Category Archives: Playboy Radio

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Comeback (1995)

Tonight (7:45 Eastern, 4:45 Pacific) on Playboy Radio (XM 102), we’ll be discussing Paul Thomas‘ 1995 classic, Comeback, which was a starring vehicle for Christy Canyon, who  was marking her return to boy/girl performing after a 2+ year hiatus.

I’m finding it hard to believe that if porn movies could drive, this movie would already have it’s license in most parts of the United States…

Back when this came out, I wrote:

I LOVED THIS MOVIE. I was jonesing for Christy something fierce and watched PT’s SEX 2 some time ago to try and satisfy the craving because I couldn’t get a hold of this movie. Good things come to those who wait.

The movie was funny as hell. Since everything took place in the porn studio, we were treated to the noise of air wrenches and phones ringing. For some reason this struck me as very funny.

The dialog was great and the nonsex roles were handled quite ably by PT (playing a satirical version of himself) and Scotty Schwartz,  who played the writer.

Best line: when looking for an actor to take Steven St. Croix‘s spot in a scene, Tony Tedeschi looks at PT and says “Hey, you used to act…” and PT looks at him and says “Yeah, but my wife would have my balls for a cat toy” at which point a “meow” rips across the soundtrack. Very funny.

The music was great by porn standards, mostly made up of big band numbers, tho we did have to suffer through a typical inane guitar rock piece. The big band theme was a cross between “Chattanooga Choo Choo” and”Take the A Train” so that everytime it came up we titled it “Take the X Train…”  the closing credits have a loopy organ number that I would have expected to hear on Laugh-In.

Am I really gushing about a PT movie? Sure am. Hats off to PT and the writer and Christy and everyone else involved. Only downside was that some of the sex was only lukewarm (the Shelby Stevens scene, the Christa Rain scene) but the scenes with Christy were electric and most of all… fun.

I would be surprised if the scene with TT and Christy doesn’t pick up some major awards next year.

This one is a keeper.

Best scene in the movie is between TT Boy and Christy, and they’re not even on screen together!

It’s not a threeway, but a scene that proves a few different things that seemed impossible in porno: (1) the mind is the sexiest organ and (2) that (when pushed) TT Boy is not repulsive. :-)

Christy is not coming out of her dressing room. TT wants her to so they can start shooting the movie. TT and Christy talk their way through a sex scene through her door. Dallas blows TT and then gets fucked by him as the scene goes on.

TT and Christy give great performances here, which are slightly marred by the looping of lines. I watched this scene with my best man and kept saying to him “Didn’t they just say that?”

Throughout the scene, Christy goes from drawing glasses and moustaches on her “competitions” pictures (ha- sterical!) to hotly masturbating with a silver dildo.

When TT Boy cums on Dallas’ tits, he is so spent by the eroticism of the scene that he can’t perform, which sets up the rest of the movie…

Other reviews to check out:

Also on the show, we did a brief “Where Are They Now?” bit about Steven St. Croix, where I said I thought he was an artist living in France… and I was right! :-)

The article I stumbled upon via my Google news “porn” RSS feed appeared over at Business Insider and was called “From Porn Star To Painter” (there was a reprint with extensive comments from Steven/Ben over at the author’s site, but it seems to have been removed) and his website is Ben Banks Art at benbanksart.com

Tonight on Playboy Radio: The Chameleon (1989)

Tonight on Playboy Radio, we’re going to be discussing John Leslie’s The Chameleon, starring Tori Welles and Tom Byron, with a special appearance by our own Debi Diamond!

I picked this movie because it appears that Tori is on her way back to the business, teaming up with Tom Byron to form “Hall of Fame Management” (Facebook / Twitter) and I thought it might be fun to look back on one of their many movies together… and it certainly didn’t hurt that Debi is in it, and it’s a pretty awesome movie, to boot!

The plot goes more or less like this: Tori plays a woman who is able to change her appearance (i.e. a chameleon).  As the movie opens, we see a moody party going on and April West is being jerked off by Alex Horn while Scott Irish looks on; the boys change position and Scott fucks her.  We then see that she’s telling her story to her psychiatrist, played by Richard Pacheco.

She’s married to Tom Byron who does not like her changing shape, since she usually goes out and fucks people while she’s not herself, and that makes him feel bad.  To make it up to him, she turns herself into Debi Diamond and has him fuck her while she’s not looking like herself.

(Fun fact from the show: Debi and Tori never had a scene together, but Tori did end up ravishing Debi on the floor of a karaoke bar one night…)

Some time later, they go to dinner and Tori sees Victoria Paris and Peter North slinking away into a back room, so she joins them and has a torrid three-way.

Afterwards, Victoria Paris runs into a tuxedo-clad Buck Adams who takes her to a party.  There, she sees Pamela Rose and Lynn Franciss take on Ray Victory; and while they fuck Ray, she fucks Buck.

The next day, Tori arrives home and Tom is pissed that she stood him up at the restaurant.  So she gives him a gift and then they fuck a bit.

