Category Archives: Reviews

I Didn’t Think Sex in Cars Could Be Funny, but My Mind Was Blown After Seeing This

I’m pondering writing all my blog posts like breathless Upworthy headlines.  (I fucking HATE Upworthy.)

On the other hand, I fucking LOVE Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee which I think is a great idea for a web series, and really what the web is kind of meant to do, I think.  It gives creatives the opportunity to do something lower-budget with lower stakes, and just let them have fun doing what they do best.  I’m a big fan of the casual interview between colleagues since it has the potential to strip down the artifice that usually surrounds talk show appearances, so the show is right in my sweet spot.

(My favorites, in vague order of preference: Alec Baldwin, Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner, Ricky Gervais, Louis C.K., and Patton Oswalt.  This is not to say the others are bad, but these I really liked and have actually rewatched.)

comediansSo, I was really tickled to see Lee Roy Meyers and Nate Liquor over at WoodRocket come up with Comedians in Cars Getting Sex, starring James Deen (reprising his role as Seinfeld from Meyers’ other Seinfeld parodies) and recent favorite Veruca James as Sarah Silverman.

There’s lots of good stuff over at the WoodRocket site, tho I’d hope for a bit more organization.  I was looking for a blog post or something that announced this video, but it seems like it just dropped into their video section with little fanfare.

However, what they lack on their own site, they seem to have gotten Splitsider’s attention, so they got that going for them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo8h0-m5F1Q

Lee Roy and Nate really really nail the tone of the show, with the jaunty jazz, the fetishistic shots of the vehicle, the well-observed mannerism of Jerry throwing his head back and silently laughing while he drives.

After about three and half minutes of hit-and-miss banter between Seinfeld and Silverman, we cut to the backseat of the extended cab where James and Veruca get down to business.

There’s a couple minutes of heavy breathing and dry humping and giggling which is nice, before Veruca’s pants come off and James chows down.  Not a lot of overly porny moaning; just a lot of smiles, eye contact and happy sounds as he buries himself in her ladybits.

the greatest thing about the scene is how they interact with each other.  It’s not a faceless cock pounding into an anonymous pussy.  It’s two people having a bunch of fun in the back of a truck; which makes it a bunch of fun to watch.

They miss an opportunity for Veruca to wrap James’ rascal, leaving him to do it before he plunges into her doggy style.  There’s some neck-on-throat, if that’s your thing (or be aware, if it’s not…)

They’re able to get into a bunch of sweaty positions before they end up in reverse cowgirl with James’ pulling out and off to cum on her bush.  She orally cleans him up afterward.  Fade to black.

There are much worse ways to spend 25 minutes. If you’re a fan of any of these folks, you owe it to yourself to check this out.

 

Review: Wet Titty T-Shirt Telethon (2013)

It’s been a while since we reviewed anything, but Wet Titty T-Shirt Telethon came across the screen this morning via BabyGotBoobs.com and it stars three of my current faves — Ashley GrahamAlex Chance and Noelle Easton  — who are trying their best to resuscitate Danny D who has fallen into a coma of sorts after rescuing… someone.  Who could focus with those mounds of God-given flesh prancing about?  The girls appear on a telethon as an incentive to donate and three extras answer the phones (can anyone tell us who they are? Unknown Female 288232-AUnknown Male 288232-B and Unknown Male 288232-C) while our host, played in a most entertaining manner by Unknown Male 286304 (D.D. Cola? he introduces himself as…), tries to get the phones to ring while narrating the action.

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It seems the girls are going soak their giant racks as incentive to call.  For my money, they got their T-Shirts a bit too wet a bit too soon, there wasn’t ample time to tease; it was just “IT’S WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN!” (cue Frank Zappa) but really, the girls are bouncing and doing all the things you want three pairs of natural tits to do in clinky damp cotton, and all is more or less right in the world.

Danny wakes up enough to aim a super-soaker at the girls and get them jumping around.

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There’s great slo-mo action of the girls playing with water balloons between their balloons (seriously, someone stop me with these puns!) and the girls move in for some three-way tonsil hockey.  Then the shirts come off and Danny gets himself out of the wheelchair and his erect pecker leads the way.

