Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Today on Spice Radio: I Like to Watch (1982)

So, today (27 June 2012) kicks off our new classic movie review segment on YouPorn on Spice Radio, SiriusXM 103.  We’re scheduled to go on at 11:40 AM Pacific / 2:40 PM Eastern with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn. To kick things off, I figured we’d talk about I Like To WatchPaul G. Vatelli‘s 1982 classic, since, well… we like to watch.

The plot of the movie is centered around a famous lingerie designer, Leticia, played by Pat Manning.  She’s getting ready for a fashion show, to be headlined by Linda (Lisa De Leeuw), a  famous model.  Helping Leticia her get ready are niece Laura (Bridgette Monet, in her debut) and her assistant Kim (Little Oral Annie). Along the way, we meet a bunch of models, Laura’s boyfriend Michael (Mike Horner, credited here as Don Hart) and some comic relief by way of the staff.

The movie opens with Laura peeping in as her Aunt Leticia is getting nailed by boytoy Phillip (Hershel Savage).  It’s a pretty standard “fucking on bed” scene, but has some nice reverse cowgirl in it and ends with a pretty good pop shot as Leticia jerks Phillip off so he explodes onto her face and hair. This leaves Laura pretty turned on with nothing to do about it.

Some plot happens as we get properly introduced to Laura, the housekeeper Gretchen (Anna Pierce), Kim and Linda.  As Laura is doing a fitting for Linda, she comments that the lace is a bit conflicted with the rest of her underthings, so Linda suggests she just drop the panties right there, laying the groundwork for some future fun…

But first, Kim has to help Mark, the plumber (Kevin James), fix the furnace… so off they go to the boiler room and then to a bypass valve in one of the fitting rooms where Kim jumps all over the Plumber, swallowing his cock with ease.  This is one of my favorite Little Oral Annie scenes, as she looks fantastic — there’s something about the bra she wears here that really shows off her swinging boobs and gives them a little shape — and she really gets to show off her sword swallowing.  There’s a shot from underneath of her taking Kevin’s James down to the root and pulling back, leaving strings of spit like spaghetti, which she then sucks back in — just awesome.

Gretchen, the housekeeper, was dispatched by Leticia to find Kim since they need to stay productive as deadlines are looming, and she spies Kim swallowing Mark , which turns her on greatly, so she takes a brief siesta and touches herself (over her clothes) while the two go at it.

Since Annie was also a bit of an analist, we have to cover that base, so she looks over at Mark and matter of factly says “I want you to fuck my ass now” and then they go at it, with some nice shots of him getting balls deep in her ass; this all finishes with a blowjob ending, with Kim jerking Mark off into her mouth… and Gretchen making a noise, revealing herself outside the door (which is one of the great “D’oh! We’re caught!” moments in porn, with Annie stopping mid-jerk to see who’s there…)

Laura and her boyfriend, Michael, head out to the park for a heart-to-heart — “Why aren’t you fucking me, Michael?” she asks, and he says he’s been trying to be a gentleman about things.  He offers to pick her up at 8 and she storms off with a “Not tonight!”  Leticia checks on her niece who doesn’t really want to talk about it.

Kim is reading a book as Gretchen is tending to the fire.  Kim calls Gretchen on her peeping, saying she’s not angry, that “it can be better with a woman” and she leans in for a kiss.

Meanwhile in the other room, Laura grabs the panties that Linda dropped during her fitting and holds them to her face and inhales deeply.  She rubs them all over herself.  She pulls a breast out of her dress and plays with her nipple.  Bridgette has REALLY GREAT TITS. She fantasizes about her Aunt’s tryst with Herschel Savage as she hikes her skirt up and starts to rub the panties on her lady bits… and then her phone rings.  It’s Linda, calling to see if Laura wants to come over for drinks.

Pan over as she hangs up to reveal Montag (Dave Cannon — Bridgette’s real life SO) sitting in a robe.  Linda leans down to him and teases “We’re going to give you such a show…”

On her way out, Laura sees Kim and Gretchen getting it on in front of the roaring fire.  (And they say porn is cliche’d!)  Kim sucks on Gretchen’s nipples a bit (nice!) before moving down for some rug munching.  Gretchen seems to be enjoying herself, cupping her ample breasts while Kim dines out.  Next, she’s being taken doggie style by Kim who is wearing a strap-on.  The scene kind of ends as Laura heads over to Linda’s; but not before getting stopped by Michael who vows to “wait here all night for you!” as she blows by him.

There’s a fireplace at Linda’s too, and Linda puts Laura in front of it.  They have a drink and Linda puts the moves on her, leaning in for a kiss that Laura doesn’t fight. The two girls kiss and as the camera moves in, we dissolve to them in their lingerie, kissing and falling back on the couch.  We see a camera mounted overhead, and Montag is watching the sapphic loving on a TV.  Linda pulls Laura’s panties off to the side and starts eating her out and Montag sits and smokes.  Laura flips Linda over and returns the muff diving favor, bringing Linda to orgasm as she grinds Laura’s face into her pelvis, and then pulls her up for a kiss.  Linda asks if is Laura trusts her and reveals that they’ve been watched the whole time and Linda brings Montag down to have his way with Laura as she looks on.

He starts by kissing her and them moving down to eat her out as Linda narrates a bit.  Bridgette is in the same type of bra that Annie was in when she was fucking Kevin — it’s a satiny sheer number and really looks nice.  Linda and Laura exchange looks with Bridgette looking right into the camera.

FILM GEEK ASIDE: I can’t help but think Vatelli tipped his hat to Bergman in one shot of Lisa De Leeuw, which had to be an homage to Liv Ullman in Persona.