Tori then tries to seduce her analyst who wants no part of it, so she goes to a bar and transforms into Selena Steele, who is being a stalked a bit by Joey Silvera, so she bangs him to keep him at bay.

Finally, Tori ends up in the arms (and between the legs) of Buck Adams, who may not be who he seems…

There’s lots to like about this movie.  I like that has a lot of people from John Leslie’s past in it. In addition to Joey Silvera, with whom Leslie worked quite a bit both as an actor and as a colleague at Evil Angel, there’s Richard Pacheco who did the Talk Dirty to Me / Nothing To Hide movies with him; Lynn Franciss had a scene with JL in Talk Dirty to Me 2… I know the porn world is a small one, but the presence of these “older” performers just made the endeavor feel a bit more special to me.

Also notable, the Debi Diamond / Tom Byron scene won the 1990 AVN Award for Best Sex Scene Coupling: Video , and Tori and Victoria tied that year for Best New Starlet.

Roger T. Pipe over at RogReviews.com says of our pal DD:

Debi shows the sort of sexual talent that would later win her Preformer of the Year as she takes Tom all the way to the root. No small task even by this scuz guzzling blonde bim’s high standards. This sex scene is perfectly shot, well lit and just the right mix of sexy close ups and beautiful full shots as Debi uses her whole body to make love to Tom as if her life depends upon it. Her hair still dripping from the shower, she rides Tom’s cock, not screaming like a stuck pig, but moaning softly to encourage his strokes deep into her body. This may not be the super slutty Debi Diamond that raincoaters worship, but she is plenty sex in a more subduded manner here, and still manages to sound classy saying “Fuck my mouth.” Something he does with absolute glee until he cums all over her face. Then, just as the post climax lull kicks in, Tom is in the arms of Tori once again.

Rieekan over at Adult DVD Talk has this to offer:

The Chameleon is a 1989 porn classic directed by John Leslie and starring the insatiable Tori Welles. I have it on loan from a friend considerably more versed in 80s pornography than myself, but was still quite interested to see it. Unlike other classics I’ve reviewed, this one actually turned out OK and succeeded in stimulating body and brain with its eroticism. Definitely a good choice for couples if they can get past the funky hairstyles.  Hairstyles aside, the women were natural-looking ” the only departure from that department being Tori’s breasts (which were still a sight to behold). The sex wasn’t as hot as contemporary offerings but the eroticism was right up there, and there were merits for this film in not just being about inter-genital reciprocation. Tori really carries the day with her performances and voracious appetite. Not only that, but she and most of the other cast also acted quite well and the interesting and original story worked nicely.

Also over at Adult DVD Talk, Goldmember (while labeling this an Official Selection of the Goldmember Masterpiece Collection) says:

Now this is a rare example of the kind of plot that actually does work in porn! The plot creates excellent scenarios for interesting sex, is always directly related to the sex, is short & sweet, and is often arousing on its own. It turns out Tori’s character can transform herself into different women. Talk about a perfect girlfriend. The plot runs with the idea very nicely, throwing in a nice twist ending. Tori and most of the cast do a surprisingly solid job acting. I hate it when adult movie try to perform story lines that call fore extensive non sexual acting segments. This film really hits a nice balance.

Hands down, the best scene in the movie is a three-way between Peter NorthTori Welles and Victoria Paris. (Sorry, AVN…)

Corey Thomas at Adult DVD Talk:

The best and probably most memorable scene, however, is a threesome that takes place in the backroom of the restaurant between Tori Welles, Victoria Paris, and Peter North. The lighting and photography in this scene is especially good and the performers are entirely into it. North drenches Tori in one of his usual full-force cumshots.

Of the scene Rog says:

A quick glance at Tori’s body is impossible. You have to just stare in amazement at absolute feminine perfection as she disrobes and shows Victoria that she eats pussy as well as she sucks cock. Speaking of steak swallowing, Victoria does an admirable job trying to fit a good amount of Peter’s peter into her tiny mouth. Poor Tom is stuck at the table, while the love of his life is taking a huge cock from behind. By the way, Tori in her thigh high stockings is a very pretty picture. As is Victoria, who was not always known as a nasty girl, sucking Tori’s juices from Peter’s rod as he pulls out. Make no mistake, the two women here dominate the scene, with Peter just providing the meat between them. Tori’s RC is one of the most sensuous things I have ever seen in my life, she is absolutely perfect. To finish things off, Tori gets down to some serious two fisted cocksucking and tit fucking (YES, tit fucking. Horray!) With her face so perfectly located, what can Peter do,. But decorate that pretty face with thick, white cum. Tori never stops sucking and stroking, instead just leaning here head back to catch the spray as if she were showering in sperm. This is an amazing facial that must go in the all time hall of fame.

Goldmember says:

Mr. North is the third member of this historic threeway. I can remember quite a few critics in the past pointing to this scene an one of the all time threesomes. The scene gets started once Tori walks in on North and Paris, she quickly joins in and helps the Victoria deal with the “Loadman.” You can really notice the North and Paris are living in the days of big hair, it is almost comical. However Welles still looks every bit the sexpot I remember. She is one of the women with an extremely fit fuller body, but a body that is in absolutely perfect shape, allowing the light to display every seductive womanly curve. The three of them go on to create some serious heat. Watching Tori grind away on North with that kind of passion is an entertaining site. The scene ends well with Tori enthusiastically trying to finish Peter of with some tit fucking and cock sucking until the “Loadman” does cometh. Historic!

