All posts by vanzetti

Tonight on Playboy Radio: 800 Fantasy Lane (1979)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (7:40 Eastern, 4:40 Pacific), we’re talking about the 1979 movie, 800 Fantasy Lane, the first film from director Svetlana.

The movie feels like a bunch of different mainstream 80s “teenage tit movies” where a couple of normal guys pull off some sort of scam in order to see naked girls… and in this case, fuck them.

In our case, our heroes, Jamie Gillis and Bud Wise, are gas station attendants who read in the paper that there’s a real estate agency in Los Angeles who is hiring actresses as brokers and they are will to do anything — ANYTHING! — to close the deal.  So Jamie calls the number, posing as an oil magnate from Ohio (where all the American oil reserves are, of course!) who wants to buy a house.  They fly Bud and him out to the coast and take them around to see some properties.

But first, they go to the lodge where prospective clients are staying, and here, Jamie and Bud stumble upon two of the agents getting it on…

Scene 1 between Serena and Desiree Cousteau was notable for having some fisting in it — Desiree fists Serena — but that’s been cut in modern versions of the movie.. however, the g/g scene that remains is still pretty good, and is often interrupted by cutaways to Jamie and Bud over-reacting and mugging at their good fortune.

Lisa De Leeuw is a real estate agent who wants to ger her hooks into the new meat, so she sidles up to Jamie and blows him.  Scene 2 ends in a pretty modern way with Jamie cumming all over Lisa’s tits and chin and then scooping up all the semen he can and feeding it to her.

Not to be outdone,  Nancy Suiter and Aubrey Nichols take Jamie and Bud out to look at some properties.  However, Jamie has an idea and throws Bud out of the car, so he can have the two gals to himself.

So begins Scene 3, where Jamie is blown by Nancy and Aubrey.  The scene is marred a bit by constant cutaways to Jamie’s “I’m getting blown!” face, even tho I think most of us would rather see the girls actually blow him.  He’s finally interrupted as Bud who finally makes it to the house with information designed solely to cockblock Jamie’s tryst with Nancy and Aubrey.  Selling the oil magnate story a little heavily and mentioning something about the SEC, Bud pulls Jamie aside and then locks him in a room, allowing him to come back to finish the scene with the two lovelies, eventually cumming on Nancy’s tits and then fucking Aubrey while Nancy sits on his face and the two girls make out.

Then it starts to get weird… what was a nice little sex comedy takes a turn for the darker in Scene 4 when Jamie goes downstairs in the lodge to find a full S&M dungeon, with Serena and Hillary Summers tied together by the ankles in matching  in love swings while Chris Anderson acts as the dominatrix.  There’s quite a bit of screaming and the sound of a lot of slapping, tho we don’t really see the source of the slaps.   This scene’s more S&M-y elements are  another casualty of the editor’s delete key for the DVD release.

Jamie jumps into the action, eating Serena out and then holding a lighter to it… there’s a level of trust here that can only come from performers who are totally in tune with one another, and Jamie and Serena certainly were.  After making out with Serena a bit, Jamie throws himself between the two girls and alternates eating them out.  After a while Chris straps on a dildo and animalistically fucks Serena while she shrieks in what doesn’t really pass as ecstasy.  Jamie then whips his out, flips Hillary over in the swing and then   fucks her silly, eventually cumming on her and dumping her on the floor.  Then he turns his attention to Serena and fucks her, using the strap around her throat (or was it her throat?) as leverage.  None of this reads as particularly fun, but it is certainly a textbook example of domination and submission.

After his time with the swings, he finds his way over to Desiree Cousteau who is just lying down.  He eats and then fucks her while Chris fondles Desiree’s breasts.  He steps aside to let Chris take a turn with her strap on while Desiree blows him.  Finally, he goes back over to a still-crumpled-on-the-floor Hillary and cums on her from above, concluding her degradation.  (There is an odd cut here, so I suspect some other material hit the recycle bin as this was being re-mastered for DVD.  I have a VHS of this around somewhere, I think… but no time to do a proper comparison…)

Wow.  Heavy stuff.  Not for everyone, I suspect.

