Category Archives: Shooting the Bull

Congratulations Timmy

I would like to congratulate Baron T.Otto Wilhelm Gunther Dietrich Von Swine IVth otherwise known as Tim Von Swine to you commoners for his induction into the AVN Hall of Fame. He joins his partner in crime, Mike John (2014 class), in the Hall for his contributions to gonzo with his no holds barred pig slop.

Von Swine at the center of attention

I first met Timmy almost a decade ago through Jake Malone (RIP) and was shocked that he knew me from my old reviews on ADT. He pulled no punches describing the ins and out of the industry, and that candor was refreshing even if it turned off others and may have held him back in the business. Whether it was discussing hockey, music, his favourite women, or his work, he wasn’t going to bullshit you.

I salute you, Swine, and we need to chug some beers next month.

Happy Christmas (Porn is Over Here, If You Want It)

Christmas Porn (1)

For the past few years or so, we’ve been highlighting Christmas themed titles that we have in our datbaase, and we’ve added quite a few this year, so we thought it might be time for another list.

Straight Titles

2014

2013

2012 and Prior…

Gay Titles

2013-2014

2012 and Prior

Exxxotica New Jersey 2014

Exxxotica: NJ

Well it took more than a week to decompress and sort through the photos but here’s the obligatory report on my seventh Exxxotica, the first in New Jersey that I attended. It was by far the busiest one which surprised me considering the limited accessibility of the location. The New Jersey Convention Center & Expo is in an industrial park area with limited public transit and no retail within a mile radius. You pretty much have to have a car to attend and stay around unlike Exxxoticas Chicago and Florida. I guess having a city of nine million nearby plus the megalopolis known as the East Coast helps with the attendance.

The Entire Gallery on Flickr

Friday was busy with the ladies free promotion and so was Saturday. If you wanted to see the ladies without lines, then you go Sunday. I saw a lot of bright and perky friends which I attributed to the later start time of the show (1pm). They were happy to have their photos taken (with one exception), but if you wanted a photo with them then it cost you. I also noticed photobooths for the first time which were a cute novel idea.

Belle Knox Onyx Muse Stoya

Some thoughts & observations:

  • Arrangement Finders booth was the busiest booth with their placement in the front of the convention, an emcee, and a photobooth. I think the only requirement to take photos with the girls was to signup. Onyx Muse was a delight and presumed I didn’t need to sign up and I didn’t understand how backhanded this was until I found out later that it was  site for sugar daddies and sugar babies. Heh. I didn’t catch her being naughty like Anime Nut did in Chicago but still heard her ordering the guys to, “pull my hair” & “grab my boobs” for their photos. Oh Onyx. Not only are you on the Reggie Cleveland porn roster with your name, you are also now a favourite of mine.
  • Belle Knox was the first person I saw. I found her shy and outwardly very young. I felt awkward and old asking her about school, and she seemed uncomfortable answering.
  • Stoya did not want many photos taken of her outside of the photobooth. At first I was puzzled since I had taken many over the years but I caught her blinking multiple times after each flash that I deduced the hundreds/thousands of strobes that go off a day hurt her eyes. Not only at the signings but when she goes out to dinner. One night, we were at the same restaurant and I noted that the wait staff was more busy asking her for photo ops instead of actually serving her and prefacing the request with, “I’m your biggest fan!”. She told me about a restaurant owner in Japan who met his wife at a Tomoyasu Hotei concert and decorated his restaurant with Hotei memorabilia from the last 20 or 30 years but never described himself as Hotei’s biggest fan. The moral I got then was to turn off the flash with Stoya and always squeal “I’m your biggest fan!” when I see her.
  • Mick Blue told me a story about how he once got cock blocked by a cow in the Alps. You have to hear it directly from him. I don’t remember how this conversation came about but I remember telling him about cow tipping as a kid, which he thought was a dumb idea.
  • Phoenix Marie was dressed as a panda on Sunday. A PANDA! What could be better than a panda until  I found out there was a second panda with Jada Stevens‘s booty. TWO PANDAS!

Mick Blue holding Anikka Albrite Phoenix Marie & Jada Stevens - TWO PANDAS

Data Looks Dope: Top 100 Female Porn Stars

WHAT 100

Max Einstein over at Data Looks Dope recently published an article where he took the 100 pornstars as listed over at xvideos.com and glommed their stats from us and made a fascinating (some might say, dope) graphic representing his findings.