I will add a few observations on the Tom / Tori scene, in there’s a bit towards the beginning where they’re both on their backs, and he’s eating her and she’s jerking him off which is really a great piece of staging.  There can never be enough “handjob as foreplay” in my book.  This was also done in the beginning where Alex Horn is jilling April West while she’s reaching behind her to jerk him off.  Good good stuff.

Finally, to sum up, Joey Markham of the dear departed RAME newsgroup posted:

This movie is a definite must see. A definite for fans of Tori Welles and John Leslie. One of 1989’s highly acclaimed features, this movie has a lot to offer. Check it out, you won’t be disappointed.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with the talky parts of the movie, courtesy of someone over on YouTube… to see the naughty bits, get your own copy!

http://youtu.be/5RWTBJL102k

Oh, and here’s a picture of modern day Tom and Tori as part of their new venture:

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Desires Within Young Girls (1977)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (4:40 Pacific / 7:40 Eastern) I’ll be talking with Debi Diamond and Nicki Hunter about Ramsey Karson’s 1977 classic, Desires Within Young Girls.  (This is another casualty of 70s morals not syncing up with the morals of the early 21st century, as the film has been cut from it’s original running time of 103 minutes to 87 minutes due to some implications of how young the titular “young girls” really are. . . by way of example, you’ll note most series from the early 2000s all suddenly were branded as “College Girls. . . ” instead of just “Girls. . .”)

The movie starts right off with a blowjob backlight by a fireplace as Madeline Stone (Georgina Spelvin) and her husband Charlie (a disguised-to-be-older John Leslie) are going at it.  She narrates her sex in a rapid fire beat chick cadence yelling “Ride me!  Ride me!”, and John over-exaggerates his southern accent.  They got at it, and John starts wheezing, and he jokes that he’s getting old.  She says that he’s not old judging by the evidence that she’s riding, and then shortly after he falls out of her, prompting the admonition: “Ah, look what you done.  You broke the stride.  Put my evidence back where it was. . .” as she remounts him. . . when she finally cums, she leaps off and jerks him off, and we see cum flying in silhouette behind the fireplace. . . and then he dies, leaving Maddie to ponder her fate with a succinct “Oh, shit.”  Smash cut to the credits.

The credits are rolled over a static shot of a limosuine, after which we get the first cut of the DVD.

There’s a dialogue scene between Maddie and Marty, the Chauffeur (John Seeman) that isn’t in the DVD (the first line is left in):

MADDIE: And Marty, and don’t forget, it’s “Mrs. Stone” when we get there, all right?”

MARTY: I’m not going to forget, Maddie. I couldn’t if I tried; you only told me that six times since we left town 20 minutes ago.

MADDIE: Well, I’m sorry.  (tries to light cigarette) Martin, please light me a cigarette, I guess I’m just a little nervous.

MARTY: That’s no guess, Maddie.  You’re a lot more than a little nervous

MADDIE: Well, how the hell would you feel, going to pick up your own two daughters whom you hardly seen in years and now they’re coming to live with me.

MARTY: Well, it’s got to be a lot better than that prison you sent them to.

MADDIE: Ballantines may be a very strict school, but it happens to be the best girls boarding school in this country

MARTY: Aw, c’mon Maddie, they’ll love you!

MADDIE: When you get on the other side of the big 4-0 you find people start loving you a little less —

MARTY: Jesus Christ, Maddie!  You’re not exactly ready to be put out to pasture —

MADDIE: Oh, I don’t kid myself, Marty.  Sure, I had it once, but — hell, I’m out of practice; Charles has spoiled me

MARTY: Well, as far as I’m concerned you still got it.

MADDIE: You’re sweet.  But you know, fond memories don’t pay the liquor bill or YOUR salary for that matter.  That’s the thing about life, it keeps happening. . . the first of every goddamned month. . .

At which point, the car pulls into the boarding school, which is where the DVD picks up.

(I can’t tell what is offensive in that scene that you’d want it cut out of the movie. . . that it establishes the girls as her daughters and not her step-daughters?)

Cecelia (Annette Haven) and Penelope (Clair Dia) exit the school with Maddie and head towards the car.  We get a shot of Cissy coquettishly smiling at Marty.

Then there’s another dialogue scene in the car that’s been cut from the DVD.  The girls and Maddie are in the back seat, driving back home:

MADDIE: (awkwardly clears throat) I think there’s one thing we ought to get straight, right off the bat, girls.  My name is Maddie, to everyone it’s Maddie — people I like, people I don’t like, people I love and to loathe; everyone calls me Maddie.  It’s short for Madeline, not for Mother. So please, call me Maddie, never Mother.  Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not that I don’t love the idea of being a mother, I love being a mother, it’s just the name I can’t live with.  So Maddie it is, alright girls?