He spends some time kissing on her breasts and nipples and then he brings himself forward to drop his cock in her mouth.  Linda keeps playing with herself and watching.  There’s some good high camera angles over Bridgette/Dave as she sucks him to full erectness and whispers “Make love to me, Montag!”  He kisses her as he slips his cock inside her side-saddle, which just intensifies Linda’s enjoyment of the coupling.  He swings into missionary, and there’s a lot of kissing going on as he’s pumping away.  As Linda brings herself to another shuddering orgasm, Laura jerks Montag off onto her belly.  “See, Montag? I like to watch, too!” Linda pants out between orgasmic spasms.

Michael sees two models, Cinnamon (Linda Shaw) and Honey (Elaine DeSantis) approach Leticia’s house.  Ever the gentleman, he rings the door bell and Gretchen comes to let them in.  Michael makes the introductions and Gretchen shows the girls to their room as he waits for Laura to come back.  The girls hatch a plot to get lucky and make some noise to draw Michael down a dark hallway and into an area filled with mannequins.  The girls pose as mannequins and them jump out and grab his junk, he complains it’s not his day and suddenly Cinnamon is sucking him off as Honey is french kissing him.  They swap spots as Michael  makes out with Cinnamon’s tits as Honey sucks him off. The mannequins like to watch too.

Honey moves into a 69 position as Cinnamon joins her down at Michael’s dick and they suck him and make out with one another as he buries his tongue all up in Honey’s honeypot.  Cinnamon mounts him and Honey sucks her tits as she’s riding Michael’s face. Leticia comes home, sees them fucking and goes upstairs to bed.  Now Honey’s getting it doggie style as Cinnamon lays (lies?) under her; and then they both suck him off and he baptizes them in a fountain of cum.

Next up: A MONTAGE!  Sewing machines working overtime getting ready for the big runway show; mannequins being fitted with lingerie, and then we’re at a TV studio, getting ready for the show.  A house mother (Beatrice Bowan) yells at a model named Gloria (Mary Evans) for not wanting to wear her assigned lingerie.

Two stagehands, mustachio’d Fred (John Ogden) and balding Harry (Lou Vincent) peep into the girls’ dressing room.  Fred is drooling over the girls: “I’d walk through five miles of a minefield in snowshoes just to hear her fart over a field phone.” (Really has to be heard to be believed) and Harry bets him $50 he won’t just walk in there.  The janitor (Dirty Ed Lachmann) drops off a laundry cart that Fred jumps into and then pops out of to bite Gloria on the butt.

Back in the control room, Michael bursts in and demands that Laura see him after the show in the studio.  She seems taken aback by his forcefulness and agrees.  Leticia makes another date with Phil and he wants to take it onto the next level.

Once the show is over, Laura finds her way into the empty studio and Michael bosses her around, making her sit on a couch. He’s pissed that she’s made him feel like a fool and he’s not going to stand for it anymore, especially if she’s going to stay out all night.  She’s about to confess to her threeway, thinks better of it, and then asks him simply to make love to her, right there on the couch.  She opens her dress, lets down her hair and they go at it.

On a meta-level, this scene is most notable because its one of only a few times in her career that Bridgette Monet had sex with someone other than her husband.  This is one of the longer scenes in the movie.  Michael eats her out for a bit, then she sucks him to hardness and sits reverse cowgirl on his rod.  They grind a bit as he kneds her breasts and then they move onto side side as she lies own the couch, with her eyes closed.

In this scene, in the empty studio, there is no one there to watch — just us.  But she opens her eyes for a moment, and, like the other characters before her, sees who has been watching her — she looks directly through the camera out to us, the only ones left who are watching.

They wrap up fucking doggie style and she sucks him off, jerking his load out explosively onto her shoulder and arm (stupid gravity) and she orally cleans him up afterwards.  (There is a briefest of moments when the jizz on her shoulder catches a light and it makes the most fantastic starburst…)

They share a post-coital snuggle where she tells him it was wonderful and he laughs that he’s a pretty good lay… ROUND TWO? he asks as we fade to the closing credits.

There’s not a bad sex scene in the bunch here.  The movie manages to fit in seven scenes into its 77 minute running time along with the thinnest of plots (getting ready for a fashion show, lovers not having sex, voyeurism) and some laughs as well.  (That picture of John Ogden alone makes me smile.)  If the concept of people watching other people fuck gets you off, you won’t find a better movie covering that interest, and the girls in it are all natural and all hot.  Really great stuff.

Imperator said this about it:

 This is an 1982 Swedish Erotica release that is very notable for containing one of those rare scenes between the gorgeous Bridgette Monet and someone other than Dave Cannon. The lucky stiff in this case is Mike Horner. Dave does get his chance with wifey in another scene that immediately follows a very nice Monet-Lisa De Leeuw (this name will kill me! :-)) girl-girl. Other than that, the film is a typical Swedish Erotica thingy, with lots and lots of screwing with little plot aspirations. This doesn’t mean “I like to watch” is a bad film. I sure like to watch Ms. Monet in every opportunity and this film also features the lovely Little Oral Annie displaying her trademark accomplishment as well as her willingness to do anal. If only she had picked a less silly nom de porn :-). Rating: 3.10. A must for big boobs fans (Monet, DeLeeuw and L.O.A. are all very well endowed as everybody knows)

I’d probably rank it higher, a 3.60 or so on the Imperial Scale.  It’s a keeper.

