Category Archives: Playboy Radio

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Black Throat (1985)

[UPDATE: 24 Apr 2013 – Going to talk about this movie with Christy and Ginger on Radio Sex’s YouPorn (SiriusXM 103) today around 2:40 Eastern. Article originally published on Jan 26, 2012]

We’re on Night Calls tonight, ONE HOUR EARLIER than usual because I am otherwise engaged at our normal time, so listen in at 6:40 pm Eastern / 3:40 pm Pacific.

We’ll be talking about the Dark Brothers’ 1985 movie, Black Throat.  There are two versions in the IAFD, one that lists Traci Lords and one that doesn’t.

The story, such as it is, concerns Roscoe (Tony Martino) and his rubber rat friend Mr. Bob (voiced by Johnny Jump-Up, aka Antonio Passolini) and their quest to find Madame Mambo’s House of Fella-tee-o, with the help of a pimp named Jamal (Jack Baker).

Here’s the first five minutes of the movie, which sets the tone and really underlines the low-rent nature and crazy style of the vid.

Two scenes in the movie are absolutely top notch — one stars Erica Boyer in a blistering B/B/G and the other is Christy Canyon and Peter North.  They’re worth the price of admission alone.  In a review I wrote back in the 90s, I said:

Erica Boyer is looking her punkish best. She’s well toned, bush is a little trimmed back, and she’s laying on a couch covered in black garbage bag plastic in a room that is walled in with the same plastic.

She masturbates slowly, playing with her pussy and asshole, working a finger or two into each now and then. Then Steve Powers shows up and she starts chomping his choad. He shoves her sunglasses into her snatch and starts pouting champange all over her.

Enter Marc Wallice who covers her in corn oil (I don’t think sunflower oil was all the rage until the later 80s/early 90s :-) )

She gets flipped onto her stomach and Marc then works some fingers into her ass, and follows that with his banana dick. He fucks her ass with reckless abandon. Then Steve Powers enters her pussy (as some creme oozes from her ass). She is toally slicked up from shoulders to toes. Marc spanks her. “My asshole wants you!” she screams to Marc who obliges for a DP. What makes this DP something to see is both guys are pretty active, and she rides it out like a true slut; unlike most DPs in recent memories where one guy sits still while the other guy does all the work.  Erica gets into this scene very much, screaming and yelling in rapturous delight, which we share in. Marc cums on her ass, and Steve cums on himself more or less.

If you don’t pop a chubby watching this scene, then check your pulse, you may be dead.

And then a sentence that really sums up the Dark Brothers’ aesthetic:

Mr. Bob talks to Erica’s asshole which quacks like a duck and they continue their quest for Madame Mambo.

About the Christy Canyon scene, I wrote:

In this scene, [Christy] dominates Peter North, who is chained to a table wearing a collar like they put on dogs to keep them from biting at their wounds. She is wearing studded gloves and a bustier number. Her eye makeup is 80s “punk” and she sucks cock like no one else.

She teases Peter, hitting him about the face and head with her tits (when they were quite a bit firmer, but just as ripe). “What, you afraid of big tits! Suck ’em! You’re such a baby!” she yells at Peter. “Probably reminds you of when you were a little boy — sucking on mommmy’s tits, before you went to your room…” She removes the collar and really starts to beat him up with those wonderful breasts.

She plays with her cat o’ nine tails rubbing them over her tits and her pussy. Then there is an abrupt cut (was something snipped here?) and she’s riding him reverse cowgirl; arguably looking better than she ever has before.  She engages in some dirty talk. She takes an active role and grunts and groans. They move into the patented Peter North Spoon, giving us a great view of Christy’s meaty lips wrapping around Peter’s peter.

They go around to a doggie position for a while, and then to a missionary where Peter launches a load that hits her in the forehead, then covers her tits and belly with his jizz. And then she goes in and orally cleans him up afterwards.

If you haven’t got a boner by this point, turn the movie off, there’s no hope.

Like all 80s Dark Brothers’ flicks, the theme song (also contributed by Johnny Jump-Up / Passolini) is top notch and one that I can still sing it today.  It name checks their recent movies before leading into its chorus: “Now you know New Wave Hookers, and Let Me Tell Ya Bout White Chicks, but now you’ll see some black chicks, sucking on some white dicks! BLACK THROAT!”