PENELOPE: Maddie is fine with us.

CECILIA: Jinx! You owe me a Coke.

MADDIE: What did you say?  Is that some sort of pig latin or something?

CECILIA: “Jinx, you owe me Coke?” It’s a game you play when you start to say something at the same time as someone else.

MADDIE: Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?

PENELOPE: She’s just a little nervous; we both are.

MADDIE: Oh. Well, then I think it’ll be a good idea if, uh, when you get nervous, both of you endeavor to keep your mouths tightly  shut.  You see, there’s nothing more annoying than a chattering woman.

Again, it’s not clear why this scene was cut; perhaps because it makes them seem younger than 18, playing a childish game like “Jinx” ?

In the DVD as well as the movie, we then cut to the girls in their rooms — Annette is looking at Playgirl, Clair is writing in her journal and talking on the phone, then Annette is trying on a variety of outfits; watching her not fit into a jumpsuit is one of life’s small pleasures.  Then the girls apply their makeup with the score bouncing back and forth between two themes, one for each girl.

And another scene that’s not on the DVD between the two girls, sitting on their beds, reading dirty magazines.

PENNY: This is absolutely impossible.  Nobody.. NO-body can do this in a car like that.  (She shows Cissy the magazine)

CISSY: I bet Marty can. . . (she looks thru her magazine) Huh.  You think that’s impossible?  Take a look at this!

We see a close up of the article — black and white photos  of people fucking in odd poses under the headline “COITAL POSITIONS:  The Erotic Acrobatics”

We get dreamy harps, and the scene dissolves to a field and Cissy is running out of the back of the limo, clad only in a Fredericks of Hollywood cupless underwire bra and panties and stockings as Marty chases her.  We quickly dissolve back to the bedroom and then back to the car where Marty is spread eagle in the open hood as Cissy is blowing him. . . then they’re on the roof of the car fucking. . . cut to the room and more black and white photos of fellatio, and back to the field where Cissy is blowing Marty some more, and then they’re back on the roof of the car fucking in missionary.  Cut to the magazine then back to Marty who is eating Cissy out as she’s holding herself in the driver’s side door.  More magazine and they’re fucking doggie style in the back seat.  End of scene, no pop shot.

We cut to Maddie who is on the phone, only the last part of her line is on the DVD before it cuts to a scene that’s not in the original cut (but more on that in a second)

MADDIE: That’s right, tomorrow.  And Friday, Penny.  Oh, and Mark — kind of watch it with Cissy, she’s a bit prone towards puppy love . . . that wasn’t funny, Mark.  You can leave your sense of humor home, with your cocker spaniel.

Next we have a scene in the kitchen with the girls and Maddie, which seems to be missing a bit on my tape as well, as the context of Penny’s line at the beginning doesn’t make much sense. . .

PENNY: Even my newspapers. . .

CISSY: Even my birth control pills!

MADDIE: Oh God! You didn’t take one, did you?

CISSY: (weakly) I think so. . .

MADDIE: Will you two, please remember to forget to take your pills, from here on in?  Penny, will you run and see if Martin has the car ready?

CISSY: I will!

Cissy runs out on the errand.

MADDIE: Oh, God — I’m afraid I’ve made my own little Frankenstein’s Monster.  You know, Penny, you’re going to have to help me keep an eye on Cissy.  From what Mark says, she’s as horny as she is scattered.

PENNY: That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

MADDIE: Now,we are NOT going to get into that again.  I spent three years putting this little expedition together, and I am in no mood for last minute aggravations.

PENNY: Perish the thought, if there’s anything I would not want to be it’s a “last minute aggravation.” (spitefully) Besides, we’re only here for you to use us, like you do everyone else. . .

MADDIE: Three years, the last of my bank account and all of my energy have been used up, getting you two little ingrates prepared to find suitable husbands; and that’s not “using you,” it’s called “collecting interest on old investments.”  Three months it’s taken me to get these invitations together; now if you were just half as smart as your mouth, young lady, you’d realize that you can’t make someone sexy, it’s just the way Cissy is.

PENNY: Lucky her. . .

Cut to the exterior of the house, and Penny calls over to Mark, who is dribbling a basketball.

PENNY: Mark!  Come here!

MARK: You decided to check up on me huh?  (He takes a mouthful of water from a nearby water fountain and then spits it out)  Play some basketball?

Cut to them sitting in a grassy area, Mark seems a little dejected; he doesn’t want to say goodbye.

PENNY: So, we’re going to this guy’s big mountain ranch in, uh, I don’t know, Big Sur, or something like that. . .

MARK: All right, look.  You’ll probably meet a nice man, you’ll have plenty of money, and houses and boats and cars — he’ll buy you everything you need want, and you’ll probably live happily ever after.

PENNY: That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?

MARK: Yeah (sigh) That’s the way it’s supposed to be. . .

Cut to the girls and Maddie in the back of the car again driving to see the Blanchards.

Now, in place of the above scenes on the DVD, they’re replaced by a scene between Penny and Mark, and his attempt to teach her how to seduce a man, since she’ll need those skills for husband-hunting.  They’re in her bedroom; she’s half-naked under the covers, he sits on the side of the bed.  Nothing is rushed.