The Imperial Scale: 0 to 4, with a precision of 0.05:

  •  Anything below 2 rent at your own risk, ‘cos it sucks
  • Between 2 and 2.50, rent only if you are an ardent fan of the particular star/genre featured
  • 2.50 to 3.35 are all good to great rentals
  • 3.35 to 3.50 are good for purchasing if you can spare the bucks
  • Anything higher than 3.50 is a keeper
  • 4.00 is impossible for anything later than 1984 :-)

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Tonight on Playboy Radio: Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls (1977)

[UPDATE: I had mentioned a Facebook group on the show, Adult Movies 1968-1988 that has a lot of presence from the talent from back then. Join us.]

Tonight on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls (SiriusXM 102) we’ll be talking about Bob Chinn’s 1977 classic Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls.  (Due to a pre-existing obligation on my end, we’ll be starting a little earlier than usual — 7pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific.)

At the Club 90 panel discussion the other night, the panel was asked what their most favorite moment was during their time in the industry. Candida Royalle wasted no time and said her happiest memory was learning to ride a skateboard with Desiree Cousteau and Laurien Dominique for this movie.  So, I figured that was as good a reason as any to re-visit it.  And, boy, I wasn’t disappointed.  What a fun movie this is!  It just exudes charm and good times out of every frame.

VCX’s blurb does it justice:  “This is a comic look at the fast food business and rates one of the best films ever. John Holmes operates a pizza delivery service that adds very special toppings provided by the delivery girls – Desiree, Candida, Chris and Laurien. But Paul Thomas and the fried chicken people enlist the aid of the infamous San Francisco Night Chicken to drive the pizza operation out of business. The sex scenes are exceptionally ludicrous in the very entertaining adult movie.”

The script is jokey but not in an eye-rolling way.  The movie opens with Desiree (playing a character named Ann Chovy) interviewing for a job at the Country Girl Pizza Parlor, and John Holmes is having a hard time reading her application.  The writing is very small in the box marked “sex” because she wrote “only once, in Alabama” in an effort to be completely honest and forthcoming, because this pizza place doesn’t just serve pizza, they serve a little sex with their pies, and Desiree is looking to be hired as a delivery girl.

This interview leads into our first sex scene, where John buries himself in her bush, both orally and then (um) dick-ily.  After a little fucking, he has her drop to her knees and blow him (“We don’t have all day!” he says) as he blows a great shot into her mouth and down her chin.

SPOILER ALERT: She gets the job.

Next up, we see the bumbling Inspector Blackie spying on the girls as they leave for their delivieries; he’s accompanied by something that sounds eerily like The Pink Panther theme.  He reminds me of my friend Alan.

Next up, we get three scenes intercut of the girls making their deliveries.

First up, Candida Royalle (who could really pass for iCarly’s older slutty sister here) hooking up with Richard Pacheco.  Next, Laurien Dominique hooks up with Paul Thomas until he gets his friend Spender Travis to join in.  And finally, Desiree Cousteau talk and talks and talks to Carl Regal who is having a real hard time eating her out with all the talking she’s doing about how cunnilingus is illegal in Alabama.

We don’t spend too much time on any of the couplings, and they’re all pretty standard.  Candida and Richard go at missionary; Lauren has PT under her as she blows Spender, (who cums on her chin; ans PT on her ass).

We then cut to Vicky Lindsay as an old horny housewife, whom we meet as she masturbates with a carrot while she’s waiting for Christine DeShaffer to show up.  And Chistine walks in, drops the pizza box on the ground, confirms the order and vigorously eats her out for all of 20 seconds and then leaves.  I think the whole sequence was 90 seconds long.

Then we’re back and forth between Desiree getting eaten out and Pacheco humping away until Desiree finally gets to her knees and blows Mr. Regal.  Cut to Pacheco banging away doggy style, but we don’t stay with it very long so we can cut back to Regal’s blowjob which ends with him jerking off onto her tits and she cleans him off.  (The reaction shots “cross the axis” in their pairing, which is visually a bit jarring.).  Finally, Candida tells her customer “Hey, cowboy!  Time for the round up!” and after a spirited round of pumping and chorus of She’s Coming Round The Mountain, he pulls out and cums on her ass as she rolls her eyes.

The whole sequence, scenes 2-6 on the IAFD listing was 13 minutes long.  The one thing you could count on about classic porn, there was no time to be bored.  On the other hand, there was no time to really build up a rhythm and linger on a pairing you might really like.

More slapstick from Inspector Blackie, who is unable to close the antenna on his walkie-talkie, and he chases Candida and Christine down on his own skateboard with a hand-held siren/megaphone.  They talk their way out of it (“You need to catch us on the way out, not on the way back in.  We already delvered our ‘pizzas!’)

Lauren gets paid by PT and Spender who sit and chat with Pacheco about their failing Fried Chicken franchise; so they hatch a plan to get the girls off the street (“Cheap, hot pussy… how are you going to compete with thaaaaat?”) and protect their investment. So, they hatch a plan to call in the “Night Chicken” some sort of rapist… because rape is funny….

So, as Christine is skateboarding at night, we hear some ominous music and chicken clucks.  As she goes to investigate, she is pulled inside an alcove and feathers literally start to fly…

The next day, John and his partner (played by director Bob Chinn under the alias Danny Hussong) are making pizzas and taking orders when there’s a scream in the back and Christine cops to being raped by the Night Chicken.  John and Danny explain that they’ve been after the Night Chicken for 10 years and they want their revenge.

Cut to Christine, Candida and John sitting naked and talking about the Chicken, and then Christine starts sucking John’s cock, but Candida is pissed by this, so she rips Christine off of John’s cock, and spins her around to force her to give HER head while John fucks her… the girls move to a 69 so John can take Candida from the rear, and then John pulls out and cums on Christine’s mouth and chin.