Tonight On Playboy Radio: RIP Nightcalls

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end..”

I was away this week, but got an email from the always delightful Sexy Lexi, associate producer of NightCalls, saying that word came down and the show was cancelled.

This made me sad.

I liked the show and I liked being a part of it.  I liked chatting with Debi and Nicki every Thursday night, and the giuest hosts they’d have on every so often.  Never got a ton of feedback on my appearances, but occasionally I’d get a tweet or two about it, so I knew someone was listening.  I also liked revisiting the adult movies from my youth — or the ones I liked anyway.

Rest assured, there’s a silver lining!  Lexi also passed on the good news that (a) she was promoted and now she’s the Producer of YouPorn on Spice Radio (Sirius XM103) and (b) she’d like me to continue doing the classic adult reviews I was doing on NightCalls over at YouPorn with Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon.

Needless to say, I jumped at the chance.  So, we’ve got ourselves a schedule change — instead of Thursdays at 7:40EST on XM 102, I’ll be on Wednesdays at 2:40PM on XM103.  One day and five hours earlier, and one channel higher on your satellite dial.

We’re starting next week, the 27th.  I have no idea what we’re going to talk about — I suspect it’ll just be a “get to know you” session.  I was lucky enough to be on YouPorn back in January at AEE, and I look forward to making it my new regular gig.

(And really, I get to chat every week with Christy and Ginger?  It’s (almost) like my 16 year old self just won the lottery… )

So, look forward to “Today on YouPorn…” coming soon.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls (1977)

[UPDATE: I had mentioned a Facebook group on the show, Adult Movies 1968-1988 that has a lot of presence from the talent from back then. Join us.]

Tonight on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls (SiriusXM 102) we’ll be talking about Bob Chinn’s 1977 classic Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls.  (Due to a pre-existing obligation on my end, we’ll be starting a little earlier than usual — 7pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific.)

At the Club 90 panel discussion the other night, the panel was asked what their most favorite moment was during their time in the industry. Candida Royalle wasted no time and said her happiest memory was learning to ride a skateboard with Desiree Cousteau and Laurien Dominique for this movie.  So, I figured that was as good a reason as any to re-visit it.  And, boy, I wasn’t disappointed.  What a fun movie this is!  It just exudes charm and good times out of every frame.

VCX’s blurb does it justice:  “This is a comic look at the fast food business and rates one of the best films ever. John Holmes operates a pizza delivery service that adds very special toppings provided by the delivery girls – Desiree, Candida, Chris and Laurien. But Paul Thomas and the fried chicken people enlist the aid of the infamous San Francisco Night Chicken to drive the pizza operation out of business. The sex scenes are exceptionally ludicrous in the very entertaining adult movie.”

The script is jokey but not in an eye-rolling way.  The movie opens with Desiree (playing a character named Ann Chovy) interviewing for a job at the Country Girl Pizza Parlor, and John Holmes is having a hard time reading her application.  The writing is very small in the box marked “sex” because she wrote “only once, in Alabama” in an effort to be completely honest and forthcoming, because this pizza place doesn’t just serve pizza, they serve a little sex with their pies, and Desiree is looking to be hired as a delivery girl.

This interview leads into our first sex scene, where John buries himself in her bush, both orally and then (um) dick-ily.  After a little fucking, he has her drop to her knees and blow him (“We don’t have all day!” he says) as he blows a great shot into her mouth and down her chin.

SPOILER ALERT: She gets the job.

Next up, we see the bumbling Inspector Blackie spying on the girls as they leave for their delivieries; he’s accompanied by something that sounds eerily like The Pink Panther theme.  He reminds me of my friend Alan.

Next up, we get three scenes intercut of the girls making their deliveries.

First up, Candida Royalle (who could really pass for iCarly’s older slutty sister here) hooking up with Richard Pacheco.  Next, Laurien Dominique hooks up with Paul Thomas until he gets his friend Spender Travis to join in.  And finally, Desiree Cousteau talk and talks and talks to Carl Regal who is having a real hard time eating her out with all the talking she’s doing about how cunnilingus is illegal in Alabama.