PENNY: Well, how would you feel?  Maddie has kept us as far removed from men as possible. And suddenly. . .

MARK: All of a sudden: me.

PENNY: I hadn’t meant that personally.

MARK: Maybe we’re going about this all wrong.  If you think this is a first for you. . . I mean. . . before you can make love to someone, you need to seduce them. And, um, you don’t know the first thing about seducing somebody.

PENNY: Oh! Seduction is very big around here.  It’s just one man after another.

MARK: Let’s make it a game.

PENNY: What do I win?  How about a vacuum cleaner?  Or a cruise to Tijuana?

MARK: Look, first of all, let’s figure that we’re really at a party, and, uh, you picked me up downstairs.  (She giggles) And you got me to meet you up here.

PENNY: Were you easy?  (Giggles)

MARK: I’m not supposed to be; but for you. . . I was a push over.  One smile. . .

PENNY: OK. . .

MARK: (indicating her being more undressed than he is)  You seem to have a head start. Why don’t you help me catch up.  You can’t seduce me Penny unless you get to me.

PENNY: Am I doing it right?

MARK: It might be a little more fun if you’ve investigated. . .

At which point he has Clair undress him, making sure to have her spend time playing with his chest hair and his nipples.  He returns the favor, spending quite some time on her breasts before having her remove his pants.  This is a pretty languid scene with lots of kissing.  He works his way down her body, spending more time on her nipples (like little erasers they are!) and spends some time orally pleasing her.  (It should be noted the print this transfer came from is pretty badly damaged with surface noise, but it does not affect the hotness of the scene.)

Finally they get down to the fucking, and he mounts her in missionary, and there’s still a lot of kissing going on, and then he ever so easily sits her up and do a little sitting cowgirl before he lies down for the full ride-on.  He flips her back around onto her side and he goes at it side-saddle for a few strokes before finishing with the doggie.  The sex cuts around at this point, some cocksucking, some fucking, she’s on top, he’s on top and it finally ends with the patented John Leslie “pull out with the no-hands cumshot” even tho Penny lends a helping hand a little which he then guides her hand, to finish her lesson.

Now, we’re back to the scene where the girls and Maddie are heading to see the Blanchards.  The goal is to try to seduce his son (Jason Blanchard, but he prefers Jace)  in the hopes of landing him and ensuring their continued financial stability.  Annette is dressed like a farmer’s daughter in a gingham top that can barely contain her breasts (lots of underboob!) and cut-offs.

The rancher (Ralph Jenkins) is admonishing his son (Ray Wells) to treat the girls right lest he be sent off to agricultural college in the city.  When Annette steps out of the car, there are harps and rainbows surround the boy.  No sooner do they walk around back that they’re tearing at each other, and they end up in the stables.  He flatters her figure, saying “You’re build like a heifer in heat!” which makes her giggle.  He struggles to get her top off, and as soon as he does, he’s all over her tits.  She has an equally hard time trying to get his cock out of his pants, but finally works the button fly free so she can start sucking, while there’s fiddle and banjo playing on the soundtrack, and horses look on curiously.  Doesn’t take long for Jace to mount her doggie style (horsey style?) forcing her into the hay which causes her hay fever to flare up and she starts sneezing after while which must get him going because he starts getting ready to cum and saying things like “I’m going to put my number on you!” and then finally exclaiming “This is it! The big round-up!  Yippee!”

This is a pretty funny scene.  Not a lot going on sexually (brief cocksucking, one position) but what is there is spirited, and we get to spend most of our time looking at Annette’s fine fine ass.  (Tho, all I could think about was how much that hay probably poked at her belly.)

As they cuddle post-coitus, he lays out their great life. . . her getting up at 5 to milk the cows, having a bunch of kids, every Sunday having the whole family over for fried chicken that they’ll cook themselves. . . “we’ll slaughter them ourselves! It’s easy! I’ll teach ya!  You just grab em by the neck. . .”” and Annette screams and runs away, thus ending their hopes with the cattlemen.

Next up, they attend a high-class party — on the steps Georgina lays it out “Girls, don’t forget.  We’re here to get a proposal or pregnant or ELSE.”

As they approach, our eyepatch clad host, Harrison (Frank Hollowell), is told:

“Harrison, it looks like your final guests are coming. . .”

“Baroness, before the night is over, ALL my guests will be cumming.”

The Baroness (Joan Devlon) and Maddie have their claws out upon introductions:

Harrison: Maddie used to be quite a game player —

Baroness: Before my time, I’m sure.

Maddie: Oh Baroness, I’m sure nothing was before your time. . .

ZING!

Maddie introduces the girls to Charles Dancer the Third (Turk Lyon), and they blush and run off to the powder room.  Maddie explains that there are some games to be played, and they should just follow the instructions on the cards they’ll be given.

