The 7th annual Spank Bank Awards proudly presented by IAFD.com were held LIVE over the weekend from their traditional locale of the lavishly furnished man cave in the palatial estate of Spank Bank Awards founder Gabriel Lan in the suburbs of warm, sunny Nowhere Special, USA. Once again, there were a record number of pornstars receiving a record number of nominations for awards they all truly deserve. Porn. The only ‘sport’ where every participant deserves an award, or at the very least, some sort of accolades and recognition.
As is also now traditional, a copious amount of previously unannounced Technical Category awards were handed out during the pre-show in the red carpet / patio / deck area earlier in the evening before it was time for the main event.
Gabriel Lan opened the festivities by welcoming everyone in attendance, singling out his date for the evening, the beautiful Lisey Sweet before introducing the lovely, talented, and outright hilarious Missy Martinez, who took over hosting duties this year, and has subsequently been given the job for as long as she likes. After roasting both herself and virtually everyone in attendance in her opening monologue with her own unique brand of humor, Missy got right to business, calling for awards show trophy girl Charlotte Sartre to bring out the first three awards. Fellow trophy girl Ryan Riesling promptly stuffed a trophy into each of Charlotte’s orifices and she them all carried to the podium with ease, along with a fourth trophy which she carried by hand just for good measure. Showing off her own multitasking and supreme ho holes abilities, Ms. Martinez later brought five awards to the stage at once, adopting the same one trophy per orifice method while carrying one trophy in each hand.
Following the announcement of the show’s final award of the night (the Dirty Little Slut of the Year), Missy invited everyone in the backyard. Once there, Missy got onto all fours so Charlotte could light and shoot fireworks out of her ass while Ryan fed her mozzarella cheese sticks to kick off the after show awards party.
Ninety plus Major Category award winners, filled with some expected wins and a few surprises (along with who knows what else) continued to build until the time came for the awarding of the “unholy trinity†of porn awards: Sexiest Woman Alive, Most Spanked To Girl of the Year, and the Dirty Little Slut of the Year to close out the show. So, without further ado, here is the list of this year’s winners:
*Note: Spank Bank Awards are voted on by a panel of porn critics (me), noted adult film connoisseurs (me), outside adult industry media insiders (me), x-rated film fans (also me), and a committee chairman (you guessed it: me). Nominees who entice or influence the panel with any form of ‘sweet talking’, ‘sexual innuendo’, ‘buttering up’, or outright eluding to sexual favors greatly increase their chances of winning.*
The Winners
Airtight Angel of the Year
America’s Porn Sweetheart
Amazing Asshole of the Year (in the Best kind of way)
ATM Machine
Bad Ass Brunette of the Year
Baroness of Licking Lady Ass
BBC Slut of the Year
Best All Around Porn Goddess
Best Body Built For Sin
Best ‘Come Fuck Me’ Eyes
Best DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)
Best ‘Just Got Fucked’ Hair
Best Legs
Best ‘O’ Face
Best ‘Resting Bitch’ Face
Best Smile
Best Spitter
Best Swallower
Bionic Butthole
Blonde Babe of the Year
Bondage Artiste of the Year
Boobalicious Babe of the Year
Born To Hand Job
Cocksucker of the Year
Contessa of Cum
Countess of Contortionism
Creampied Cutie of the Year
Cuckold Connoisseur of the Year
Cumback of the Year
Customs Specialist of the Year
Deepest Throat
