All posts by vanzetti

Merry Christmas!

For the seventh year running (sorry for missing you 2008!), here’re some titles to get you in the Christmas spirit!

You might want to check out last year’s Obligatory Christmas Post which covers some of last year’s on-line goodies as well…

This year, Naughty America bring us Nicole Aniston in an episode of “My Dad’s Hot Girlfriend” where she needs to convince Kris Slater and Dane Cross to dress up like elves and help bring gifts to the orphanage.  (Spoiler alert: it involves blowjobs)

Over at Brazzers, they’ve got a bit more going on.

Ariella Ferrera stars in the Mommy Got Boobs episode, MILF and Cookies… when her butler James Deen eats all the cookies she’s left for Santa (Tommy Gunn), she’s left with little choice as to ensure her presents on Christmas.  (Spoiler alert: It involves getting DP’d by Santa and her cookie eating butler.)

Over at MILFs Like It Big, “Stuff My Stocking” finds Lezley Zen pissed at the holidays, and it takes elf Kieran Lee to show her the true meaning of Christmas… cock.

And since MILFs can’t have all the fun, Lexi Bloom gets to have some fun of her own in the Teens Like It Big episode “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas… on my face!” where she schtupps a department store Santa (Johnny Sins).

On the DVD/VOD side of things, our ever expanding list of titles…

If you like hetero or girl/girl porn, you might like:

But, if you prefer boy-boy action, you these might turn your crank:

Tonight On Playboy Radio: Santa Comes Twice (1984)

Tonight on Playboy Radio, in honor of the holiday season, we talked about Adam‘s 1984 video, Santa Comes Twice which has been re-released on DVD/VOD as Spreading Joy.  (There’s a lot of recent Christmas-themed porn, but not a lot in the era which I’m honor bound to talk about.)

For starters, the boxcover credits are a bit of a mess, with confusion between movies — there is a second movie called Babylon Nights aka “Spreading Joy” which stars Beverly BlissKaren Summer and Nick Niter (among others) and they’re not in this movie.  Also, some of the names on the boxcovers are AKAs for other named people (i.e. Christy and/or Krissi are AKAs for Roxanne Rolland and Mr. Louis is an aka for Short Stud).  So the boxcover is a little schizophrenic. :-)

The movie opens with a jazzy version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town as we see still-shots of everyone in the movie.  The stills show their character names as a female narrator introduces their credit.

Santa, played by a beardless Michael Morrison (aka Uncle Milty, better known as director Milton Ingley) talks on a CB radio to the elves, angry for stepping in reindeer shit.   Mrs. Claus(a grey-hared Susan Hart) offers to help Santa relax, despite there being “so many things to do!”  and she starts to blow him.  They have sex in a couple positions which ends with Santa fucking her doggie style and then cumming inside Mrs. Claus, but we get no proof of this… so already, there’s some doubt if Santa actual comes twice… maybe that’s why they changed the name to Spreading Joy. :-)

From there, Mrs. Claus reads a letter from David, an 18 year old, All-American student who is hoping to have sex before he goes off to college.  Feeling  post-coitally benevolent, Santa sends his two best elves, Holly (Gina Valentino) and Vixen (Roxanne Rollan), off to service the lad.  He sends them via limo, driven by his right-hand elf, Pix (Luis De Jesus).

The girls are half-naked in the back of the limo, so of course, they fuck around a little bit until Pix pulls over to join in.  At this point, the film makes a stylistic change and becomes all sped-up and the sexual positions follow no logic or sequence.  Each of the girls have their way with Pix, and he with them — but the cuts are he’s fucking Vixen missonary and then it just cuts to Holly blowing him to him fucking Holly to Vixen jerking him off… it’s an odd scene which ends with Holly jerking him off until he cums quite a bit all over his belly.


The girls and pix then pull up to David’s (Tom Byron) house, and we see inside… David’s Dad (Paul Baressi) and Mom (Rikki Blake) are worried that Dick is pre-occupied on Christmas Eve.  He tells them not to worry, it’s easily solved… and he retires to his room to jerk off over a Cheri magazine, which leaves Mom and Dad to get busy.  (I assume Rikki is Tom’s STEP mom, since she’s maybe 2 years older than he is…) So as they bang, Holly and Vixen make their way into the house and watch for a little while, and right after Dad cums all over Mom’s ass, the elves make their way into David’s room.

Indulge me a quick moment to note how goddamned hot Rikki Blake is. Moving on…

The elves catch David jerking off and push him onto the bed.  He can’t believe his good fortune and puts a bow on his dick and asks them to suck it.  The two elves oblige in what is the best scene in the movie.  The two girls surround his cock which is just poking out of the fly of his jeans.  Each runs a tongue up the side of the cock, and their 80s hair just fills the frame and makes for a very nice picture.  Then the scene abruptly cuts to Dick naked, eating out Holly as she eats out Vixen.  Eventually, the girls end up on top of each other  (Holly on top, Vixen on the bottom) and he eats them both out while they make out with each other.  For a kid who never had sex before, he caught on quick!