“Darling, there’s no more sincere compliment in the world than a hard-on . . .  I know he’s insufferable, but he’s rich Rich RICH! The rich only get richer, and its the obligation of the poor to do something about it!  You have no idea about poverty. Poor people have a very unattractive odor and bad teeth. ”

There’s a little scene between Marty and Cissy, where they smoke a little pot, but nothing comes of it beyond Annette looking divine.

There’s some small talk around the dinner table which culminates in discussion of The Game, and its goal: “Knowing and showing that he or she is the most versatile sexual athlete in this gathering of renowned superstars. . .”  There are two games, and you have to win both. . . Maddie bets Harrison she can predict the winner, if so, he’ll pay her $5,000, if not, she has to have a candlelight dinner with an old friend. . .

The first card we see reads: “You are a ravishing lesbian.  Ravish and enjoy.

So the Barroness and the Fashion Model (Bonnie Holiday) go at it.  (“I’ve never made it with royalty before!” / “I’ve never been with a fashion model before!”) and we cut back to Harrison and Maddie watching the action on a closed-circuit TV.

The scene cuts back and forth from the room to the TV and back.  Bonnie eats out Joan, as Joan grips the headboard in delight.  It’s a pretty short scene, only about two minutes.  The model hands another card to the Baroness who reads it: “Your next encounter awaits behind the door.  YOUR turn to be ravished!”  Enter the black butler who pulls out his flaccid cock and as she sees it, she yells “Oh god, no way!  Dammit, Harrison!  You motherfucker!”

Cut to Maddie watching the Baroness on TV, saying to  Harrison “All class, that one.”

“You know Maddie, if I hadn’t rigged this game, I would have thought you had. . .” and he presses another button on the cable box (standing in for a remote) and we see another card:

“You have strong sadistic tendencies.  Within this room, someone will provide you pleasure in this area.”

We enter the room and see Cissy chained naked but for a garter belt against a stone wall in a room feeling queasy after the dinner.  (Goddamn does she look great.) The General (Chesley Noone) is desperate to use some clamps on her, but she just wants Alka-Seltzer.  She cockblocks the General at every turn, she’s not having any of it; she just gives him mouth, and he almost breaks down and cries. . .. so she just masturbates and has the quickest orgasm on record. . . knocking The General out of the game.  An entertaining scene, if only for Annette’s insolence and disinterest.

Next room has Jon Martin as a shy fella who walks in on Abigail Clayton and Stacy Evans dressed in old-timey undergarments, and Abby is pushing a cloth up inside herself and has him pull it out with his mouth as Stacy undresses him and he moves on to full blown cunnilingus and then Stacy moves on to fellatio.  Stacy throws him onto the bed, wriggles out of her panties and climbs next to him as Abby pulls her stockings off and gets in bed with them.  She starts kissing down his legs and sucking on his toes as Stacy pays attention to his nipples and then they meet at his soft cock, which has the cloth wrapped around it.  They suck him off to get him hard, then Abby climbs on as he eats out Stacy.  He flips Abby over and starts fucking her as Stacy licks her tits.  Finally he takes Stacy doggie style as she sucks on her thumb and briefly thereafter launches a slo-mo Peter North-esque blast across her back.

Then Dominique (Sabrina) comes in and puts her high heel right into Jon’s cock, and he wants to go home, so he loses the game. . .

Next, Harrison hits a button and we see Charles and Penelope on a water bed, and after some horrible pillow talk, and as he starts sucking her tit, she asks him to “be careful of the lump. . . even tho I’m sure its not cancerous” which isn’t as much of as turn off as you might thin; but she continues to make up ailments until he finally stops.  (“It’s down!  It hasn’t been down since I was eight!“) Enter Cissy and she gets him hard again (“My God!  It came back to life!“) and we cut immediately to her sucking him off and him covering her in kisses ended up with him eating her out.  She rides him reverse cowgirl and on the last stroke lifts herself off him and jerks him off onto her belly.  It’s an amazingly hot end to a short-ish scene.  “I may have blown the game with your sister, but at least this was really hot!. . . wasn’t it?”  Cissy says it wasn’t and she runs out.

Maddie tells Harrison she’s expecting payment when Harrison says he has one more trick up his sleeve, and he sends Dominique to “cut [Cissy] down to size”   “Oh, fuck this!” says Cissy as she runs out.  Maddie is all pleased with herself for winning the game and Harrison hands over a check.

Maddie and Cissy are in the car and Marty tells them that Penny left some time ago in a taxi.  She goes to meet Mark at the waterfront and tells him that she’s not like Cissy and can’t be what Maddie wants her to be.  She feels Mark is the only person she can talk to, and they kiss and pledge their love for each other.  It’s a nice scene, well played between the two. . . and it foil’s Maddie’s plan, to boot.

So Maddie bring Cissy to a Yacht Party in a further attempt to land a rich suitor.  As they approach the boat, Cissy catches a glimpse of the host’s son, Clark Dayton, Jr. (Paul Thomas) and she hears the harps and sees the rainbows and promptly falls into the bay.  Clark, Jr. jumps in after her and he brings inside to wash off and dry clothes. As these things often do, they end up fucking in the shower, in an awesome scene that’s also all slow and soapy; and then, as she’s grabbing for his cock while his fingers are exploring her nether region. . . he hears the harps and sees the rainbows and they know they’re made for each other.  However, there’s an AWESOME shot taken from the ceiling looking down on them entwined in the tub, with them each on their backs, and her straddling his cock. . . then as he’s eating her out, she starts asking him a bunch of questions about their future, and she’s forcing his head around, nodding or shaking depending on the question. . .

