

Princess of Profanity

Proof of the Existence of Amazonian Warriors

Prototype of All Future Sex Machines

Pussy Pumping Party Hostess

Queen of the Chicken Wing

Queen of the Dommed

Queen of the Rim Job

Queen of the Slurp

Real Life Mythical Creature

Ropeburn’s Best Friend

Ruling The World With A Manicured Iron Fist

Runway Model Gone Bad

She’ll Leave You Breathless

Size Queen of the Year

Smoothest Cock Sockets

Sphincter Wizard Surrounded By Muggles

Stunning Sweetheart

Teenage Dream

Thank God She Does Anal Now!

Thank God She Does Anal Now! Part 2

Thank God She Does Anal Now! Part 3

Thank God She Takes Vitamin ‘D’ Now!

The 7 AM Cookie Monster

The American Dream

The Darker The Berry, The Sweeter The Juice

The Gaped Crusader

The Grandest Canyon

The Human Party

The Notorious V.A.G.

The Pale (Cock) Rider

The Perfect All American Girl

The Porn Stars’ Favorite Pussy Eater

The Queen of B&W Photography

The Unspoken Of Filthy Disney Princess

Total Jackoff Material

Triple (Penetration) Threat

Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio

World’s Most Beautiful Envelope Licker

World’s Sexiest Sci-Fi Nerd

World’s Sweetest Slut

Worship Worthy Booty