He broke the actresses down by cup size, enhanced or natural breasts, measurements, height and ethnicity and laid it out in a giant graphic which you can get to over at his site.

top_porn_stars_with_title600

A Sad Day in NYC: The Boob Bounce House Was Closed

Had a couple of hours to kill in NYC yesterday, so Cuddly Wombat suggested I go see the Bounce House of Boobs over at The Museum of Sex.  I had only been to the museum once before, to see a panel of the Club 90 girls discuss their time in the industry, and I didn’t get a chance to walk around it much; plus, since it’s a museum, its exhibits rotate. So I figured it’d be a good time to visit.

The bounce house got a lot of press because of its absurdity and because (let’s face it) boobs — NY Magazine wrote Adventures Inside the Big-Boob Bounce House which is how I first heard of the Funland exhibit — but there were also exhibits on The Sex Lives of Animals and The Eve of Porn: Linda Lovelace, at least one which interested me.

Street level is the gift shop which is the highest end of sex-positive toy stores – lots of vibrators and condoms and books and cum rags (only $10!).

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I wasn’t sure what kind of crowd the place would attract on a Saturday afternoon in the summer, and it was a broad cross section of people – lots of young people , some older couples, and me – a middle-aged white guy in shorts walking around solo.  Happily, I did not read the vibe as creepy, which was my concern as I was waiting to buy my ticket in line with a bunch of couples or groups.

$17.95 + tax gets you access to the museum; their website currently has a coupon (thru Sept 3, 2014) for $3 off admission if you give them your email address.

You walk up the stairs, and the second floor gallery covers the Linda Lovelace exhibit.  Say what you will about Linda, she was a pioneer in how the industry was perceived — both good and (later) bad.  The walls are covered with some very attractive nudes of her shot by Milton Greene which are simply gorgeous in their printing, matting and framing.  The back wall is covered by a video projection showing the climax (literally) of Deep Throat.  (One older couple is looking at the pictures on the wall, and a guy’s wife is hitting him, saying “Larry!  Avert your eyes! Look at the pictures!”)  The design of the space is minimalist – large white room with black hand-lettering interspersed with large typeset signs. These signs around the space give a history of Linda’s time in the industry.

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The exhibit doesn’t shy away from any parts – a series of monitors along one wall detail various episodes of her life – biographer Eric Danville’s interviews of her which led to her appearing in a series of cheesecake shots for Leg Show in January 2001; I was surprised to see Legs McNeil’s interview with Eric Edwards as an way to cover Linda’s appearance in Dog Fucker.  A wall of porno playing cards featuring Linda and husband/manager/abuser Chuck Traynor were displayed as well.


It didn’t take a long time to peruse the exhibit, but it was a good, broad overview of her career, subsequent dismissal of it, and her brief return to it; and it was well designed.

The next floor up had the other two exhibits – Funland and The Sex Lives of Animals.

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The Sex Lives of Animals is a very detailed look at how other species have relations – from asexual reproduction to the bonobo chimps trading sugar cane for sex.  There’s a LOT of text on the walls, and there are pretty cool sculptures around the space of various animals fucking each other.  (The sculpture of the bonobo monkey with his huge thin boner and two fistfuls of sugar cane is a sight to behold.)

From there – the reason for my journey – Funland, and its big bounce house of boobs.

But first, we have to pass the climbing wall, where everything you’re gripping is anatomical:

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Then through a mirror maze to find the G-Spot (kind of fun, actually) then past a little carnival midway where there’s a peep show of old carny porn and a midway game where you have to roll a ball into a hole to make your silver plated cock race:

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And then finally, tucked away in the corner is the bounce house.

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Wait, what?  The bounce house is closed??!? AAAAAAUUUUUGH!

Turns out the exhibit wasn’t quite holding up to the rigors of a full time installation, so they were deflating it to install a new one, so it was going to be out of commission until the 21st of July… but we were allowed to take some pictures inside which my phone just couldn’t process that well:

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And with that, I made my way back out of the museum and out onto Fifth Avenue where I snapped the picture everyone in the world snaps – the Flatiron Building – and headed crosstown to grab some grub to take home from Daisy May’s BBQ.  (You should really go to there if you like meat.)

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