PT gets off the phone with the Chicken who assures him that the girls will be off the street before the next day… but the boys are thinking they might want to fuck them one more time before they’re out of business…

Next up, Desiree runs into her neighbor — who just happens to be Inspector Blackie!  (and he has an awful feminine headboard on his bed…) After some discussion about how he’s never had pizza,  they strip, she blows him then rides him.  She is a cute little thing with really great tits (that may or not be fake…)  They go at it doggie style, then missionary and finally he cums on her bush.

So PT ordered a pizza and Christine delivers it.  When no one answers the door, she lets herself in and we cut to PT verifying his order (“You must be the special stuffed mushroom, deep dish surprise!”) while she’s sucking his cock.  From there, they go to doggie and she gives up the ass, which he cums on 5 minutes later.

Skating around at night, Laurien hears the clucking down the alley, and again there’s feathers flying.

Laurien goes back to the pizza place and bitches that John didn’t offer any protection at all, and he starts to apologize when Christine walks in, spitting feathers out of her mouth.  John and Bob go looking for the Chicken, but come up empty.

Another pizza order comes in from Vickie, so Christine goes out and once again attacks her, this time with a giant dildo that has a crank on it.  This scene is just as short as their other pairing.

So, now, it’s all over except for the plot.  Inspector Blackie stumbles around in the dark and Desiree, walking down the street, hears the clucking but luckily her neighbor, Inspector Blackie is there to save her; so they run off to Niagra Falls as John and Bob run in to the alley to confront the Chicken.

The end is silly, as they come out of the alley with a tape recorder, and you can pretty much see the wink, Bob says “You don’t think it was Inspector Blackie, do you?” and we cut to his car driving away, with the license plate BAHK.

Roll credits.

This is a movie that doesn’t ask anything of you, other than to sit back, relax, and let it play over you like a school play.  There’s an genial easiness to the whole endeavor that you can’t take it seriously.  There’s some fine sex in it.  It’s not modern day porno sex, it’s classic porno sex.  Just like  rock music today isn’t much like rock music from 1977, same goes for porno.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfdXWDNWzbQ]

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Miami Spice II (1986)

Tonight on Playboy Radio Nightcalls with Debi Diamond and Nicki Hunter, we’ll be talking about Miami Spice 2, the follow up to the movie we discussed last week, Miami Spice 1.

I’m travelling today, so no extensive blog posting…. I’ll just quote Imperator’s review:

That’s how high-budget flicks looked like before the advent of the pretentious plague (ya know, Blake, Grant and his ilk :-)). Not that this means that these 1986 flicks are that great either. The are a must-rent since they are the last films by the great Svetlana (“800 Fantasy Lane”, “F”, “Bad Girls”, “Sex Boat”) but she’s certainly but a shadow of her former brilliant self. Still, we get a great cast: Starring in both flicks are Amber Lynn, Sheri St. Clair, Candy Evans, and Danielle. In Part 1 they are teamed with Barbara Dare (brunnette variant), Blondie (and Tony-fucking-Montana of course), Porsche Lynn, Jeanette Littledove (she of the zeppelin silly cones), Eric Edwards, Randy West, Robert Bullock. In Part 2 these people are replaced by John Leslie, Stacy Donovan and Jennifer Noxt. We also get a good editor, sound mixer, good camera work etc etc. These are the real benefits of high budget production, not the presence of a Countach or a couple of speed boats.

Part 1 is IMHO inferior to the sequel. There is this famous “underwater blowjob” scene with Sheri, Amber and (of course) a fella (Randy West), but it’s mostly a freak show and bored me to death. Though the sex ain’t half bad, resources are being blatantly wasted throughout. Part 2 has Stacey in it, which by definition (my definition at least :-)) makes it more interesting. She is shagged in several occassions and from several angles, most satisfying of which is, yet again, the ol’ spoons. There is a very nice 3some with Joey Silvera, Stacey and Sheri. No anal for Sheri (there’s a surprise) but quite a bit of RC. Another highlight is a mini orgy with John Leslie, the delightfully cute Candy Evans, Stacy, Jeniffer Noxt and Danielle. Very nice, if you ask me. Amber is a bit underutilized compared with Part 1 which is a waste,. as she is one hot lady. But one can’t have everything. At least we get a 4-guy-on-Danielle gangbang to conclude the film.

This ambitious effort manages to generate quite a bit of heat, particularly in Part 2. One can’t help to think however of what might have been had Candy been featured more prominently, had Sheri done her usual raunchy stuff, in general had all resources been utilized to their maximum potential and to the level one would expect from Svetlana. Still, both movies are worth the rental, and Part 2 is even a very marginal purchase. Ratings: 2.90 –3.20

We’ll be on around 7:45pm Eastern, as usual.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Miami Spice (1986)

Tonight on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls (Sirius XM 102) we’ll be discussing Svetlana’s 1986 opus Miami Spice, starring Amber LynnDanielle and Sheri St. Clair.

We’ve talked about Svetlana before (previously, previously) so we know she’s known for shot-on-film, plot-driven movies with a generally decent budget and this is no exception.  Miami Vice, before it was a big-screen movie with Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, was a TV show in the mid-80s that served to re-define a large segment of pop culture.  White sports coats , docksiders with no socks and two-day stubble became the costume of a nation who was looking to series lead Don Johnson for fashion cues.

The movie opens with four drug dealers playing cards for coke (“I’ll raise you a gram….“) and they get busted by Sheri St. Clair who jumps into a red Lamborghini Countach with Amber Lynn behind the wheel and they take off through Miami for our credits sequence.  The soundtrack does a decent job of aping Jan Hammer’s synth heavy score for the series; but where the art direction of the series was all pastels, the palate here is much more conventional.

