Tag Archives: kevin james

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Stiff Competition

Tonight on Playboy Radio Debi and I discussed the Caballero Classic release, Stiff Competition.   There’s some question as when the movie was made — we list it as 1984 (its copyright date), AVN lists it as 1985 (US release date) and IMDB lists it as 1986.  (IMDB seems to consider its release date in Japan as its source.)

“If you can’t eat me, you can’t beat me!  Please excite me, just don’t bite me!”

The movie starts in San Francisco, where Tammy (Gina Carrera) is riding along with her much older sugar daddy, played by Nick Random. He has a surprise for her, a trip to an underground blowjob competition.  (Ah, simpler times when a blowjob competition was considered an acceptable place to take a date…)

After paying the cover at knifepoint, they work their way downstairs where they see Jeff (Kevin James) a cocksucking coach working the crowd, looking for action that “The Mouth” (Susan Hart) can get off some lucky stud (Michael Christopher) in 8 minutes. She rips his cock out, and starts going to town as Jeff shouts encouragement and tips (“That a way – good technique! That’s the way to work it, Mouth!”)

He shouts to the crows “What do you think folks?  Do you think she’ll do it?  I think she’ll do it!” but the crowd doesn’t believe him, and a sailor comforts his friend, assuring him that Mouth isn’t up to the job. Jeff hears this and starts to get impatient — “You better do this, Mouth!” — at which point she tells him to fuck off and she runs out.

Tammy doesn’t see what the big deal is and tells Jeff she’ll finish the job so he doesn’t lose his kneecaps.

The crowd is agitated at the staff change, but Jeff and Nick talk them down and let Tammy do her job which ends up with the guy jerking off on her neck prompting Jeff to yell “WE DID IT!” as he spins Tammy around and offers to buy her dinner.  Nick takes off with a wave… this doesn’t seem to be the first time he’s let his girlfriend go home with another man.

(Point of order, I think that would be a disqualification as the girl did not get the guy off, but he got himself off… but then I suppose there’d be no movie…)

Cut to NYC and The Mouth is calling Cynthia Silkthroat (Cyndee Summers) a retired competitor who is planning her comeback on the underground cocksucking syndicate. Cynthia, — Silky, to her friends — tells The Mouth to keep an eye on Jeff and his new find so as to not have her big return spoiled… since there’s a $50,000 purse at stake.

Afterwards, she tells her manager, Jake the Snake (John Leslie), the score.  He tells her not to worry and they should get back to business… OF FUCKING! ;-)

“How about I don’t fuck you; I just look at you and jerk off?”, Snake asks.

“No way”

So he mounts her and her hips buck to meet his.  They kiss as he talks his way through it, and then they shift to doggie and she thrusts her ass against his cock. They finish up spooning, and he pulls himself out and jerks off on her bush.  They kiss quite a bit afterwards as he tells her how much she drives him crazy with lust.

At dinner, Jeff tells Tammy about the competition – the “Super Bowl of Suck-Offs.”  Tammy dreams about the 50 grand — only to say “it’s not about the money” a short while later — and Jeff offers himself as a manager for a small percentage of the purse.  He explains the competition – there’s a big suck off in Las Vegas.  The East Coast champ, Silky Throat , retired, but everyone is worried about her making a comeback to get the prize.  Tammy is non-plussed.

He invites her back to his place to see his “Yellow Bellied South African Blowfish” which is code, apparently, for making with the sex.  As she strips, Jeff makes sure she knows she’s “one attractive lady.”  They never fuck, she blows him, he fucks her face for a little and then she jerks his sizable load all over her chin.  (Nice shot, Kevin!)

Dissolve to the breakfast nook with the sun streaming in, and Tammy is looking all kids of sexy, sitting on a chair in nothing but a T-Shirt.  (Among other attributes, Gina Carrera has awesome legs.)  Jeff proposes hitting a bunch of swinger’s clubs so she can practice on a bunch of different cocks.  They settle on a name – Tammy The Tongue.

What follows is a pretty funny training montage – she’s in front of an American flag, as he points to charts and graphs of penises.  She does tongue exercises.  He repeats mantras.  She works her way down a bunch of dildos on a piece of wood.  She’s in a swinger club taking on three guys as Jeff continues his coaching.  “Remember the head – you’ll be a winner! You want to be the best, you have to work the hardest!”  Interspersed are spinning headlines “The Tongue – IS TERRIFIC..!”

Jake throws a newspaper away and bitches “Next thing you know, she’ll be on the cover of Time magazine!” (Ah, the conceit that these events are big enough to merit nationwide interest always makes me laugh.  They take it to an extreme later as we cut around to various houses filled with all shapes, sizes and ages of people watching the competition on TV.)

Silky calls Don Head in Vegas (a thin Ron Jeremy with Don King afro) to enter the competition and tells her that he sold the rights to the title bout and it’ll be carried on cable TV.  He tells her only two women have qualified so far, Linda Lonestar from Texas (Bridgette Monet) and Tammy.  (All the whole, Don is being blown by his secretary (Misty Regan) under the desk.)

What I find interesting is the willingness to not have a full sex scene.  Just a quick shot of the girl blowing Ron is enough.  It’s blowjob as sight gag; not as sexual device.