Long story short (almost 13 minutes in!) they start gobbling his knob in short order, and the banging can commence.

Noelle starts making out with him as Ashley is the first one to blow him.  As an aside, his dick is really huge.  Ash can have the tip in her mouth and Alex can be working his balls, and there’s no chance they’re going to bonk heads.

There’s lots of focus on breast play here, which we should expect from a site called BabyGotBoobs, but I digress…

No one is ever standing around waiting for some action, the director (Brando? Why don’t sites credit their directors!!?!) makes sure that everyone has something to do.  So while one girl is getting banged, the other two are either making out with each other, eating each other out, or otherwise involved in the action.

The rest of the scene unfolds in a pleasing way, with Ashley squirting a few times via Danny’d dicking for good measure.  Ashley is sporting a natural bush, while the other two are hairless.

There’s good variety in positions and pairings.  All the girls smile a lot and seem to be enjoying their time at work.  Ashley, who has a great rack, is a little outclassed in the size dept. by Alex and Noelle; their tits envelop Danny’s manhood, while hers can’t quite wrap around him the whole way.

There’s the obligatory three girls bend over a table while Danny works his way down, taking each in a standing doggie position; but even then, when the girls are waiting their turn, they’re kissing each other or Danny, and keeping themselves involved.  Ashley and Alex have some great (perhaps distracting, even) kissing while Danny bones Noelle from behind.

They wrap up with all three girls kneeling in front of Danny as he jerks himself off over their faces, and the movie ends with Danny thanking us for the telethon, the girls are bouncing and jumping again, and we’re left with a smile on our face.

The three actresses are favorites of mine because they’re all come across as pretty genuine and natural onscreen.  Physically, Alex and Noelle aren’t stick thin; but, let’s face it, that’s why they got the big chesticles, and that’s why I like them.  They’re real gals; they’re not put together by doctors. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… well, maybe a little… but I shouldn’t judge…) Ashley is the most toned of the three, but she still looks like she belongs at a site called BabyGotBoobs; plus I think she’d totally fit in walking around town, wearing yoga pants and driving all the Dads wild as they take the kids for FroYo.

You can do a lot worse than this scene; and Brazzers offers a “2 Days – 1 Dollar” trial, so you can grab this scene and look around before committing.

Today on Radio Sex: Babyface 2 (1986)

babyface2_vhsToday around 2:40 Eastern on Radio Sex’s You Porn show (SiriusXM 102), I’ll be talking about Alex DeRenzy‘s 1986 movie, Baby Face 2 which is a sequel in name only (mostly) to his classic 1977 classic Baby Face.  (Again, many thanks to Mark Murray’s blog, Adventures in Erotica,  for the inspiration.)  (The Gore-Gore Girl also has a good recap of this movie with vidcaps.)

The movie opens with Candie Evens sunning herself and telling us the story of the last summer. Seems some crazy things happened in town.  One of the girls they know was alleged to have a stroke, but Candie doesn’t think so, since Marc told her what really happened, and now she’s going to tell us.  (The porno version of The Cars’ hit MAGIC off Heartbeat City is a classic)

(Side note: virtually all character names share first names with their actors, so it makes ID’ing things simpler.  But who is Lori?)

It all started when cheerleaders  Lynn Franciss and Lois Ayres were down by the racetrack waiting for Lois’ boyfriend Kevin James to show up. They’re looking forward to Careena Collins‘ bachelorette party later that night.

Lois jumps into his white Trans Am ad they go for a ride down to the marina.  While in the parking lot, she takes Kevin’s cock out f his pants and starts jerking it, but she’s worried they’ll be seen so they head for an abandoned shed, but not before she asks “Kevin, why don’t you buy me a boat?” in just an awesome teasing/playful way.  They find their way into the shed — and it has a mattress in it! How lucky someone else has had the same idea about the shed! — and Lois gets right to it, and Kevin giggles “You’re so eager!” as she’s diving for his pants.  She complains that she doesn’t have time, and they strip down.  Kevin asks “OK, so do you want to do me, or should I do you?” and she giggles, say she’ll do him and eats him.  It’s a pretty standard fuck and suck, but what’s so great about it is their interactions, the little asides and glaces and moans — “How you doin?” he asks her and she smiles wide like a girl getting banged “I’m fine. You?”  There’s kissing and doggie style sex (standing and kneeling) which ends with him cumming on her ass and her bitching about him getting her all sticky since she has places to be and how’s he going to clean it up? He uses his sock and laments that she gets upset if he cums inside her too.  “I don’t want to get pregnant!” Damned if you, Kevin… some fun banter closes out the scene.