Bud comes back with the girls from the house showing just as Jamie emerges from the cellar.  They head out to the pool where Bud starts making out with Lisa’s tits and Jamie overhears a discussion between Allen Colberg and Chris Anderson where he says he wants to give her 500K of “undeclared income” for a deposit on the same house that Jamie and Bud are looking at.  He doesn’t want to lose the house to them, especially since no one really knows what oil interests they have. All the while, he’s got his tits in her hand as she’s bouncing up and down on his clothed lap.  Did I mention they’re both wearing Mickey Mouse ears and he’s whooping “Ride ’em Cowboy!” and like someone riding cowboy?  That little bit of non-sex hanky panky was Scene 5.

The next afternoon, a Friday, the boys are at the real estate office about to sign on the line that is dotted when Bud starts to panic, telling Jamie that they’re sure to be found out after the agents run a credit check.  Jamie says thru gritted teeth “Listen asshole, I know what I’m doing.  It’s 5:00 on the east coast, and they won’t find out anything until Monday.”  He then hands Chris the signed paper work and slips her the tongue before he leaves… Allen calls in and offers to make some calls about Jamie and Bud since they put in an offer and he has to get on his way on Saturday, so he’d like to know if the lost the house or not.

Bud goes to play tennis with Lisa DeLeeuw and two other girls (Debi Gunter and Wendy O. Williams (of the Plasmatics, with long flowing brown hair and zero tennis skills)  which gives us a lot of opportunities to see bouncing breasts in slow motion.  Lisa and Debi have particularly great racks.  Wendy shows her bush, and all three girls moon Bud.  At the end of the match Lisa lactates on Bud (in what I assume is a special effect, as we don’t see the nipple).

Jamie, meanwhile, is enjoying himself in a hot tub with just about everyone else in the movie.  (Scene 7) Meanwhile, Bud bangs Desiree and Scene 8 ends with Desiree blowing Bud until he shoots a sizable load all over her face.

Then the movie takes another stylistic left turn as everyone plays pool ad smokes pot, but Jamie starts hallucinating… for this, I’ll quote three reviews:

Roger Pipe of rogreviews.com says:

Here is where a straight forward script takes a turn that makes no fucking sense. Everyone is playing pool and smoking a little pot. The guys end up having these fucked up hallucinations that include an eight foot penis raining milk down on naked chicks and Gillis playing lion tamer in a sexual circus. He is in a cage with Serena, Lisa and Aubrey Nichols who all have on body make up to represent a pony, leopard and tiger respectively. Interesting role play I suppose and some decent sex, but the out of left field motivation for this scene (Like the dungeon bang) just makes no sense. Lisa looks good, but Aubrey manages to steal most of the sexual thunder in this odd, final scene.

Astronight over at Adult DVD Talk says:

The group frees the weed while playing pool during the next scene. This scene may not be one of the sexiest in the movie, but it’s definitely one of the most memorable and needs to be seen. This sequence alone is worth the rental price of the DVD. The camera work really helps out this scene. It has kind of a dizzy feel that adds to the dreamlike nature of much of the scene. Jamie has a dream in the scene where he’s in a cage as a lion tamer complete with whip with Serena, Lisa DeLeeuw, and another girl done up as a lion, cheetah, and a horse. Jamie makes his way through each of the women, taming them as he goes. It’s very sexy and shows a creativity that’s rarely seen in today’s porn.

Mongo over at RAME says:

Chris Anderson, Aubrey Nichols, Serena and Bud Wise: After smoking some weed, Jamie and Bud hallucinate. This must be really special stuff, as the boys have some pretty vivid visions. Bud imagines himself with a crude six foot long papier-mâché dick, ejaculating a fountain of skim milk while Chris, Aubrey and Serena dance around his maypole, bathing in his manly flow. A non-sex scene, but still hot, in a strange kind of way.