We don’t spend too much time on any of the couplings, and they’re all pretty standard.  Candida and Richard go at missionary; Lauren has PT under her as she blows Spender, (who cums on her chin; ans PT on her ass).

We then cut to Vicky Lindsay as an old horny housewife, whom we meet as she masturbates with a carrot while she’s waiting for Christine DeShaffer to show up.  And Chistine walks in, drops the pizza box on the ground, confirms the order and vigorously eats her out for all of 20 seconds and then leaves.  I think the whole sequence was 90 seconds long.

Then we’re back and forth between Desiree getting eaten out and Pacheco humping away until Desiree finally gets to her knees and blows Mr. Regal.  Cut to Pacheco banging away doggy style, but we don’t stay with it very long so we can cut back to Regal’s blowjob which ends with him jerking off onto her tits and she cleans him off.  (The reaction shots “cross the axis” in their pairing, which is visually a bit jarring.).  Finally, Candida tells her customer “Hey, cowboy!  Time for the round up!” and after a spirited round of pumping and chorus of She’s Coming Round The Mountain, he pulls out and cums on her ass as she rolls her eyes.

The whole sequence, scenes 2-6 on the IAFD listing was 13 minutes long.  The one thing you could count on about classic porn, there was no time to be bored.  On the other hand, there was no time to really build up a rhythm and linger on a pairing you might really like.

More slapstick from Inspector Blackie, who is unable to close the antenna on his walkie-talkie, and he chases Candida and Christine down on his own skateboard with a hand-held siren/megaphone.  They talk their way out of it (“You need to catch us on the way out, not on the way back in.  We already delvered our ‘pizzas!’)

Lauren gets paid by PT and Spender who sit and chat with Pacheco about their failing Fried Chicken franchise; so they hatch a plan to get the girls off the street (“Cheap, hot pussy… how are you going to compete with thaaaaat?”) and protect their investment. So, they hatch a plan to call in the “Night Chicken” some sort of rapist… because rape is funny….

So, as Christine is skateboarding at night, we hear some ominous music and chicken clucks.  As she goes to investigate, she is pulled inside an alcove and feathers literally start to fly…

The next day, John and his partner (played by director Bob Chinn under the alias Danny Hussong) are making pizzas and taking orders when there’s a scream in the back and Christine cops to being raped by the Night Chicken.  John and Danny explain that they’ve been after the Night Chicken for 10 years and they want their revenge.

Cut to Christine, Candida and John sitting naked and talking about the Chicken, and then Christine starts sucking John’s cock, but Candida is pissed by this, so she rips Christine off of John’s cock, and spins her around to force her to give HER head while John fucks her… the girls move to a 69 so John can take Candida from the rear, and then John pulls out and cums on Christine’s mouth and chin.

PT gets off the phone with the Chicken who assures him that the girls will be off the street before the next day… but the boys are thinking they might want to fuck them one more time before they’re out of business…

Next up, Desiree runs into her neighbor — who just happens to be Inspector Blackie!  (and he has an awful feminine headboard on his bed…) After some discussion about how he’s never had pizza,  they strip, she blows him then rides him.  She is a cute little thing with really great tits (that may or not be fake…)  They go at it doggie style, then missionary and finally he cums on her bush.

So PT ordered a pizza and Christine delivers it.  When no one answers the door, she lets herself in and we cut to PT verifying his order (“You must be the special stuffed mushroom, deep dish surprise!”) while she’s sucking his cock.  From there, they go to doggie and she gives up the ass, which he cums on 5 minutes later.

Skating around at night, Laurien hears the clucking down the alley, and again there’s feathers flying.

Laurien goes back to the pizza place and bitches that John didn’t offer any protection at all, and he starts to apologize when Christine walks in, spitting feathers out of her mouth.  John and Bob go looking for the Chicken, but come up empty.

Another pizza order comes in from Vickie, so Christine goes out and once again attacks her, this time with a giant dildo that has a crank on it.  This scene is just as short as their other pairing.