Cut to Lori’s house, and her mom and dad are getting ready to leave to fetch grandma as the girls — Lynn FrancissStacey Donovan Taija Rae and Lois Ayres — show up. As the folks get in the car, Mom mentions that Grandma has had “one of her spells for ages!”

Taija and Stacy try on lingerie and run down to join the other girls as Kristara Barrington is hawking sex toys.

Back to Candie telling us she had no idea the party was a sex party!  And that the boys were surprised too… she remembers the day well…

Kevin’s Trans Am pulls up and he, Tom Byron and Marc Wallice jump out, trying to figure out what to do since the girls are all busy that night.  Candie Evens and Melissa Melendez approach, and Kevin sugests they all go sit in a hot tub and drink beer.  Marc begs off and the girls jump into the Trans Am with Kevin and Tom and take off.

Back at the house, Lois is sampling the Hitachi Magic Wand and gets busted by her friends who rush to taste the edible panties.  (Which reminds me of a great joke from Eating Raoul: “Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix…”) and the girls play around with the sex toys, but nothing explicit, just goofing around. Careena helps Lois with the Wand.

At the hot tub, Melissa hooks up with Kevin and Candie hooks up with Tom.  We’re 20 minutes in and it’s the second sex scene only.  Kevin and Melissa go off and he fingers her quite a bit The Tom/Candy doggie bang pairing is a classic and appears in a bunch of comps.  (The Kevin/Melissa pairing is kind of forgotten about. Boo.)

Back in the house, night has fallen and the party is getting ready to get started.  The girls are all in lingerie and Marc Wallice is creeping outside.  He’s discovered by Lynn and shoo’d away.  (We find out that Careena is marrying Jerry Butler.)  A giant cake is rolled in and an unshaven,  beer-swilling, cigar-chomping stripper in the guise of Jamie Gillis pops out.  Well, he doesn’t really pop out as he’s half-asleep.  (Cue the sad trumpets.) Kristara is pissed at Jamie’s appearance and demands “a proper show.”  He prances around and the girls don’t know what to make of it.  It’s pretty funny stuff.  (It’s about 34 minutes in.)

For making fun of his dancing, Jamie casts a spell on the girls in the name of Aphrodite and after much wind and strobe lights, the girls are all masturbating furiously and Careena goes right for Jamie’s cock as Lynn hungrily devours Marc.  Stacey and Taija pair off, leaving Lois and Kristara to pleasure themselves. (Hello Scenes 4-8)  It’s a pretty energetic set of pairings with some good angles (and some weird ones) and “new wave” music and wind noises drowning out any live sound.

The scenes more or less end and we’re panning over Candie’s tanned body and she tells us that Marc left and told all the guys about the sex crazed sluts the girls all turned into.  They guys all go to Lori’s house and they’re overtaken by lust, and when Taija starts to suck Jerry, Careena tells her she can have him.  Sharing is fundamental!

Kevin and Marc stumble upon Lois and Kristara masturbating, and before he can say “Lois, what are you doing here?!” Lois has grabbed Marc and Kristara has grabbed Kevin.

Taija and Jerry have a great doggie romp as the live sound is brought back into the mix along with the music and the cumshots begin — Kristara jerks Kevin off onto her face; Lois jerks Marc off onto her face, Jerry jerks off on to Taijia’s ass as Tom Byron walks by causing Taija to go chasing after him, leaving Jerry holding his dick.  The guys can’t take all the action because the girls are still insatiable.

Tom escapes into a closet, but Taija in a half-undone corset finds him (and her tits look spectacular) and she talks him through eating her out.  They bang.