Dick of the Year
Dirty Little Slut of the Year
DP Dynamo of the Year
Empress of Nipple Paradise
Excellence in ‘Lawn’ Maintenance (aka Best Groomed Bush)
Excellence in the Creation of Smut (aka Director of the Year)
Facial Cum Target of the Year
Fetish Virtuoso of the Year
Fun Sized Fuck Toy
Gangbanged Girl of the Year
Gloryhole Guru of the Year
Hardest Working Ho in Ho Biz
Imported Enchantress of the Year
Instagram Girl of the Year
Life Sized Human Hand Puppet (aka Best Fistee)
Masturbator of the Year
Mattress Actress of the Year
Most Adorable Slut
Most Awe Inspiring Gape
Most Beautiful Seductress
Most Comprehensive Utilization of All Orifices
Most Energetic Fuck Bunny
Most Fuckable Feet
Most Luscious Labia
Most Photogenic Nymphomaniac
Most Spanked To Girl of the Year
Most Talented Tongue (Best Girl/Girl Kisser of the Year)
Most Underrated Slut
Most Voluptuous Vixen
My (Wet) Dream Girl
Natural Born Cock Killer
Newcummer of the Year
PAWG of the Year
Porn’s Next Superstar
Prettiest Girl In Porn
Prettiest Whore Mouth
Pretty In Pink (aka Prettiest Pussy)
Production Studio of the Year
Puppeteer of the Year (aka Best Hands/Fister)
Pussy of the Year
Queen of Cunnilingus (Girl/Girl Star of the Year)
Ravishing Redhead of the Year
Red Bottomed Babe of the Year
Servile Sub of the Year
Sexiest Woman Alive
Sharing Is Caring (Cumswapping Cutie of the Year)
Smooth As Silk (aka Best Bald Beaver)
Snapchat Sweetheart of the Year
Sovereign Dom of the Year
Super Squirter of the Year
Supreme Majesty of the Stripper Pole
Tattooed Temptress of the Year
The Dirtiest Player in the Game
The Girl Next Door…. Only Better
The Total Package
Tightest Twat
Tortured Fuck Doll of the Year
Tweeting Twat of the Year
Two Hot Dogs in a Hallway
Webcam / Skype Show Girl of the Year
Website of the Year
The Technical Awards
0069: Licensed To Kill Dicks: Stella Cox
Able To Deep Throat A Didgeridoo: Angela White
Anal Wunderkind: Adria Rae
Avocado Toast, Tits, and Total Entertainment: Carter Cruise
Best “A/C Repairman Buttcrack” Impression : Charlotte Sartre
Best BTS Photographer/Camera Person: Jay Taylor
Best Devilish Grin: Zoey Monroe
Best Display of Bubble Bath Twerking: Tiffany Watson
Best Fur Baby Mama: Sasha Heart
Best Lap Bunny: Kagney Linn Karter
Best ‘Little Spoon’ Cuddling Partner: Angel Smalls
Best Natural Puppy Pillows: Keisha Grey
Best ‘New Additions’: Dana DeArmond
Best Paraphrasing of a Patrick Henry Quote: Dahlia Sky
Best Presentation of ‘Daisy Dukes’: Tiffany Watson
Best Tanned Urethra: Missy Martinez
Best Thong Wedgie: Cherie DeVille
Best Threesome Partner: Penny Pax
Best Trash Talker: Katrina Jade
Booty By Boiled Peanuts: Maddy O’Reilly
Carpool Karaoke Queen: Dani Daniels
Celebrity Macaroni and Cheese Endorser: Adriana Chechik
Computer Screen Staredown Champion: Ryan Riesling
Consealed Carry….With Or Without A Weapon: Britney Amber
Continually Awesome: Gabriella Paltrova
Creampuff Connosseir: Alexa Grace
Cutest Awkward Smile: Alexa Nova
Deepest Butthole: Ella Nova
Delightful Doll….. By Any Other Name: Dakota Skye
Disgustingly Romantic World Traveler: Lily Labeau
Ebony Princess of the Year: Skyler Nicole
Erection Guaranteed: Gia Paige
Excessively Modest Beauty: Kasey Warner
Favorite Pornstar of Correctional Facility Inmates Everywhere: Kristina Rose
Favorite Pornstar of Step Mothers Everywhere: Sara Luvv
Filthiest Domestic Goddess: Ashley Fires
Frickin’ Wicked Haht: Jenna J Ross
Good At Being Bad, Bad At Being Good: Alex Grey
Habitual Masturbator: Violet Monroe
High Fashion Model Gone Bad: Haley Reed
Hitachi Killer: Kacie Castle
Horniest Registered Voter: Chanel Preston
Human Sex Kitten: Riley Reid
Humanitarian Hottie: Kristina Rose