After the credits, we catch up with Amber briefed by her boss, Robert Bullock, who assigns her the task of bringing down one of the bigger drug dealers in Miami, and Amber  is happy to take the gig, on the condition that she gets to pick the girls that she works with.  Also in the office (pleased with Amber’s request) is Bullock’s secretary, Barbara Dare, who bears a very strong resemblance to Sheri St. Clair, almost to the point of distraction.  (What a sexy, smoky voice Amber has.  In fact, almost all the girls have smoky voices in this movie.  This is a movie with a lot of talking.)

Cut to Randy West in a jewelry store — with a giant porn stache! — looking at watches, and buying a very expensive one to impress (a stoned?) Danielle into having dinner with him that night.  It’s hard to get over how young everyone is.  Randy used to be a young stud (he wasn’t yet 30 when this was made) and not the old man we’ve come to know thru his Up and Cummers series…

The Countach follows his Lincoln Town Car home as he has dinner with Danielle.  There’s a lot of on location and public shooting, as we see the cars driving around.

At dinner, Danielle — a blonde, slightly hard looking gal — sensually narrates her eating a strawberry as Randy gets increasingly turned on.  He says he’d like to try that, but not with strawberries, but “Pussy.  I love nibbling on pussy!”  After that kind of dinner talk, how could any gal resist?  (Randy here almost seems like a Will Ferrell character, a more sexualized Ron Burgandy, perhaps.)

He pulls out his cock and introduces it as “It’s lean, it’s mean and a damned love machine!”  She reaches for it, but he recoils, saying she hasn’t shown him hers yet, so she pulls her panties aside and introduced her quim with “It’s cute, it’s pink and as cute as you think!”  As he eats her out, she lets loose a stream of dirty talk as she says what she wants him to do to her, and he says that all he seems to want is for her to “put it in her mouth” so she obliges, and she displays some MIGHTY FINE tongue action, while taking him in her mouth at points as well. My only complaint, if I had to have one, is that she doesn’t deep throat him… Randy’s not the largest cock in the business, and it just seems like it never occurred to her to put it all in her mouth, just three quarters.

They move to reverse cowgirl on the patio furniture, and we’re treated to a good mix of full body shots and loving pans down their writhing bodies while the synth music plays and they transition into doggie, as he uses her garter belt as reins.  The doggie is great as it is so slow — she slowly backs herself onto his cock, really taking her time, which plays really well, and she gets more eager as they get into it.  She drops to her knees and he drops a small load onto her tongue.  (Some things never change.)

Cut to Amber and Sheri on the stakeout (Sheri: “What are they doing in there?!?“) making bored small talk about Randy’s staying power.  Amber says “If they are having fun, I’m going to fuck this guy before the case is over.  The last guy came in his pants before I got his dick out.“)

Randy and Danielle leave the house, and he’s planning a pool party and needs her to get some drugs.  She’s happy to oblige — “How much?” she asks, “Two kilos?”  Randy almost has a heart attack at the quantity;  “If we’re going to party” she says, “then let’s party!”  Two kilos it is.

Amber and Sheri visit his house the next day and ring the bell.  When no one answers, they go around back to find Randy sunning himself by the pool.  Amber goes right in — “Would I like to put my lipstick on his dipstick!” and Sheri is not successful in holding her back.  She wakes Randy up by straddling him pantyless as Sheri puts a handcuff around his erect dick.  This, as you might imagine, freaks him out a bit, but the plays along as Amber gently strokes him and fellates him – y’know, in order to prevent him from becoming flaccid and slipping out of the cuffs — and he says he’ll help them sting the drug lord, but for a price — the day with Amber and Sheri.  Sheri gets offended and pushes him in the pool as Amber wastes no time slipping out of her dress and sitting naked on the diving board.  She opens her legs to a synth flourish and the porno music starts.

Amber looks awesome here.  She’s still all-natural — the surgeons haven’t gotten their hands on her yet — and tan all over as Randy swims over and starts eating her out.  Shei strips down to bra and panties and slides down the slide and swims over to Randy and Amber and starts making out with Randy.  She swims him around as Amber goes down the slide, and there’s a bit of underwater photography of everyone swimming around which culminates in the movie’s best known scene — the underwater blowjob.  The girls take turns blowing him as Randy holds himself up on the diving board.  Eventually, he turns himself around — feet on the side of the pool, still hanging on to the diving board — and the girls take over blowing him up in the open air.  Amber easily take his cock down to the root so he’s balls deep in her mouth, and Sheri (to my frustration) stays in her bra and panties.

Amber and Randy switch spots so he can return the favor, and Sheri gets in some licks on Amber’s nipples before Randy flips back around; but this time, Sheri comes up from underneath Randy to plant herself on his balls.  This is truly an awesome and novel position, which they stay in as Amber jerks him off on her face.  This is a better load than earlier, so it’s safe to assume they shot this during the day before the Danielle scene at night.

Cut to the cabin of a yacht where Danielle and her favorite drug lord, Eric Edwards, are talking, and she’s bragging that she’s made a sale for two kilos and he jealously asks her if she had to fuck the guy to make it.  She’s not sure she should tell him, but he insists, so she tells him about it as she makes little designs on his leg, which leads to her rubbing herself thru her pants as she tells Eric the steamy details of her and Randy’s dinner then fucking, and Eric starts rubbing his cock thru his pants as she tells the story, and she gets more and more worked up as more and more naked until finally Eric moves in for lunch and she chows down on the main course.