Maddie gets introduced to Clark, Sr. (Carl Irwin) and whole plying her charms, she finds out that Junior has been disinherited years ago because he’s a drunk with no ambition. . . so she’s left high and dry again. . . but maybe Clark Sr. is showing some interest in her?

So ends a delightful movie.  It’s a take on “How To Marry a Millionaire” and the movies like it where marrying a rich guy is all a girl could want.  The sex scenes support the story, not the other way around as it usually is.

This is one of those movies everyone should see, to see how movies were made back then, how hot they can be even in modern times, and how porn has yet to see a beauty as natural as Annette Haven.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: 800 Fantasy Lane (1979)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (7:40 Eastern, 4:40 Pacific), we’re talking about the 1979 movie, 800 Fantasy Lane, the first film from director Svetlana.

The movie feels like a bunch of different mainstream 80s “teenage tit movies” where a couple of normal guys pull off some sort of scam in order to see naked girls… and in this case, fuck them.

In our case, our heroes, Jamie Gillis and Bud Wise, are gas station attendants who read in the paper that there’s a real estate agency in Los Angeles who is hiring actresses as brokers and they are will to do anything — ANYTHING! — to close the deal.  So Jamie calls the number, posing as an oil magnate from Ohio (where all the American oil reserves are, of course!) who wants to buy a house.  They fly Bud and him out to the coast and take them around to see some properties.

But first, they go to the lodge where prospective clients are staying, and here, Jamie and Bud stumble upon two of the agents getting it on…

Scene 1 between Serena and Desiree Cousteau was notable for having some fisting in it — Desiree fists Serena — but that’s been cut in modern versions of the movie.. however, the g/g scene that remains is still pretty good, and is often interrupted by cutaways to Jamie and Bud over-reacting and mugging at their good fortune.

Lisa De Leeuw is a real estate agent who wants to ger her hooks into the new meat, so she sidles up to Jamie and blows him.  Scene 2 ends in a pretty modern way with Jamie cumming all over Lisa’s tits and chin and then scooping up all the semen he can and feeding it to her.

Not to be outdone,  Nancy Suiter and Aubrey Nichols take Jamie and Bud out to look at some properties.  However, Jamie has an idea and throws Bud out of the car, so he can have the two gals to himself.

So begins Scene 3, where Jamie is blown by Nancy and Aubrey.  The scene is marred a bit by constant cutaways to Jamie’s “I’m getting blown!” face, even tho I think most of us would rather see the girls actually blow him.  He’s finally interrupted as Bud who finally makes it to the house with information designed solely to cockblock Jamie’s tryst with Nancy and Aubrey.  Selling the oil magnate story a little heavily and mentioning something about the SEC, Bud pulls Jamie aside and then locks him in a room, allowing him to come back to finish the scene with the two lovelies, eventually cumming on Nancy’s tits and then fucking Aubrey while Nancy sits on his face and the two girls make out.

Then it starts to get weird… what was a nice little sex comedy takes a turn for the darker in Scene 4 when Jamie goes downstairs in the lodge to find a full S&M dungeon, with Serena and Hillary Summers tied together by the ankles in matching  in love swings while Chris Anderson acts as the dominatrix.  There’s quite a bit of screaming and the sound of a lot of slapping, tho we don’t really see the source of the slaps.   This scene’s more S&M-y elements are  another casualty of the editor’s delete key for the DVD release.

Jamie jumps into the action, eating Serena out and then holding a lighter to it… there’s a level of trust here that can only come from performers who are totally in tune with one another, and Jamie and Serena certainly were.  After making out with Serena a bit, Jamie throws himself between the two girls and alternates eating them out.  After a while Chris straps on a dildo and animalistically fucks Serena while she shrieks in what doesn’t really pass as ecstasy.  Jamie then whips his out, flips Hillary over in the swing and then   fucks her silly, eventually cumming on her and dumping her on the floor.  Then he turns his attention to Serena and fucks her, using the strap around her throat (or was it her throat?) as leverage.  None of this reads as particularly fun, but it is certainly a textbook example of domination and submission.

After his time with the swings, he finds his way over to Desiree Cousteau who is just lying down.  He eats and then fucks her while Chris fondles Desiree’s breasts.  He steps aside to let Chris take a turn with her strap on while Desiree blows him.  Finally, he goes back over to a still-crumpled-on-the-floor Hillary and cums on her from above, concluding her degradation.  (There is an odd cut here, so I suspect some other material hit the recycle bin as this was being re-mastered for DVD.  I have a VHS of this around somewhere, I think… but no time to do a proper comparison…)

Wow.  Heavy stuff.  Not for everyone, I suspect.