So, now, it’s all over except for the plot.  Inspector Blackie stumbles around in the dark and Desiree, walking down the street, hears the clucking but luckily her neighbor, Inspector Blackie is there to save her; so they run off to Niagra Falls as John and Bob run in to the alley to confront the Chicken.

The end is silly, as they come out of the alley with a tape recorder, and you can pretty much see the wink, Bob says “You don’t think it was Inspector Blackie, do you?” and we cut to his car driving away, with the license plate BAHK.

Roll credits.

This is a movie that doesn’t ask anything of you, other than to sit back, relax, and let it play over you like a school play.  There’s an genial easiness to the whole endeavor that you can’t take it seriously.  There’s some fine sex in it.  It’s not modern day porno sex, it’s classic porno sex.  Just like  rock music today isn’t much like rock music from 1977, same goes for porno.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfdXWDNWzbQ]

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Miami Spice II (1986)

Tonight on Playboy Radio Nightcalls with Debi Diamond and Nicki Hunter, we’ll be talking about Miami Spice 2, the follow up to the movie we discussed last week, Miami Spice 1.

I’m travelling today, so no extensive blog posting…. I’ll just quote Imperator’s review:

That’s how high-budget flicks looked like before the advent of the pretentious plague (ya know, Blake, Grant and his ilk :-)). Not that this means that these 1986 flicks are that great either. The are a must-rent since they are the last films by the great Svetlana (“800 Fantasy Lane”, “F”, “Bad Girls”, “Sex Boat”) but she’s certainly but a shadow of her former brilliant self. Still, we get a great cast: Starring in both flicks are Amber Lynn, Sheri St. Clair, Candy Evans, and Danielle. In Part 1 they are teamed with Barbara Dare (brunnette variant), Blondie (and Tony-fucking-Montana of course), Porsche Lynn, Jeanette Littledove (she of the zeppelin silly cones), Eric Edwards, Randy West, Robert Bullock. In Part 2 these people are replaced by John Leslie, Stacy Donovan and Jennifer Noxt. We also get a good editor, sound mixer, good camera work etc etc. These are the real benefits of high budget production, not the presence of a Countach or a couple of speed boats.

Part 1 is IMHO inferior to the sequel. There is this famous “underwater blowjob” scene with Sheri, Amber and (of course) a fella (Randy West), but it’s mostly a freak show and bored me to death. Though the sex ain’t half bad, resources are being blatantly wasted throughout. Part 2 has Stacey in it, which by definition (my definition at least :-)) makes it more interesting. She is shagged in several occassions and from several angles, most satisfying of which is, yet again, the ol’ spoons. There is a very nice 3some with Joey Silvera, Stacey and Sheri. No anal for Sheri (there’s a surprise) but quite a bit of RC. Another highlight is a mini orgy with John Leslie, the delightfully cute Candy Evans, Stacy, Jeniffer Noxt and Danielle. Very nice, if you ask me. Amber is a bit underutilized compared with Part 1 which is a waste,. as she is one hot lady. But one can’t have everything. At least we get a 4-guy-on-Danielle gangbang to conclude the film.

This ambitious effort manages to generate quite a bit of heat, particularly in Part 2. One can’t help to think however of what might have been had Candy been featured more prominently, had Sheri done her usual raunchy stuff, in general had all resources been utilized to their maximum potential and to the level one would expect from Svetlana. Still, both movies are worth the rental, and Part 2 is even a very marginal purchase. Ratings: 2.90 –3.20

We’ll be on around 7:45pm Eastern, as usual.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Miami Spice (1986)

Tonight on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls (Sirius XM 102) we’ll be discussing Svetlana’s 1986 opus Miami Spice, starring Amber LynnDanielle and Sheri St. Clair.

We’ve talked about Svetlana before (previously, previously) so we know she’s known for shot-on-film, plot-driven movies with a generally decent budget and this is no exception.  Miami Vice, before it was a big-screen movie with Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, was a TV show in the mid-80s that served to re-define a large segment of pop culture.  White sports coats , docksiders with no socks and two-day stubble became the costume of a nation who was looking to series lead Don Johnson for fashion cues.