They fuck in doggie and missionary and he pulls out of her so she can jerk him off all over her bush and belly.  These are my favorite kinds of endings — totally organic, they’re fucking and then he cums, not a complete stop of the action to re-position for the cumshot…

Randy and Danielle drive by the yacht in a speed boat and Eric throws the package of coke down to them.  Suddently, we’re back in Randy’s house and Danielle introduces him to blonde Candie Evens and brunette Jeanette Littledove as two girls who will do anything for him.  There’s a lot of “what would you like us to do for you?” talk and Randy directs the girls.  (I am not sure if Jeanette was Amber’s sister-in-law at this point or not; Jeanette was involved for a long time with Amber’s brother, fellow performer Buck Adams)

Jeanette looks completely passive, just barely cracking a smile, while Candie is all giggles and enthusiasm.

Randy moves in to fuck Candie doggie style, and she’s still all bouncy and fun, but when he moves over to Jeanette, she really isn’t working it, she just takes it.  There’s an abrupt cut to Jeanette riding Randy pretty vigorously, but it’s the vigorous disconnected  action of a stripper giving just another lapdance.  Randy is trying to help things along with dirty talk, but it’s somewhat half-hearted.  Candie starts rubbing Randy’s thighs, but thinks better of getting her head down there, as Jeanette’s ass would undoubtedly crush her; but in a promising development, Randy falls out of her and Candie jerks him off on Jeanette’s ass and then cleans him off with some post-cum head. (Yay!)  So far, it’s the weakest scene due to Jeanette’s general disinterest, tho Candie does her best to save it.

The doorbell rings and Amber comes in, undercover in a super low-cut sweater and pink satin mini-skirt.  He shows her the coke and Amber pays for some as Danielle plays pool and notices the dealing.  She introduces herself, and Randy introduces Amber as “A doctor… a nose specialist.” Danielle seems taken by Amber and offers to take her to meet Eric on the yacht.  Cut to the marina where a lot of folks are milling about and the three girls (Danielle, Amber and now Sheri) get on the boat.  The boat leaves the dock, and Eric isn’t sure Danielle made the best play, but she assures him that the girls are loaded, and they go into the cabin to have some drinks.

Sheri is in a great looking mini skirt with a very tight top that shows off her great tits, and Amber is now in some knee high gold go-go boots.  They all sit around a little awkwardly drinking when Amber starts touching Sheri’s hand and Danielle takes that as a cue to turn on some music and show off her well-honed stripper moves as she gives Eric a blowjob.  Amber and Sheri pretend to look shocked, until Amber joins in, leaving Sheri on the couch pouting.  Why must they keep her sidelined?!

Amber really goes to town on Eric’s cock, taking him all the way down as Sheri defrosts a little and moves her hand down between her legs.  Finally her panties come off and she shows off her perfect little pussy (it really is delightful, you have to see it to believe it) as she watches Amber grind on Eric’s cock.  Finally, she can’t take it anymore and she goes over, pushes Amber off him with a playful “My turn!” and Danielle pulls Amber off to get herself eaten out while Sheri blows Eric.  There’s very little talking and very much synth music in this scene.

Eric lays Sheri down on the floor and has her legs pinned back as he just plows himself into her as she takes it all in.  It’s a pretty great angle, just watching his dick get swallowed by Sheri’s womanliness until he pulls out and strokes off onto her belly and shoulder.  She laps a little up.

Amber reports back to the boss and asks to borrow Barbara for the party that night… and we cut to the party where Randy is laying out the players and he works out a signal for them.  We see hot and buff  Tony Montana playing with a tray of coke as we pan around the party.  We also see Tony’s girlfriend, Blondi, playing in the pool.  Also among the party goers are Mike DeMarco and Porsche Lynn.

Suddenly, the pairings start to happen, and Tony and Blondi are going at it while Porsche and Mike are exploring each other as well.  We cut back and forth between the two pairings, with no live sound and overpowering synth music… but Porsche looks great as she swallows Mike’s dick, using her hand, and keeping her pinky up as they used to teach in charm school.  Porsche gets into Mike returning the favor, having her legs open as wide as possible and bucking her hips as he eats her, and then pinching his nipples as he fucks her.  We get some live sound, so we can hear her begging him to fuck her right before he pulls out and blows his load on her bush.

Then we cut to Tony and Barbi who are going at in a standing doggie, but she’s almost sidesaddle.  It’s their signature move — they do it in a lot of their movies — and it shows off her amazingly tight, lithe body as he nails her before blowing his load on her bush as well.

These two scenes were very short.

Cut to Eric and Randy making a deal, and Eric is curious why he has never met Randy in his travels, and Randy figures they must run in different circles.  Eric has the coke brought out with a line reading that will eventually enter society’s lexicon — but because an animated Comic Book Guy, not this movie —  “Best. Peruvian Flake. Ever.”

Eric asks Randy for the money, and he stalls, saying he left it in his wallet in the car — this guy must carry around $10,000 bills as walking around money — and Eric calls shenanigans just as Barbara and Amber bust in, ignoring Randy and going right to Eric.  In what might be the dumbest line ever, Randy whines “What took you so long?”  I guess Eric knows who the rat is…

Back in the boss’ office, he mentions (as if he’s half-asleep, wake up Robert!!) that he’ll have to tell the mayor about this case, and Amber slyly asks that he leave out some details.  He mentions not wanting to “blow their cover” and (you can see this coming, right?) Barbara coos that “I’d blow yours anytime, Captain.  In fact, Jennifer and I don’t have anything planned for tonight” and he offers to show them “the pistol that he has in his pants.”  And they violently go after his cock, to the point where it looks like it’s not attached to a person.  Then an abrupt cut to them fucking in a room with a giant mural of a moonscape (“They’re fucking on the moon!”) where Barbara is getting balled and Amber is adding oral support and after some brief missionary fucking (with Amber matching his thrusts from behind him) he pulls out and Amber jerks him off (a bit too violently, it seems) onto Barbara’s Bush.  (I couldn’t resist.)