Lynn finds Dick Rambone and his baby’s arm of a dick and goes to town on it.

Stacey Donovan has her way with Francois, and for a girl who made a career out of being disinterested and boring, DeRenzy coaxes a decent sexual performance out of her.  He cums on her belly as she runs off.  He doesn’t understand their need for always more cock.  A.B.C.  A – Always. B – Blow. C- Cock.

Mom and Dad come home with Grandma – Marion Eaton who starred in the first Baby Face — and he just wants some quiet and some rest; but she is overcome by the bacchanlia she’s witnessing and suddenly she’s whipping out cellophane and acting crazy (a callback to the first movie where they bound Dan Roberts in Saran Wrap).  The party is broken up.  Careena is yelling for “Jerry, get your hands off Lori!” and it looks like he’s grabbing Lynn, so is she Lori?  But Candie calls her Lynn at the beginning of the movie… is Lori the MacGuffin of the movie?

And Candie wraps things up telling us that Careena isn’t marrying Jerry, but has been hanging out with some older guy who smokes cigars and gets off to Hustler Magazines.

Thoughts:

This is a non-stop sex ride of a movie. It starts conventionally with the Kevin/Lois pairing and then the Tom/Candie pairing, and then it goes off the rails with just non-stop sex.  There’s an energy to the second half of the movie that is really great.  Hard to pick a favorite pairing, but I’m a sucker for Taija Rae and Lois Ayres, so they were standouts, as was the Tom/Candie scene.

Out of 10, we go with 9, I suppose.  (I hate ratings.)

Related:

 

 

Today on Radio Sex: Outlaw Ladies (1981)

outlawladies“For Fearless Men and Ambitious Women!” 

Today on Radio Sex’ YouPorn on XM 102 around 2:40, I’ll be talking about Outlaw Ladies, Henri Pachard‘s vignette movie from 1981.

A tip o’ the hat to Mark Murray’s blog Adventures in Erotica, for inspiring today’s choice (and providing the poster I glommed for the article).

I haven’t seen Outlaw Ladies in forever, and it popped up on Mark’s blog, so I figured I’d revisit.  I’m glad I did.

We open with Marlene Willoughby getting herself beautiful, only to have R. Bolla throw a brief hump into her under the covers.  She’s unfulfilled, and an archetype for the movie — the rich and bored wives of the rich and straying husbands.

Bobby Astyr lets Juliet Anderson know he’s going to be working late, which is great for her so she can set up a tryst between herself and Ron Hudd, with an assist from Jody Maxwell.  Juliet explains to Jody that she wants to use the new vibrator today, so when she gives the word, Jody should apply it.

Ron gets out of the shower and Juliet directs the sex like a pro.  All dirty talk and telling him what she needs him to do (“Don’t pull my head; just hold your cock so you don’t shoot too soon…“) while she blows him, then she rides him and has Jody (clothed throughout) shove the vibrator up her bum which brings Juliet to orgasm and then she leaps off Ron and jerks him off onto her face.

We get an interlude which will set up later scenes – artist John Leslie is sketching a portrait of Samantha Fox and husband Al Greenbach (according to the credits), but she gets called away.  

Next, we see Marlene Willoughby as a high-fashion model (by day!) being photographed by Henri Pachard and Josh Andrews and then we cut to her in a bubble bath which seems to be how she transforms to high-class callgirl by night.  Bobby Astyr shows up at Marlene’s apartment (complete with African-American Maid,played by Jolet Kodet!) and she starts things off by eating his ass for a little before blowing him then riding him cowgirl.  She has panties sticking out of her netherbits which she flutters across Bobby’s cock before wrapping the panties around his cock as she kneels down to suck him to completion.  She then wipes him up using them and offering them as a souvenir.  He’s not sure what to do with them.