Jamie imagines himself an animal tamer in a circus, taming a tiger (Aubrey), a leopard (Chris) and a pony? (Serena). Jamie “tames” each of the girls in turn, and instead of the old stick your head in the lion’s mouth trick, he does the dick in the tiger’s mouth trick. Pretty cheap makeup on the girls, as it rubs off all over Jamie as the scene progresses. Still, they’re definitely trying. It’s a lot more interesting than anything you’ll see in American porn today. Jamie ends the scene by cumming on Serena’s face.

Finally, the plot wraps up with Jamie stealing the half a million from Allen (who can’t report it to the police since it’s “undeclared income”) and absconding with the girls too.  All’s well that ends well.

Other things we mentioned on the show:

Additional Web Resources:

AVN Awards 2012: The Winners

Congratulations to all the winners of the 2012 AVN Awards, held last night at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.

In alphabetical order by category, the winners are:

Best 3D Release

Best Actor

Best Actress

Best All-Girl Group Scene

Best All-Girl Release

Best All-Sex Release

Best All-Sex Release: Mixed Format

Best Amateur Release

Best Anal Release

Best Anal Sex Scene

Best Art Direction

Best Big Bust Release

Best Big Butt Release

Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene

Best Celebrity Sex Tape

Best Cinematography

Best Comedy

Best Director: Foreign Feature

Best Director: Non-Feature

Best Director: Parody

Best Double Penetration Sex Scene

Best DVD Extras

Best Editing

Best Educational Release

Best Ethnic Release: Asian

Best Ethnic Release: Black

Best Ethnic Release: Latin

Best Feature

Best Fem-Dom Strap-On Release

Best Foot/Leg Fetish Release

Best Foreign All-Sex Release

Best Foreign Feature

Best Girl/Girl Sex Scene

Best Gonzo Release

Best Group Sex Scene

Best Internal Release

Best Interracial Release

Best Makeup

Best Male Newcomer

Best MILF Release

Best Music Soundtrack

Best New Starlet

Best Non-Sex Performance

Best Older Woman/Younger Girl Release

Best Oral Release

Best Oral Sex Scene

Best Orgy/Gangbang Release

Best Original Song

Best Overall Marketing Campaign: Individual Project

Best Packaging

Best Parody: Comedy

Best Parody: Drama

Best POV Release

Best POV Sex Scene

Best Pro-Am Release

Best Screenplay

Best Screenplay: Parody

Best Sex Scene in a Foreign-Shot Production

Best Solo Release

Best Solo Sex Scene

Best Special Effects

Best Specialty Release: Other Genre

Best Squirting Release

Best Supporting Actor

Best Supporting Actress

Best Tease Performance

Best Three-Way Sex Scene: G/B/B

Best Three-Way Sex Scene: G/G/B

Best Transsexual Release

Best Vignette Release

Best Young Girl Release

Clever Title of the Year

Crossover Star of the Year

Director of the Year (Body of Work)

Female Foreign Performer of the Year

Female Performer of the Year

Male Foreign Performer of the Year

Male Performer of the Year

MILF/Cougar Performer of the Year

Most Outrageous Sex Scene

Transsexual Performer of the Year

Unsung Male Performer of the Year

Unsung Starlet of the Year

AEE, SOPA and You

A bunch of us editors get together in January to walk around the Adult Entertainment Expo, and this year is no different.

As in year’s past, we’re taking the corrections queue off line until we get back, so we’re not inundated when we get back, and to allow the editors who can’t join us to take a little break and do a little catch up.

Today is also the Internet Blackout to Protest SOPA/PIPA.  We’re big supporters of this protest, but sadly, not as big as we’d like.  We’ve blacked out the blog for the day, but, like Facebook and Twitter, we can’t take the main site off-line, but we have added a badge to the site to show our solidarity.