The movie opens with four drug dealers playing cards for coke (“I’ll raise you a gram….“) and they get busted by Sheri St. Clair who jumps into a red Lamborghini Countach with Amber Lynn behind the wheel and they take off through Miami for our credits sequence.  The soundtrack does a decent job of aping Jan Hammer’s synth heavy score for the series; but where the art direction of the series was all pastels, the palate here is much more conventional.

After the credits, we catch up with Amber briefed by her boss, Robert Bullock, who assigns her the task of bringing down one of the bigger drug dealers in Miami, and Amber  is happy to take the gig, on the condition that she gets to pick the girls that she works with.  Also in the office (pleased with Amber’s request) is Bullock’s secretary, Barbara Dare, who bears a very strong resemblance to Sheri St. Clair, almost to the point of distraction.  (What a sexy, smoky voice Amber has.  In fact, almost all the girls have smoky voices in this movie.  This is a movie with a lot of talking.)

Cut to Randy West in a jewelry store — with a giant porn stache! — looking at watches, and buying a very expensive one to impress (a stoned?) Danielle into having dinner with him that night.  It’s hard to get over how young everyone is.  Randy used to be a young stud (he wasn’t yet 30 when this was made) and not the old man we’ve come to know thru his Up and Cummers series…

The Countach follows his Lincoln Town Car home as he has dinner with Danielle.  There’s a lot of on location and public shooting, as we see the cars driving around.

At dinner, Danielle — a blonde, slightly hard looking gal — sensually narrates her eating a strawberry as Randy gets increasingly turned on.  He says he’d like to try that, but not with strawberries, but “Pussy.  I love nibbling on pussy!”  After that kind of dinner talk, how could any gal resist?  (Randy here almost seems like a Will Ferrell character, a more sexualized Ron Burgandy, perhaps.)

He pulls out his cock and introduces it as “It’s lean, it’s mean and a damned love machine!”  She reaches for it, but he recoils, saying she hasn’t shown him hers yet, so she pulls her panties aside and introduced her quim with “It’s cute, it’s pink and as cute as you think!”  As he eats her out, she lets loose a stream of dirty talk as she says what she wants him to do to her, and he says that all he seems to want is for her to “put it in her mouth” so she obliges, and she displays some MIGHTY FINE tongue action, while taking him in her mouth at points as well. My only complaint, if I had to have one, is that she doesn’t deep throat him… Randy’s not the largest cock in the business, and it just seems like it never occurred to her to put it all in her mouth, just three quarters.

They move to reverse cowgirl on the patio furniture, and we’re treated to a good mix of full body shots and loving pans down their writhing bodies while the synth music plays and they transition into doggie, as he uses her garter belt as reins.  The doggie is great as it is so slow — she slowly backs herself onto his cock, really taking her time, which plays really well, and she gets more eager as they get into it.  She drops to her knees and he drops a small load onto her tongue.  (Some things never change.)

Cut to Amber and Sheri on the stakeout (Sheri: “What are they doing in there?!?“) making bored small talk about Randy’s staying power.  Amber says “If they are having fun, I’m going to fuck this guy before the case is over.  The last guy came in his pants before I got his dick out.“)

Randy and Danielle leave the house, and he’s planning a pool party and needs her to get some drugs.  She’s happy to oblige — “How much?” she asks, “Two kilos?”  Randy almost has a heart attack at the quantity;  “If we’re going to party” she says, “then let’s party!”  Two kilos it is.

Amber and Sheri visit his house the next day and ring the bell.  When no one answers, they go around back to find Randy sunning himself by the pool.  Amber goes right in — “Would I like to put my lipstick on his dipstick!” and Sheri is not successful in holding her back.  She wakes Randy up by straddling him pantyless as Sheri puts a handcuff around his erect dick.  This, as you might imagine, freaks him out a bit, but the plays along as Amber gently strokes him and fellates him – y’know, in order to prevent him from becoming flaccid and slipping out of the cuffs — and he says he’ll help them sting the drug lord, but for a price — the day with Amber and Sheri.  Sheri gets offended and pushes him in the pool as Amber wastes no time slipping out of her dress and sitting naked on the diving board.  She opens her legs to a synth flourish and the porno music starts.

