The 2016 Spank Bank Award Nominees Are…


Live from my newly remodeled man cave in the suburbs of warm, sunny Nowhere Special, USA it’s time for the 6th Annual Spank Bank Awards, proudly presented to you by! The Spank Bank Awards were founded on the ideal of giving recognition to the dirty little sluts in the adult industry who may (or may not) receive the accolades they deserve from some other awards shows. This year’s collection of perverted honors features a record number of major categories, including (for the 1st time in Spank Bank history) awards for Website, Production Studio, and Director of the Year along with Dick of the Year for the male performers. And as always, there is an abundance of ‘technical’ awards (to be given out at a separate ceremony later this month) giving kudos on a variety of subjects.

The titles of ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, ‘Dirty Little Slut of the Year’, and the highly coveted ‘Most Spanked To Girl of the Year’ – aka the unholy trinity of filthy awards excellence – were once again an all out war for slutty supremacy. Whether they win or not, every single nominee should be commended for not only their contribution to porn, but for their generous donations to the welfare of mankind in general. Especially to the dirty minded perverts among us. So, without further ado, the results of this year’s Spank Bank Awards:

* Spank Bank Awards are voted on by a panel of porn critics (me), noted adult film connoisseurs (me), outside adult industry media insiders (me), x-rated film fans (me), and a committee chairman (also me). Nominees who entice or influence the panel with any form of ‘sweet talking’, ‘sexual innuendo’, ‘buttering up’, or outright eluding to sexual favors greatly increase their chances of winning.

America’s Porn Sweetheart

Asshole of the Year

ATM Machine

Bad Ass Brunette of the Year

BBC Slut of the Year

Best All Around Porn Goddess

Best Ass Licking Artist

Best Body Built For Sin

Best Booty

Best ‘Come Fuck Me’ Eyes

Best High Speed DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)

Best ‘Just Got Fucked’ Hair

Best Legs

Best ‘O’ Face

Best ‘Resting Bitch’ Face

Best Smile

Best Swallower

Best Vocals

Bionic Butthole

Blonde Babe of the Year

Bondage Artiste of the Year

Boobalicious Babe of the Year

Born To Hand Job

Cocksucker of the Year

Countess of Contortionism

Cumback of the Year

Customs Making Mogul of the Year

Deepest Throat

Dick of the Year

Director of the Year

Dirty Little Slut of the Year

DP Diva of the Year

Excellence in Lawn Maintenance (aka Best Groomed Bush)

Fetish Virtuoso of the Year

Fucking Nerd of the Year

Fun Sized Fuck Bunny

Gangbanged Princess of the Year

Hardest Working Ho in Ho Biz

Imported Temptress of the Year

Instagram Girl of the Year

Life Sized Human Hand Puppet (Best Fistee)

Masturbator of the Year

Mattress Actress of the Year

Most Adorable Slut

Most Awe Inspiring Gape

Most Beautiful Seductress

Most Comprehensive Utilization of All Orifices

Most Luxurious Labia

Most Magnificent MILF

Most Photogenic

Most Spanked To Girl of the Year

Most Underrated Slut

Most Voluptuous Vixen

Newcummer of the Year

Next Level Star of the Year

PAWG of the Year

Porn’s Next Superstar

Prettiest “Whore Mouth”

Prettiest Girl In Porn

Pretty In Pink (aka Prettiest Pussy)

Puppeteer of the Year (aka Best Hands/Fister)

Pussy Eating Princess of the Year

Pussy of the Year

Ravishing Redhead of the Year

Sexiest Painted Lady

Sexiest Woman Alive

Smooth As Silk (aka Best Bald Beaver)

Spanking Slut of the Year

Super Squirter of the Year

The Contessa of Cum

The Dirtiest Player in the Game

The Girl Next Door … Only Better

The Total Package

Tightest Twat

Tortured Fuck Doll of the Year

Tweeting Twat of the Year

Two Hot Dogs in a Hallway

Webcam Girl of the Year

Wet Dream Girl