As they fuck, we cut, somewhat inexplicably, to Mrs. Claus blowing Santa some more.  (I guess he has to come twice, after all…)

Then we cut back to David and the Elves when suddenly Mom and Dad — NAKED — storm in demanding “What are you doing?!”  This catches David off-guard, but Dad disarms the situation by hopping in bed with Mom and the elves.

(How this does not result in years of therapy for young David is a discussion for another day.)

The resulting orgy is a delight – lots of pussy eating — the girls service Mom while Dad jills Holly and David eats Vixen… then we’re back to Santa fucking Mrs. Claus doggie style, and she’s bucking like crazy… and back to the orgy… where DAVID IS FUCKING HIS MOTHER.  (Again, I will postulate, she’s his stepmother… but still… Rikki Blake is seriously hot.) No one mentions the incest.  (If you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family?)

Holly makes some awesome eye-contact with the camera while she’s blowing Dad.

Eventually Dad fucks Vixen and David fucks Holly while Mom takes care of herself. Then Dad and David switch places and they all line up on the bed.  David/Vixen going at it missionary, Mom in the middle playing with herself, and Dad and Holly going at it doggie style.  There’s a few more shots of the girls staring directly at the camera.  Finally, Dad and David shoot all over Mom’s tits.  David’s cumshot splashes her in the face, which she did not seem to be expecting, but she took it like a sport. Mom finishes by cleaning up the men in her life.

Then one more quick cut to Santa making his O Face as the movie fades out.

On the plus side — all the girls are really cute, if not downright hot.  They’ve got full bushes and they’re not afraid to have their pussies eaten.  So if that’s your thing, this is sure to please.  On the con side – Santa didn’t really come twice, if he even came at all… and the incest overtones which were just ignored also a little odd.

It’s an enjoyable enough movie of its time, but there’s likely some better modern Christmas porn out there.

Also from the era, John T. Bone‘s Merry X Miss starring Lois Ayres and Samantha Strong is equally forgettable… but in that one, Short Studd wears a grotesque nose.

Stop American Censorship


In case the above widget doesn’t load, visit http://americancensorship.org/

The rhetoric is panicky because as we’ve seen so many times, what seems reasonable is so rapidly abused.

If you’re in the US, please take a moment to call your representative and let them know you’re against this.

Former Senator Chris Dodd — now head of the Motion Picture Association of America — says that China censors its Internet, so we can too:

“When the Chinese told Google that they had to block sites or they couldn’t do [business] in their country, they managed to figure out how to block sites.”

These are the voices our lawmakers listen to.  If we’re going to win, we need to drown them out before TOMORROW’s committee vote on SOPA.   

What’s even worse, is when Chris Dodd was serving in Congress, he had this to say:

Tell the Chinese government that Google.cn will no longer censor information with Google’s consent. And should the Chinese government not find that acceptable, then Google.cn would shut down its operations. I understand that you’ve already moved all of your search records out of China, to prevent them from being turned over to the Chinese government. But what better way to affirm Google’s commitment to the free flow of information as a human right, than to send this message to a nation with the largest population in the world?

So, Mr. Dodd dances with the girl whose brung him.

More on Mr. Dodd’s mouth and how he’s able to talk out of both sides of it: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20111211/23345917036/mpaa-boss-chris-dodd-then-now-concerning-google-censorship-china.shtml

TechDirt has lots of good info on SOPA and why it is evil as well: http://www.techdirt.com/blog/?tag=sopa

And just so you know, this shit is happening now.  http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20111208/08225217010/breaking-news-feds-falsely-censor-popular-blog-over-year-deny-all-due-process-hide-all-details.shtml

After you call, you can go back to whacking off.  I promise. :-)

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Night Trips (1989)

I’m heading out to see Sharon Jones and the DAP Kings perform tonight, so no long review, and I”ll be at the mercy of my memory as we talk about Andrew Blake’s genre-busting entrance onto the scene: Night Trips.

There might not have ever been a filmmaker so divisive as Andrew Blake.  His work was as beautiful as a perfume commercial, and arguably, just as sexy.  For those people who were watchign Buttman and memorizing every frame, Blake was the polar opposite.  Nary a handheld camera in sight, shooting on 35mm film instead of cheap video, Blake came in and brought “class” with him.  Whether or not this was a good thing  (tm) fueled more internet debates than I care to count.

I recall sitting in my dorm in college when the trailer for Night Trips blipped across the screen.  My roommate and I put down our controller and took our eyes off of Ninja Gaiden for a second  (Original NES, baby!)  and stared awestruck at the trailer.  It was all MTV flash-cuts and hypnotic music and it was cut together as a true teaser trailer — not letting much get revealed other than it starred our current crush, Tori Welles.

Once we were able to get our hands on it, we were fans.  It was like someone was making an effort after so much gonzo, and Goddamn, Tori looked great.

The plot, as it were, has Tori going to sleep clinic to solve her constant plague of dirty dreams.  Randy Spears and Porsche Lynn are the doctors and they hook her up to a machine that projects those dreams onto a TV.  So, we get to see some vignettes of her dirty dreams.  The vignettes are intercut with her playing with herself.

Best scene has her fucking Peter North and ending with an absolutely spectacular facial.

This is one is for the girlfriends, not the frat house. :-)