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Great Moments in Porn Dialogue: Pink Pussycat (1992)

I think there’s a great deal of truth hiding out in porn scripts, especially if Henri Pachard is involved.  Case in point, 1992’s The Pink Pussycat where Pachard basically plays himself and delivers a monologue about how to shoot porn to two couples: P.J. Sparxx and TT Boy are one couple and Cole Stevens and Carolyn Monroe (aka Candace Hart) are the other.

The scene starts with both couples sitting on a bed, and Pachard starts to rearrange them:

PACHARD:  OK, Yes, let’s go.  OK, we’re all set for this.  (To Carolyn/Cole) You guys on the bed, and (to TT Boy, motioning to the couch) you close to here…

PJ: No, no, no, no, no….

PACHARD: Yes, yes…

PJ: When can I have sex on the bed?!

PACHARD: Beds are for dying, baby!  Sit down right here.  (Yeah, this is going to play good from here.) Let me tell you something right now, young man and you too — I don’t care what your agent told you, you’re not here because of your good lookin’ blue eyes, you’re here for your known for your hard cocks. Now the key to a real dirty movie —  YOU PAYING ATTENTION? — the key to a  dirty movie – LISTEN  TO ME!–  is no romance!  It’s gotta be dirty!  You gotta be selfish! You gotta take — from your partner.  TAKE IT from your partner!  MAKE HIM do these things to you!

PJ: How come I always fuck on other things other than a bed?  When can I have normal sex on a bed?  You make me either sit on top of the roof, on top of the stairs, on the floor, on top of the desk…

PACHARD: You’re far too dynamic to be fucking on a, on a bed. I want you on the couch, with the black background, it symbolizes your midnight thoughts.

PJ (aside, pouting): I’m always on the couch…

PACHARD: Now you guys — (to PJ) Relax, you’re going to be great — (back to the group) Be selfish! Selfish sex pays.  It looks better for the movies. I don’t want to do the romance.  (Unintelligible mumbling)  I don’t want to do the romance stuff…

PJ (more pouting): I don’t do that anyway…

PACHARD: Take your sex!  Take it! USE these people! I don’t need to hear the corny lines “Oooh, it feels so good, it feels so good…” I don’t need to hear any of that…

CAROLYN: What are we supposed to say, “It feels shitty?”

PACHARD: Tell him what to do.  You want to sit on that man’s face, SIT RIGHT ON IT.  Fuck his nose if you have to.  I don’t care what you’re going to do.  (He mumbles to Cole something about buttfucking.)  Whatever it is, don’t be lazy.  This is going to be the mother of all sex scenes.  Passion, total passion!  You with me?  Quiet in the house!  Roll sound!  ACTION!

And then they get into it.

Back in 1994 (with annotations from 1995) Imperator had this to say about the movie:

Well, my pal’s busted video tape (see previous post for its other contents) had saved the best for last (sort of). “The Pink Pussycat”, starring Ashlyn GereP.J. SparxxTrixie TylerMelanie MooreFlamePeter NorthJonathan Morgan and other Fellas. Ah, the good old days when PJ did men! Anyway, this is a good solid production on film, at times brilliantly filmed (in terms of camera angles, not some sort of cheesy “erotic” effects a la Blake); there is unfortunately some waste of resources. Ashlyn begins with a hot scene with Peter North. Ashlyn is her usual delightful, vocal self; and though I don’t care much for facials, *this* one I could barely forget: Peter absolutely drenches her. I don’t know which category this falls under (“normal” or “monster” facial) but it’s damn impressive (“Kascha’s friends” sort of impressive ;-))After that we switch to PJ doing Jonathan and another Fella [6/1/1995: Peter says: “This is Zach Thomas (yes, Mr. Sunset Thomas the lucky bastard ;-)”]. She gets rimmed and does some of her cutest faces on the process. The threesome is however rather brief and therefore a trifle disappointing; a bit like her threesome in “Chameleons -not the sequel”. Anybody know a good, hard, long shag with PJ and two guys?

[Update 3/9/95: If you’re dying to see a good, hard shag with PJ and 2 fellas, check out “3 wives“, an otherwise ordinary rental]

From this slight misuse of resources we go to some blatant waste of the same. A bathtub frolicking with Flame and Trixie Tyler ends after only about a minute of the most promising overture. Flame does not reappear in the film. Now, I am not fanatical about Flame like old Steve, but she is undeniably a most charming creature to be wasted like that. Oh well.Then we go to the film’s crowning glory: Trixie Tyler and Tom Chapman: reverse cowgirl followed by the most superb of anals; fast, hard and LONG action. Amazing.

Ashlyn does Melanie Moore. Dunno why, but it didn’t do much for me. Probably it is overshadowed by the preceding masterpiece. Then T.T Boy (the group’s favourite ;-)) screws PJ (reverse cowgirl no less -woof!) while Carolyn Monroe takes it up the butt from Some Other Guy [6/1/1995: Peter once again comes to the rescue: “That’s Cole Stevens (her SO)”]. The camera work here is rather poor. Finally Ashlyn,  Tom Byron and Holly White (aka Rachel Mann according to the Dutch machine :-)) go about a 3some. Ashlyn is rimmed but unfortunately more time is wasted on filming Ashlyn fingering Tom, than showing the girls. Therefore I FF’ed through most of this scene.

The Imperial verdict: Good stuff, plentiful and raunchy. Some resources were not put to their best use but still, this is a superior film.

3.40

(Guide to the Imperial Scale of porn ratings…)

XBiz Awards 2012: Various Straight Personality Awards and Director of the Year

Director of the Year: Body of Work

Director of the Year: Individual Project

Crossover Star of the Year

New Starlet of the Year

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European Non-Feature Release of the Year

Fetish Release of the Year

Gonzo Release of the Year

Interracial Release of the Year

Latin-Themed Release of the Year

Parody Release of the Year: Comedy

Parody Release of the Year: Drama

Vignette Release of the Year

XBiz Awards 2012: Best Straight Releases of the Year, Part 1

Feature Movie of the Year

All-Black Release of the Year

All-Girl Release of the Year

All-Sex Release of the Year

Amateur Release of the Year

Asian-Themed Release of the Year

Couples-Themed Release of the Year

European Feature Release of the Year

XBiz Awards 2012: Straight Acting Performances of the Year

Acting Performance of the Year: Female

Acting Performance of the Year: Male

Supporting Acting Performance of the Year: Female

Supporting Acting Performance of the Year: Male