Veronica Hart busts into to R. Bolla‘s office exclaiming “Not guilty! That little Puerto Rican is now free! I got him free.” and they argue about the billing status of the case. He calls in Merle Michaels, his secretary, and reads her the riot act for not sending the bill to court with Veronica.  She apologizes and leaves.  Veronica is all fired up and wants to get back to work on a murder appeal for another client.  She eschews an offer of dinner with “Harry” to work late.  She calls Harry to tell him she’s working late and asks him to fix his own dinner… her desire to work on the murder appeal is quickly forgotten as she calls John Leslie to get together at the office.  Slight awkwardness as she’s chastised by the cleaning lady (Cami Graham) for working so hard, and then she gets caught leading John back to her office and by R. Bolla and Merle who are leaving together.

Veronica asks John to “put it up her backside” tonight.  He asks if she’s ever done it, she says no, so John explains that prep is necessary.  That she keeps calling it “her backside” is funny. She’s bent over her desk and he goes straight to the A.  Eventually, she relents and calls it “her ass” and as the phone rings – her husband asking where food is kept — John cums all over her ass.  She’s upset because she wanted him to cum inside, but she “tightened up and pushed [him] out.”  This scene is a little dark with Veronica’s face in a bit of shadow.

Also of note, a chorus singing “OUTLAW LA-DIES!” between each scene.

Merle and R. Bolla are at her apartment enjoying some jug wine when her mom calls.  They go back to making out post-call and we briefly cut to Samantha Fox driving down 42nd Street, eyeing Show World (in its former glory).  Back to Merle and R. he eats her out a bit, then she sucks him off and they fuck in missionary; but she gets very anxious that he not cum inside her, so she offers to suck him off and she jerks him off between her breasts and cleans him off.  What’s nice is, up until this point, the guys (except for John Leslie, and his was done for dramatic purposes) aren’t jacking themselves off.

We cut to a dive bar where Joey Silvera is drinking beers with Debbie Revenge and others (Geri AvantMargo Dumont) while Jody Maxwell looks on.  Samantha Fox walks in as it caught off-guard by Jody’s presence. Joey leads the two socialites upstairs to a small apartment where the most prominent feature is the bed.  the two girls take turns servicing Joey and the dialog is pretty tawdry, with Samanatha and Jody asking Joey about fucking the “girl downstairs” and commenting that they can taste her pussy on his dick.  They fuck him and finally he cums in Jody’s mouth as Samantha jerks him off, but they cut around the ejaculation, and it’s pretty dark, so there’s some reliance on your imagination…

Finally, the movie spends its last 10 minutes wrapping up the Merle Michaels character.  Long story short, Merle wants something more from R. Bolla, who says nix since they work together and she should be able to go out and meet some young people.  It’s perhaps the nicest brush-off on record.  He returns home to Marlene, shares the good news about the not guilty verdict, but his wife is aware something is up.  Back at the office, he asks Veronica to fire Merle.  Back in Merle’s apartment, she’s moping around and the phone rings, and it’s John Leslie (not her mother!) and he wants to go out, but she asks him to come over instead.  He says he’ll pick up some food and wine and he’ll be by.  Back in R. Bolla’s house, the phone rings and Merle gives her the message “Instead of fucking my tits, he should fuck your tits… and if he can’t fuck your tits, then he should fuck HIMSELF!”

Roll credits.

The thing that lifts this movie is the chemistry the performers have.  They’re all pros and they can all act, and it goes a long way to keeping things believable.  The final line is delivered believably, when in lesser hands it could have been painful.  The establishing scenes are all sensible and give the following sex acts some context.

This is an easy movie to watch, the sex scenes aren’t soul-crushing marathons.

Best scenes – Veronica Hart / John Leslie because they’re go great at what they do. There’s not a lot of variety in the scene – she doesn’t even blow him – but they’ve got a chemistry.  The Merle Michaels / R. Bolla scene succeeds because she’s so breathlessly enthusiastic. The other scenes are all good too.  Just watch the movie.  It’s only 85 minutes long!

 

Today on Radio Sex: Candy Stripers (1978)

candystripersposterSo we’re back on the radio again around 2:40 Eastern after a week off  — Radio Sex is now Sirius XM 102  – – and we’ll be talking about Bob Chinn‘s 1978 classic, Candy Stripers.