THE END.

Yes, it’s as abrupt as that.

Final thoughts: it started out so strongly, and ended less strongly. On the plus sides, there are performers in this who are still working in modern times, and this is like looking at an old yearbook — everyone is trim and fit and young and hot looking (which is not to say they’re not these things now, but they’re less young than they were).  The hottest scenes were the ones where we could hear what’s going on, the ones where we couldn’t less so.  The scenes towards the end of the movie were rushed, almost like they were running out of film.

There is a Miami Spice 2, whichwe’ll talk about next time.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Ginger Lynn: The Movie (1988)

Tonight on Playboy Radio’s Nightcalls with Debi Diamond and guest host Kelly Shibari, we’ll be chatting about the 1988 (compilation) flick, Ginger Lynn: The Movie.  Due to a some scheduling on my end, we’ll be on 45 minutes earlier, at 7:00 PM Eastern (4:00 PM Pacific) as opposed to our regular time.

Compilation flick?  Wha?

Paradise Visuals was one of the leading adult studios in the mid-80s and they had a three-picture “deal” with Traci Lords.  (She appeared in three shot-on-video movies for them, plus a comp (Girls of Paradise) and they used a g/g scene of hers in Whore of the Worlds as well.)

Traci was arguably the biggest star at the time, but running a close second, if not arguably first, was Ginger Lynn.  So Paradise scored quite a coup when they were able to cast both Traci and Ginger in the same movies.  Having both of the biggest stars in the world in the movie was pretty much a license to print money.

Once Traci’s scandal broke, all those movies needed to be pulled from the shelves, so in 1986, we lost those three movies and the awesome scenes that didn’t feature Ms. Lords… and Paradise lost a cash machine.

Fast forward a couple years, and the good folks over at PV say “Hey, you know… if we edit the movies so Traci’s not in them, we don’t have much… but we can take the leftovers that feature Ginger and make a new movie!”  And that they did.

They took scenes from Those Young Girls (1984)Night Of Loving Dangerously (1984) and Lust in the Fast Lane (1984) and edited them together to make Ginger Lynn; The Movie.

This movie is also notable for giving us access to two AWESOME Christy Canyon scenes from her debut, which we would have lost to the (under)ages had they not been repackaged here.

The first three scenes are from “Those Young Girls.”  That movie was written by Ginger, and based on her experiences breaking into porn.  It’s a jokey script — she meets with agent John Holmes who asks if she has a portfolio, and she says she got her (immunization) shots in high school — but personality (and Ginger’s undeniable cuteness) goes a long way…

Things get underway with Ginger naked on John’s desk, fellating a banana and saying “lunch is served.”  He then dives in and eats.  (Who wouldn’t?!?)  Ginger bucks her hips and grinds into his face before dropping to her knees.  Seeing Holmes’ manhood fall out of his pants as he pulls down his jeans is still something to behold.  She laughs, not quite sure what to do with the turgid meat, and he guides her head in to do the job.  His cock is floppy, as it often was by this point in his career, but she manages to coax half a stiffy out of him. He lays her on the desk and drops his cock into her mouth as he fingers her.  It’s a pretty hot position and it shows off her body pretty well until he strokes a nice load onto her face which she cleans up like a champ.  They cuddle bit and then Ginger finds her way onto a set.

The stills guy (nice socks!) gets her acclimated, she takes off her robe revealing a pretty conservative negligee (by today’s standards, anyway).  The camera cuts to her close up, and she looks flawless.  It is not hard to believe what a star she was back then… so the second scene is just Ginger posing around a bed.

We cut back to John Holmes making a deal for Ginger to appear in a music video, as he has her under contract.

The next scene is a rather silly music video, with Harry Reems (who had to have been 40+ at the time) in silly “punk” makeup, along with Ginger with a fauxhawk and yellow lace gloves.  There’s a driving synth tune on the sound track, jump cuts and video transitions that were all the rage back then.  Since they’re both naked, I’m not sure what the market for this video was supposed to be… you can FF through it without missing too much except some prolonged tongue kissing which is then unceremoneously cut away from for a dialogue scene where he explains that its a bad idea for them to get together.

Cut to his bedroom, they’re drinking wine and trying to come up with a name, and they settle on Ginger Lynn, and she plants a big one on his lips, and then after some faint protest, she’s blowing him and he’s eating her out.  She crawls off his face and slides him up in her for some reverse cowgirl.  RC is perhaps my favorite porn position, as it really shows off the girl’s physique, and let’s her control the sex.  Ginger gyrates her hips around on his cock which is a wonderful visual.  Harry then throws her on her back, and starts a vigorous pounding before cycling thru two quick positions – side saddle then doggie, where he pulls out and cums (in ridiculous slo-mo) on her ass, finally wrapping her in a giant hug which carries a startling amount of warmth in it…

So ends our journey with Those Young Girls, and we move into Night of Loving Dangerously, with a poorly grayed Peter North driving in a car while a voice over (not Peter) establishes him as a producer out to meet Ginger… so we’ve moved from a strict comp to the thinnest of a new story.  Let’s see how they do.