Amber looks awesome here.  She’s still all-natural — the surgeons haven’t gotten their hands on her yet — and tan all over as Randy swims over and starts eating her out.  Shei strips down to bra and panties and slides down the slide and swims over to Randy and Amber and starts making out with Randy.  She swims him around as Amber goes down the slide, and there’s a bit of underwater photography of everyone swimming around which culminates in the movie’s best known scene — the underwater blowjob.  The girls take turns blowing him as Randy holds himself up on the diving board.  Eventually, he turns himself around — feet on the side of the pool, still hanging on to the diving board — and the girls take over blowing him up in the open air.  Amber easily take his cock down to the root so he’s balls deep in her mouth, and Sheri (to my frustration) stays in her bra and panties.

Amber and Randy switch spots so he can return the favor, and Sheri gets in some licks on Amber’s nipples before Randy flips back around; but this time, Sheri comes up from underneath Randy to plant herself on his balls.  This is truly an awesome and novel position, which they stay in as Amber jerks him off on her face.  This is a better load than earlier, so it’s safe to assume they shot this during the day before the Danielle scene at night.

Cut to the cabin of a yacht where Danielle and her favorite drug lord, Eric Edwards, are talking, and she’s bragging that she’s made a sale for two kilos and he jealously asks her if she had to fuck the guy to make it.  She’s not sure she should tell him, but he insists, so she tells him about it as she makes little designs on his leg, which leads to her rubbing herself thru her pants as she tells Eric the steamy details of her and Randy’s dinner then fucking, and Eric starts rubbing his cock thru his pants as she tells the story, and she gets more and more worked up as more and more naked until finally Eric moves in for lunch and she chows down on the main course.

They fuck in doggie and missionary and he pulls out of her so she can jerk him off all over her bush and belly.  These are my favorite kinds of endings — totally organic, they’re fucking and then he cums, not a complete stop of the action to re-position for the cumshot…

Randy and Danielle drive by the yacht in a speed boat and Eric throws the package of coke down to them.  Suddently, we’re back in Randy’s house and Danielle introduces him to blonde Candie Evens and brunette Jeanette Littledove as two girls who will do anything for him.  There’s a lot of “what would you like us to do for you?” talk and Randy directs the girls.  (I am not sure if Jeanette was Amber’s sister-in-law at this point or not; Jeanette was involved for a long time with Amber’s brother, fellow performer Buck Adams)

Jeanette looks completely passive, just barely cracking a smile, while Candie is all giggles and enthusiasm.

Randy moves in to fuck Candie doggie style, and she’s still all bouncy and fun, but when he moves over to Jeanette, she really isn’t working it, she just takes it.  There’s an abrupt cut to Jeanette riding Randy pretty vigorously, but it’s the vigorous disconnected  action of a stripper giving just another lapdance.  Randy is trying to help things along with dirty talk, but it’s somewhat half-hearted.  Candie starts rubbing Randy’s thighs, but thinks better of getting her head down there, as Jeanette’s ass would undoubtedly crush her; but in a promising development, Randy falls out of her and Candie jerks him off on Jeanette’s ass and then cleans him off with some post-cum head. (Yay!)  So far, it’s the weakest scene due to Jeanette’s general disinterest, tho Candie does her best to save it.

The doorbell rings and Amber comes in, undercover in a super low-cut sweater and pink satin mini-skirt.  He shows her the coke and Amber pays for some as Danielle plays pool and notices the dealing.  She introduces herself, and Randy introduces Amber as “A doctor… a nose specialist.” Danielle seems taken by Amber and offers to take her to meet Eric on the yacht.  Cut to the marina where a lot of folks are milling about and the three girls (Danielle, Amber and now Sheri) get on the boat.  The boat leaves the dock, and Eric isn’t sure Danielle made the best play, but she assures him that the girls are loaded, and they go into the cabin to have some drinks.

Sheri is in a great looking mini skirt with a very tight top that shows off her great tits, and Amber is now in some knee high gold go-go boots.  They all sit around a little awkwardly drinking when Amber starts touching Sheri’s hand and Danielle takes that as a cue to turn on some music and show off her well-honed stripper moves as she gives Eric a blowjob.  Amber and Sheri pretend to look shocked, until Amber joins in, leaving Sheri on the couch pouting.  Why must they keep her sidelined?!