Bud comes back with the girls from the house showing just as Jamie emerges from the cellar.  They head out to the pool where Bud starts making out with Lisa’s tits and Jamie overhears a discussion between Allen Colberg and Chris Anderson where he says he wants to give her 500K of “undeclared income” for a deposit on the same house that Jamie and Bud are looking at.  He doesn’t want to lose the house to them, especially since no one really knows what oil interests they have. All the while, he’s got his tits in her hand as she’s bouncing up and down on his clothed lap.  Did I mention they’re both wearing Mickey Mouse ears and he’s whooping “Ride ’em Cowboy!” and like someone riding cowboy?  That little bit of non-sex hanky panky was Scene 5.

The next afternoon, a Friday, the boys are at the real estate office about to sign on the line that is dotted when Bud starts to panic, telling Jamie that they’re sure to be found out after the agents run a credit check.  Jamie says thru gritted teeth “Listen asshole, I know what I’m doing.  It’s 5:00 on the east coast, and they won’t find out anything until Monday.”  He then hands Chris the signed paper work and slips her the tongue before he leaves… Allen calls in and offers to make some calls about Jamie and Bud since they put in an offer and he has to get on his way on Saturday, so he’d like to know if the lost the house or not.

Bud goes to play tennis with Lisa DeLeeuw and two other girls (Debi Gunter and Wendy O. Williams (of the Plasmatics, with long flowing brown hair and zero tennis skills)  which gives us a lot of opportunities to see bouncing breasts in slow motion.  Lisa and Debi have particularly great racks.  Wendy shows her bush, and all three girls moon Bud.  At the end of the match Lisa lactates on Bud (in what I assume is a special effect, as we don’t see the nipple).

Jamie, meanwhile, is enjoying himself in a hot tub with just about everyone else in the movie.  (Scene 7) Meanwhile, Bud bangs Desiree and Scene 8 ends with Desiree blowing Bud until he shoots a sizable load all over her face.

Then the movie takes another stylistic left turn as everyone plays pool ad smokes pot, but Jamie starts hallucinating… for this, I’ll quote three reviews:

Roger Pipe of rogreviews.com says:

Here is where a straight forward script takes a turn that makes no fucking sense. Everyone is playing pool and smoking a little pot. The guys end up having these fucked up hallucinations that include an eight foot penis raining milk down on naked chicks and Gillis playing lion tamer in a sexual circus. He is in a cage with Serena, Lisa and Aubrey Nichols who all have on body make up to represent a pony, leopard and tiger respectively. Interesting role play I suppose and some decent sex, but the out of left field motivation for this scene (Like the dungeon bang) just makes no sense. Lisa looks good, but Aubrey manages to steal most of the sexual thunder in this odd, final scene.

Astronight over at Adult DVD Talk says:

The group frees the weed while playing pool during the next scene. This scene may not be one of the sexiest in the movie, but it’s definitely one of the most memorable and needs to be seen. This sequence alone is worth the rental price of the DVD. The camera work really helps out this scene. It has kind of a dizzy feel that adds to the dreamlike nature of much of the scene. Jamie has a dream in the scene where he’s in a cage as a lion tamer complete with whip with Serena, Lisa DeLeeuw, and another girl done up as a lion, cheetah, and a horse. Jamie makes his way through each of the women, taming them as he goes. It’s very sexy and shows a creativity that’s rarely seen in today’s porn.

Mongo over at RAME says:

Chris Anderson, Aubrey Nichols, Serena and Bud Wise: After smoking some weed, Jamie and Bud hallucinate. This must be really special stuff, as the boys have some pretty vivid visions. Bud imagines himself with a crude six foot long papier-mâché dick, ejaculating a fountain of skim milk while Chris, Aubrey and Serena dance around his maypole, bathing in his manly flow. A non-sex scene, but still hot, in a strange kind of way.

Jamie imagines himself an animal tamer in a circus, taming a tiger (Aubrey), a leopard (Chris) and a pony? (Serena). Jamie “tames” each of the girls in turn, and instead of the old stick your head in the lion’s mouth trick, he does the dick in the tiger’s mouth trick. Pretty cheap makeup on the girls, as it rubs off all over Jamie as the scene progresses. Still, they’re definitely trying. It’s a lot more interesting than anything you’ll see in American porn today. Jamie ends the scene by cumming on Serena’s face.

Finally, the plot wraps up with Jamie stealing the half a million from Allen (who can’t report it to the police since it’s “undeclared income”) and absconding with the girls too.  All’s well that ends well.

Other things we mentioned on the show:

Additional Web Resources:

Today on Spice Radio: Sex Circus

Due to my travel schedule, I can’t be on Night Calls this week, so instead I’m stopping by Sex Circus with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn (be still my heart!) on SiriusXM Spice Radio 103 at around 12:40 Pacific Time. We’ll be doing a Legends of Porn trivia game — play along!

A taste:

Which Lynn is not in the AVN Hall of Fame?”

and / or

“The Traci Lords Scandal affected a lot of movies which had to be re-edited; but at least two were actually reshot and re-released with another actress playing traci’s part.  Name the movies and the actresses who took over the role.”