Immeasurable Carnal Prowess in a 4′ 10″ Frame: Holly Hendrix
Juicier (and Tastier) Than A Pineapple: Jaye Summers
Latina Star of the Year: Vicki Chase
Magician From The Waist Down: Odette Delacroix
Master of the Strap On: Kleio Valentien
Most Adorable Retiree: Yhivi
Most Alluring Cock Vampire: Naveen Ora
Most Artistic Booty Selfies: Jillian Janson
Most Compassionate Cutie: Jojo Kiss
Most Delightful Vagaholic: Jenna Sativa
Most Diverse Playlist: Katy Kiss
Most Extensive Use of the Word ‘Dude’: Amara Romani
Most Flexible Thespian Tart: Cassidy Klein
Most Glamorous Ghost Rider: Jenna Ivory
Most Innocent Looking Sex Fiend: Naomi Woods
Most Likely To Be Fucked In Every Hole On Every Continent: Anna de Ville
Most Likely To Crush You in a Debate AND Kick You in the Balls: Romi Rain
Most Likely To Have An In-Home Dungeon: Casey Calvert
Most Likely To Masturbate While On A Treadmill: A.J. Applegate
Most Likely To Unintentionally Expose Her Nipples In Target: Mandy Muse
Most Meals Eaten Off A Cutting Board: Sara Luvv
Most Organized “Whore Bag”: Maddy O’Reilly
Most Photogenic ‘Nether Region’: Lisey Sweet
Most Prosperous Hormones: Karlee Grey
Most Reliable Nympho: Kate England
Most Wholesome Looking Pervert: Adria Rae
Mr. Mackey’s Favorite Pornstar, M’Kay: Mandy Muse
Naked 95% Of Her Free Time: Angel Smalls
Offroading Princess: Edyn Blair
Paragon of Porn Perfection: Arwen Gold
Pho-king Phenom: Cindy Starfall
Picasso of the Prolapse: Roxy Raye
Pint Sized Supermodel: Janice Griffith
Porcelein Porn Princess: Riley Reynolds
Porn Girls’ Favorite Mistress: Kissa Sins
Princess of Politeness: Anikka Albrite
Queen of Cannabis: Karla Kush
Queen of Cosplay: Tanya Tate
Queen of the Lollipop Guild: Ella Nova
Queen of the Tease: Trillium
Real Life Mermaid: Aidra Fox
Reigning Queen of Booty: A.J. Applegate
Ride ‘Em, Cowgirl!: Kimmy Granger
Road Head Expert: Karla Kush
Royal Majesty of the Dirty South: Jada Stevens
Scream Queen: Cadence Lux
Semen Swallowing Succubus: Dahlia Sky
Seriel (Pussy) Killer: Sasha Heart
Setting The Bar For All Spinners Since 2010: Trinity St. Clair
Sexiest Accent: Valentina Nappi
Sexiest Bookworm: Amara Romani
Sexiest Gamer Girl: Kenzie Taylor
Sexiest Sci-Fi Geek: Romi Rain
Slutty Samuri: Marika Hase
Snowboarding Ninja: Ash Hollywood
Spinner Supreme: Megan Rain
Squat Machine: Veruca James
Stair Master Champion: Sarah Vandella
Stealthiest Pervert: Melissa Moore
Stella Cox’s Favorite Stalker: Lana Rhoades
That Girl Is A Real Crowd Pleaser: Juelz Ventura
The Baconator: Riley Reid
The First Lady of Filth: Anikka Albrite
The Girl With The Heart Shaped Gape: Anna de Ville
The Harley Quinn of Sin: Leya Falcon
The Merc With A Mouth…. Full Of Dicks: Missy Martinez
The One Shade Wonder (makeup reference): Samantha Bentley
The P.E. Teacher We ALL Wish We’d Had: Kendra Lust
The Rarely Discussed ‘Slutty’ Olsen Sister: Anya Olsen
The Real UFC Women’s Champion: Phoenix Marie
The Workout Warrior: Abigail Mac
Three Keilbasas in a Corridor: Casey Calvert
Top Notch Throat Fister: Abella Danger
TSA’s Most Patted-Down Passenger: Lily Labeau
Tumblr Tart of the Year: Penny Pax
Twitter’s Most Suspended Strumpet: Samantha Rone
Vixen of Versatility: Kate England
VR Star of the Year: Ela Darling
Wednesday Addams Slutty Doppleganger: Charlotte Sartre
World’s Best (and 4th Sluttiest) DJ: Carter Cruise
World’s Finest Yoga Pants Aficionado: Sydney Cole
World’s Greatest (and Sexiest) Villain: Katrina Jade
World’s Hottest ‘Would Be’ Lesbian: Lana Rhoades
World’s Sexiest Crazy Cat Lady: Chanel Preston
World’s Sexiest Donut Snob: Brett Rossi
World’s Sexiest Pizza Chef: Kleio Valentien
World’s Sexiest ‘Would Be’ Politician: Angela White
World’s Sweetest Pervert: Violet Monroe