If you’re at AEE and see us walking around in our shirts (the only way to recognize us), please stop us and say hello.  Also, I’ll be on Playboy Radio, Thursday at 12:40ish (not sure what booth they’re going to be set up in yet) with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn playing “Legends of Porn Trivia” (submit your questions on twitter: @iafdcom

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio (1986)

Tonight around 7:45 pm Eastern Time (4:45 pm Pacific) on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls with Debi Diamond and Nicki Hunter (Nicki was out), we talked some more about The Dark Brothers and Greg‘s 1986 movie, Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio.

We started off talking about awards season and how we’ve been entering a bunch of awards data behind the scenes and we’re getting ready to unleash the data onto the world.  It’ll happen sometime in February, I reckon… but that data is what currently feeds the awards blog postings, so you’re getting the fruits of our labors a little bit anyway.

Then we spoke about the movie.  The movie is a pretty funny send-up of biography documentaries, and the invented backstory of Vanessa’s life is pretty funny courtesy of a script by Antonio Passolini (writing as Johnny Jump-Up).  In a nutshell, Vanessa was born to a black mother (in case you were worried about Dark’s racial sensitivity, she’s played by a man in blackface) in communist Russia.  She escaped by fucking Marc Wallice and Lois Ayres and ended up in Paris, where she learned the ways of the crotch from Erica Boyer (who let her watch her get double teamed by Tom Byron and Marc Wallice — great scene; Erica ends up slick with sweat at the end of it).  From there, Vanessa becomes a door-to-door dildo saleswoman, and she plies her wares to housewife Liz Randall, and they have a pretty great toy-laden lezfest.  (It doesn’t hurt that Liz looks like a cute-as-a-button mid-80s Jenna Fischer.)  Vanessa’s journey takes her to Paraguay, where she starts to work her way into adult films, having sex with underrated scrumpet Krista Lane and Francois Papillion, eventually culminating in a gangbang with Marc WallicePeter NorthSteve PowersTom Byron and Troy Tannier.

The whole movie is infused with a goofy, bad taste take on things; so if that sounds like it’s for you — you should check this out as its available from all of the leading VOD retailers, as well as on DVD.

But perhaps the  greatest thing about the movie is its theme song (also by Johnny Jump-Up).  There’s a crummy dub of it over on YouTube, but it’s the best we got right now. . .

(Can we start a letter writing campaign to VCA — or whomever owns VCA now — to release the theme songs to the mid-80s Dark Brothers movies on iTunes?)

Previously: New Wave HookersDevil in Miss Jones 3

New Feature: Retirement

We got a tweet last night that asked:

@BlackSexxxology@iafdcom Can you let me know who retired or was no longer active in 2011? Thanks!

The retirement wait is over!To paraphrase critic Bill Caits, “the only porn stars who officially have retired are dead.

That said, we can look at the last year of someone’s “years active” field and make a semi-educated guess as to who is no longer active, but it is an inexact science since the years active field is not always a reliable indicator.

(Currently, we track the year that a movie is released, not the year it is produced.  There may be a large gap between the two.  Some studios (cough, Vivid, cough) will sit on titles for a year or more in order to keep new product in the pipeline long after a popular performer has left the set, as it were.)

The problem with @BlackSexxxology‘s request is the info is too soon… 2011 was two weeks ago.  We have no idea who decided to quit porn and move home on New Year’s Eve… the only thing we can ask the database is  “who didn’t release any movies after 2011?” and we don’t know that yet.  Won’t know it for 6 months or so.  The answers it will spit back are far too numerous to draw any conclusions from.

But, we do know it (or can guesstimate it) for years prior to 2011, so we added a new section to our advanced search page  which will allow you to look up the performers who have stopped releasing movies in any given year.

IAFD’s Performer Retirement Page

 Photo by Monceau via Flickr