This movie is notorious for having two fisting scenes in it, and one of the scenes is actually a double-fisting.  The uncut version of the movie hasn’t been released on DVD or VOD for fear of prosecution over the fisting, but you can find the uncut movie online (cough, xhamster, cough).  HOWEVER, the fisting scenes are hidden on the DVD (copped from Greybeard’s review of the film over at Adult DVD Talk):

Now to the Easter Egg stuff. … Here’s how to get to the scenes: After the Arrow Trailers, the following message is shown: “Easter Egg! To find the deleted scenes, start at the Main Menu, and from ‘Play Movie’, click a combination of four arrow buttons to access this Easter Egg.” … the correct combination of buttons once you are highlighted on “Play Movie” is: Right, Down, Right, Left, Enter. You can also simply play Title 2 using your DVD player’s navigation buttons.

The original running time of the film is 84 minutes, but with the cut scenes, we’re down to 73 on the DVD/VOD offerings.

We list 16 scenes, but that’s a bit misleading; many of the scenes are intercut or are very brief.

The movie doesn’t waste any time, starting out with Cris Cassidy (billed here as Montana) and medical intern Joey Silvera banging in her bed; but the coitus is interrupted by a phone call from Cris’ friend — but she asks her friend to hold on a minute so Joey can finish up.  The whole scene is about 90 seconds.  Cris then finishes talking to her friend, setting up the rest of the movie.

Roll opening credits.

Stock shots of ambulances pulling in to a hospital and Cris getting out and going in to work while a wah-wah laden theme song plays.

The credits tell us we have three Candy Stripers — Cris Cassidy. Amber Hunt and Nancy Hoffman — and they’re there to deliver newspapers and provide comfort to the afflicted.   There are also some nurses, Lauren Black and Mimi Morgan watching over the hospital’s patients; and those patients include Paul ThomasRock Steadie and Phaedra Grant.

The plot, such as it is, concerns Nancy Hoffman‘s last day as a candy striper and her shenanigans.  No one knows where she is, so the head striper, Sarge (Sharon Thorpe), searches and finds her in the linen closet blowing a doctor (Richard Pacheco).  It’s a brief blowjob scene with him telling her to not “get any on her uniform!” when he cums on her face.  There’s lots of silly puns and musical stingers.   Sarge has an Alison Brie vibe going on, and I won’t be complaining about that.

The stripers then head out to see other patients – Amber (in cliche’d 70s rose colored glasses) goes to see Rock whom she has pee in a erlenmeyer flask and then she cleans him off with her mouth.  He goes on to tell her how he fantasized about her the night before while he jerked off.

Cut back to the nurses station and Sarge is angry that Nancy has gone missing again, but we know she’s under the nurses station eating out nurse Lauren Black.

Cris goes back to see Phaedra with a delivery of giant bananas.  They tease each other about Richard Pacheco‘s desire to get with Phaedra, and Cris leaves, promising to return soon.

Cut back to Rock and Amber in a 69.

Cut back to the Nurses Station where Nancy is now eating out Nurse Mimi Morgan.  (It’s a throwaway gag)

Cut back to Rock and Amber where he’s eating her and then he gets her doggie style and works most of his fist into her.  She then rolls onto her back where he can really work himself upside her.  He doesn’t move a lot when he’s up there, but she bucks her hips like crazy and pulls his wrist deeper into her. It’s a long sequence; almost five minutes.

Then we meet patient Paul Thomas and his guest Eileen Wells.  He has her finger herself and let him taste them.  Nancy Hoffman walks in on them and is invited into the action.

Sarge busts into Phaedra’s room, interrupting her banana masturbation session, and Cris comes into give her a sponge bath and finds the banana sticking out of her snatch.  Phaedra is mortally embarrassed, and Cris lends a loving hand.  She teases that Phaedra would live Dr. Hart to be there, but Dr. Hart can’t do this — as she rotates the banana all the way around and then Cris goes down on her.