(In this review of NOLD, The Fool sums up the plot thusly: “It’s a murder mystery story, where Christy Canyon, who appears in more than just sex scenes, is “Louise Harrison”, daughter of Chairman of the Board, Jamie GillisPeter North is a former cop and former husband of Traci Lords, and his ex-wife Traci calls him to investigate a blackmail plot against Louise’s father, Jamie Gillis, whom Traci is about to marry…”  How this will fit into “Ginger is an up and coming adult film star” story remains to be seen… we return to our story…)

Peter enters a house and asks if nayone is home.  Ginger and Christy are home, having a little fun of their own.  A brief g/g scene ensues with a lot of kissing and some scissoring.  We cut to Peter standing in the doorway, clapping, asking if they know “any more good tricks.”

Another mystery voiceover tells us that Ginger’s career was really taking off, as evidenced by the doggie style fucking Tom Byron is giving her.  At this point, we’re in our third movie, Lust in the Fast Lane, where we’ll stay for the next few scenes.

So Tom and Ginger are fucking, and then Tom pulls out and splashes on her ass and without explanation, Ginger is now sucking another cock, this time belonging to while Marc Wallice is working a finger up her ass.

When we open a wide shot, we see the room is full of people fucking, that there’s at least four pairings going on — Eric Edwards and Beverly BlissCrystal Breeze with Tom Byron (cocksucking, titfucking); Sheri St. Clair with  and Ginger with Marc Wallice and David Sanders (They spend a bit of time FUCKING HER ARMPITS. Seeing her with two cockheads poking out of her arms is not all that erotic, really… but they get point for being novel…)

(The scene is a horrible mess of editing. They end with each of the four corners of the frame filled with a different cumshot.  They finally break out for Marc dumping a giant load on Ginger’s face, but the scene is shot so close-up, there’s very little impact.  A horribly missed opportunity.)

The orgy continues a bit more with Beverly BlissCrystal Breeze and Sheri St. Clair working on Tom Byron. Beverly gives Tom a pretty awesome handjob, while Sheri pleasures Crystal.  Sheri was one of my favorite mid-80s performers.  Tom eventually lays Beverly down for a little buggering before he fucks Sheri St. Clair and cums virtually in her, pulling out at the last moment…

And then, LATER THAT NIGHT…

… so we end our time with Lust in the Fast Lane, and we wrap up with two scenes from Night of Loving Dangerously.

As an aside, NoLD is widely considered to be Christy’s debut.  She made some loops beforehand and did the modelling, but this was the movie that put her on the map… and soured her on facials forever.

The first has Ginger sucking Jamie Gillis’ cock and then Christy comes in for some loving.  Jamie fucks Christy while Ginger helps pleasure her with her fingers.  Then it’s Ginger’s turn to climb on top and they make one of my favorite porn positions – the triangle.  Ginger rides Jamie’s cock; Christy rides Jamie’s face and the girls kiss.  This is WAY TOO SHORT-LIVED before Ginger and Christy are 69ing, and Jamie is fucking Christy doggie. Jamie flips Ginger over and fucks her butt for a spell, first side saddle, then reverse cowgirl.  Then, as the moment of climax nears, he pushes Ginger onto her stomach, pulls out and starts jerking off while Christy is hovering over the small of Ginger’s back shooting glances off-camera and flinching every time Ginger bucks her hips.  It’s a pretty natural reaction, far from the pro that Christy matured into. Finally he starts cumming and Christy’s brought into the line of fire.  It’s pretty obvious she’s not into it, but she’s being a spot, glancing off camera for what seems to be a combination of “Help?” and “I’m a team player!”  It’s a little unsettling knowing the story behind it, but before I knew the story it was hot.

We spoke about this incident on the show back in January while we were discussing Black Throat.  Christy was not expecting Jamie to pull out of Ginger and shove his cum at her face, but that’s what he did, and it ruined her off facials for most of her career.

“… and right after high school, and no one ever came in my mouth. So suddenly, there I am at 18 and 3 months old, and some guy — Jamie Gillis – pulls out of Ginger’s ass, open like  ‘Christy, open your mouth, open your mouth!’ and I open my mouth, not even knowing, really, what was happening, but it was kind of fun up until then… and then this whole load just shoots in my mouth, and I just remember it was bitter and it smelled like Clorox Bleach, it was wrong and nasty, and they’re like FILMING IT! all of a sudden, I thought I was going to throw up… the smell was 10 times worse than my spray tan the other day; the stench was like acid… but that one first mouth loud wasn’t very good at all, and it kind of turned me off.”

So there’s that.

Finally, the last scene of the movie is a classic.  Ginger approaches Peter, “Hello, Mr. Shannon.”  He replies, “Hello (audio muted)” (Her name was “Louise” in NoLD, but “Ginger” in our story here, so we’ll get around it by introducing an audio drop out.  In the filmmakers’ defense, they could have left “Louise” in, but they were trying to tell a new story clearly, so they didn’t want to confuse things.) She asks if he’s hungry and he says he can handle a “bite or two” — of her hair pie!

And they go to town on a poolside lounge chair.  He eats her for a little bit, then she returns the favor, really showing off her cocksucking talents.  Then — awkward! – Christy stumbles upon the scene, and to avoid anything weird, she jumps out of her dress and starts sucking his cock instead.  The two girls then spend some time sharing Peter’s peter orally until Peter pulls Christy up to him to make out a little and give her massive boobs a massage.  He then lies her on the chair and lays her while Ginger stand by waiting for their position to change to doggie, so she could make love to Christy’s chest as they sway to and fro.  Finally, Peterpulls out of Christy and Ginger jerks him off onto Christy’s ass, lapping up all of his baby batter (TM Rog).

The final title card:

THE END

but for Ginger, it was just the beginning…

Credit then to the editors, Charles Watkins, Abe Steinbeck and Victor Nichols.

A worthwhile movie to see some classic Ginger Lynn action.  Well worth checking out.

Ginger is selling an autographed copy of the VHS tape on her site…