Amber really goes to town on Eric’s cock, taking him all the way down as Sheri defrosts a little and moves her hand down between her legs.  Finally her panties come off and she shows off her perfect little pussy (it really is delightful, you have to see it to believe it) as she watches Amber grind on Eric’s cock.  Finally, she can’t take it anymore and she goes over, pushes Amber off him with a playful “My turn!” and Danielle pulls Amber off to get herself eaten out while Sheri blows Eric.  There’s very little talking and very much synth music in this scene.

Eric lays Sheri down on the floor and has her legs pinned back as he just plows himself into her as she takes it all in.  It’s a pretty great angle, just watching his dick get swallowed by Sheri’s womanliness until he pulls out and strokes off onto her belly and shoulder.  She laps a little up.

Amber reports back to the boss and asks to borrow Barbara for the party that night… and we cut to the party where Randy is laying out the players and he works out a signal for them.  We see hot and buff  Tony Montana playing with a tray of coke as we pan around the party.  We also see Tony’s girlfriend, Blondi, playing in the pool.  Also among the party goers are Mike DeMarco and Porsche Lynn.

Suddenly, the pairings start to happen, and Tony and Blondi are going at it while Porsche and Mike are exploring each other as well.  We cut back and forth between the two pairings, with no live sound and overpowering synth music… but Porsche looks great as she swallows Mike’s dick, using her hand, and keeping her pinky up as they used to teach in charm school.  Porsche gets into Mike returning the favor, having her legs open as wide as possible and bucking her hips as he eats her, and then pinching his nipples as he fucks her.  We get some live sound, so we can hear her begging him to fuck her right before he pulls out and blows his load on her bush.

Then we cut to Tony and Barbi who are going at in a standing doggie, but she’s almost sidesaddle.  It’s their signature move — they do it in a lot of their movies — and it shows off her amazingly tight, lithe body as he nails her before blowing his load on her bush as well.

These two scenes were very short.

Cut to Eric and Randy making a deal, and Eric is curious why he has never met Randy in his travels, and Randy figures they must run in different circles.  Eric has the coke brought out with a line reading that will eventually enter society’s lexicon — but because an animated Comic Book Guy, not this movie —  “Best. Peruvian Flake. Ever.”

Eric asks Randy for the money, and he stalls, saying he left it in his wallet in the car — this guy must carry around $10,000 bills as walking around money — and Eric calls shenanigans just as Barbara and Amber bust in, ignoring Randy and going right to Eric.  In what might be the dumbest line ever, Randy whines “What took you so long?”  I guess Eric knows who the rat is…

Back in the boss’ office, he mentions (as if he’s half-asleep, wake up Robert!!) that he’ll have to tell the mayor about this case, and Amber slyly asks that he leave out some details.  He mentions not wanting to “blow their cover” and (you can see this coming, right?) Barbara coos that “I’d blow yours anytime, Captain.  In fact, Jennifer and I don’t have anything planned for tonight” and he offers to show them “the pistol that he has in his pants.”  And they violently go after his cock, to the point where it looks like it’s not attached to a person.  Then an abrupt cut to them fucking in a room with a giant mural of a moonscape (“They’re fucking on the moon!”) where Barbara is getting balled and Amber is adding oral support and after some brief missionary fucking (with Amber matching his thrusts from behind him) he pulls out and Amber jerks him off (a bit too violently, it seems) onto Barbara’s Bush.  (I couldn’t resist.)

THE END.

Yes, it’s as abrupt as that.

Final thoughts: it started out so strongly, and ended less strongly. On the plus sides, there are performers in this who are still working in modern times, and this is like looking at an old yearbook — everyone is trim and fit and young and hot looking (which is not to say they’re not these things now, but they’re less young than they were).  The hottest scenes were the ones where we could hear what’s going on, the ones where we couldn’t less so.  The scenes towards the end of the movie were rushed, almost like they were running out of film.

There is a Miami Spice 2, whichwe’ll talk about next time.