Back to PT, Eileen and Nancy and Nancy is eating out Eileen (this girl eats a ton of pussy in this movie!) and they strip down, and then Eileen tells Nancy to stick a finger in, then “stick them all in” and we have our second fisting of the movie.  Eileen massages herself while Nancy keeps herself steady, gently rocking in rhythem with Eileen’s hips and then thrusting a bit more.  PT warns Nancy “Don’t lose your watch!” and then after a few moments, an unexpected turn of events – Nancy slides a second hand into Eileen.  (Granted, Nancy was a small girl, but still.) PT gets into the action, leaning out of the bed to suckle on Eileen’s left breast and to massage her clit.  They also make out a bit.  ancy then is throwing her whole body into the endeavor, smiling like its Christmas morning. Finally its over, and Nancy slips herself out and goes back to eating before a cut where Eileen is in bed with PT while he’s fucking Nancy doggie style. Then he fucks Eileen doggie while Nancy is under them and he cums on Nancy’s face.  (She doesn’t do a great job of dodging his balls while he’s banging  Eileen – looks like it could have hurt…)

Cut to a really nice overhead shot of Cris and Phaedra in a 69 as they wrap up their lovemaking.

That gets us thru the first seven pairings of the movie, and there’s only a half hour to go…

amber_csAmber (in her heart shaped rose glasses) goes home to bang intern Joey, and while she wishes it was a little more romantic, she has no trouble stepping out of her uniform to reveal her naked form.  There’s a cute bit of them in bed and she complains about his socks being on…

Cut back to the hospital and everyone is getting ready for Nancy’s going away party. The operating theatre is decked out in streamers and everyone is there – except Amber and Joey who are having their own party  – and Sarge.  But then, speak of the devil, there’s Sarge! And she’s sad that everyone thinks she’s a prude, so she downs her drink (vodka?) and tells Nancy to “eat [her] out and get the party started!”

Back with Joey and Amber, he makes the confession that he wants to suck her asshole, and she treats it like the most romantic thing ever.

Back at the orgy, we get the rest of our scene pairings out of the way all at once.  We find out that Sarge’s name tag is “Virginia O’Neil”

Nancy is literally dripping wet as Sarge eats her out.  Everyone gets a little  action, and orgy is well covered.  Shots linger just long enough to build excitement and you can tell who everyone is.  The only newcomer is Don Fernando who is brought in to make the pairings work out, and he and his shaggy hair bang both the nurses, Nurse Lauren Black and then Mimi Morgan in mish and scissor before she jerks him off. (The credits say that David Clark was in the orgy, but I can’t pick him out.  Anyone?)

The orgy winds down with PT blowing his load on Eileen’s face and she and Cris clean him off.  Meanwhile Richard Pacheco nails his patient Phaedra Grant bring their story to a close as he cums (no hands, John Leslie style) on her belly.  Since Don turned his attentions to Mimi, Lauren went over and finished her story off with a Rock Steadie blow job until he came on her face.

Cut back to the apartment, and Joey and Amber are humping away in mish until he cums on her box.  (Man, her hip bones are PRONOUNCED.)

Finally, we’re back in the OR and Sarge is laid on the table and all the nurses, patients and remaining candy stripers service her, while Sarge eats Eileen.

Finally, we’re back at the Nurses Station the next day and chesty new Candy Striper, Bron White, is starting her new job.  The nurses drool over her large chest and as Bron walks away, she drops a folder and bends over to pick it up, giving us a nice shot of her ass thru her panties which stays on the screen as the credits roll.

For an excellent analysis of this movie and the comedy within, please check out one of my favorite reviews on the movie: We Have No Bananas: Joke Structure in CANDY STRIPERS (1978) over at Exploding Kinetoscope

Bob Chinn is one of my favorite directors of this era (Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls, Let’s Get Physical) and this is one of my favorites of his.  It proves you don’t need a real plot – just a scenario to hang things on.  “Three Candy Stripers will do anything to make their patients feel better.”  Done.  Easy peasy.  Everyone at one time or another has had a doctor or nurse fantasy, so we got that going for us here too.

The girls are all uniformly attractive — and hairy, this was the late 70s after all — and seem to enjoy what they’re doing.  They’re partners in the proceedings as opposed to so many modern set ups where they are treated like props.

Since I know I’ll be asked, best scenes for me were the Cris Cassidy / Phaedra Grant and the Amber Hunt / Rock Steadie pairings.  And for Ginger – 4.5 out of 5 dicks.