Next up, we’re in Beaver Creek, Texas and Linda Lonestar (Bridgette Monet) is doing some barbell curls and already spending the 50 grand, telling her husband (David Cannon) to hire a limo to take them to the airport instead of using a rental car.  Shortly, they get down to business on the weight bench, and she starts sucking his cock.  She deep throats him completely, the first time we see this feat in the movie.  He buggers her and then cums on her ass.  (There’s been some question if this was a stunt butt or not.  I think it’s inconclusive…)

Cut to a swinger’s party and there’s some coupling going on – Kristara Barrington is astride an amazingly young Peter NorthCynthia Brooks is being eaten by Craig Roberts – but it gets interuppted by Tammy and Jeff’s entrance.  Everyone uncouples and crowds around them.  Wayne (Herschel Savage — how young!!) swaggers in with Patti Cakes (Patty Plenty) in tow and talks some smack… so it’s a BLOW-OFF!  First one to make their man cum WINS!  (Seems to me you need less of a great cocksucking skills and more of a premature ejaculation problem to win this bet.)

Tammy sucks Jeff and Patti sucks Wayne.  There’s a ton of people cheering them on, including Jake and Silky who are getting their first glimpse of Tammy.  Before we get a winner crowned, we get Fellatio Interruptus as the host bursts in yelling that “This is a pleasure party, not a business party!  Now, get outta here!” and throws the competitors out as the rest of the guests go back to getting their freak on.

Swedish Erotica magazine sends Kitten Natividad over to cover Tammy’s training and take some photos, and you can’t have one naked girl without it becoming two naked girls, so it’s not long before Kitten releases her most famous attribute and dives in for some light pussy eating and nipple fucking. Not really a great scene.

Wayne and Patti show up in Vegas to see Don, and discuss the appearance of impropriety since Don has a contract with Silk – so how can anyone else win? So Wayne tries to grease the wheels and help with Don’s alimony with five grand, and when that doesn’t work, after much protesting of how it appears having Wayne and Patti in the office – Don lets his dick get sucked while Wayne fucks her from behind.  After a bit, they switch spots (tho Don/Ron takes her ass) and Wayne cums on her face as Don cums on her butt.

Tammy finds herself hanging around with Jake — tho she does not know who he is, or that he set her up to see Jeff and Silky rekindle their old flame… she has Jake take her home.  Jake mentions that he can help Tammy win by fixing the contest.  He takes off his ring and talks her out of  her sweater.  (“Do you feel sexy?  You look sexy…”) There’s some good sexy talk from Jake as he gets the scene started.  There’s some breast play as Jake says “I’m gonna jerk off to you.” The dirty talk continues as he taunts her by not fucking her. Eventually, naturally, they *do* fuck, but he stops and just jerks off some more, eventually cumming on her skirt. A smoldering scene.

Finally – we’re at the contest. This was shot in a real boxing arena, and the place seemed to have a lot of people in it; sure some of it was movie magic, but there were still a whole bunch of people there.

 

Paul Thomas is doing a servicable Howard Cosell impression. Next to him are some Japanese announcers, with others down the ringside table. Don Head is the ring MC, and we get some interesting shots of the arena – overhead, low shots up the steps as Linda Lonestar enters… they’ve captured the wrestling vibe very well — outlandish costumes, characters…

As the contestants are being introduced, we cut around to various people watching the match on TV at home or in bars.  That’s a lot of second unit insert work that someone had to shoot.

ROUND ONE: Tammy takes on Tom Byron and Linda takes on Steve Drake.

The crowd has signed “Tammy is on the HEAD of my list…”

What Gina lacks in deep throating skills (she has none), she makes up for with tongue work.

PT’s dialogue is overwrought in the best Cosell-ian fashion: “Tammy the Tongue has literally swallowed the nation’s imagination with her titillating tongue techniques. It’s rumored she was a trumpet player in high school and there learned to use her tongue in such a fascinating fashion and that’s what she uses to get these men off.  Her tongue is moving at an incredible 100 miles per hour…”

Hey, it’s Jack Baker in the crowd!

Linda’s stud isn’t getting hard at all, so her manager tags him out and starts fucking her face vigorously.  Bridgette is a better cocksucker than Gina, and it’s no surprise she gets her manager off before Tammy gets off Tom Byron.  (Tommy wears a bemused expression throughout.)  However, it’s the story not the performance that makes her lose the round on a rules violation.  (The rules — page 6, section 9 — state that for the purposes of competition, the sucker and the suckee cannot know one another. )

Her manager wails “How we gonna pay for that limousine now?!?”

They also cut to the TV truck where they’re shooting the match for cable TV.   I’m really impressed with the level of non-sex production put into this movie.

Cut to a packed bar where barflys argue stats:

BARFLY1: I’m telling you, the world record is 7 minutes, 23 seconds…

BARFLY 2: Indoor or Outdoor?

BARFLY1: What’s the difference?

BARFLY2: Wind resistance.

At this point, there’s a sad trombone kind of music drop.  This is a bit of a motif that runs through a lot of these 80s comedies – the director almost groans at his own joke with a music cue.  Pachard did it in Sexcapades and in Great Sexpectations.. it’s almost they don’t trust their own script.  A minor stylistic nitpick.

But the fact that the scene exists at all is extraordinary to me, since it does nothing but provide color.  There’s nothing sexy; these aren’t hunky guys or anything… it’s just a scene that the movie needed and Vatelli wasn’t afraid to shoot.

The crowd starts to go wild (and we see all the empty seats above them) when Cynthia Silkthroat enters the arena.  We cut back to the bar:

BARFLY 1: I saw this Silkthroat bitch at the ’83 Tampa Suck-Off. She’s the rat’s ass.

BARFLY 2: Your wife blows better than she does.  She’s finished.

BARFLY 1: What?   How would you know how my wife blows?

Ba-dum-bum.

ROUND TWO: Silky and Patti go up against one another; Patti blows Tom Byron (he didn’t finish the first time) and …

I’ll leave the rest of the contest for you to discover.  You can bet along with the barflies… tho I will say Tammy got a faceful of Peter North :-)

However, stick around thru the credits since there are bloopers, Cannonball Run style.

The closing credits conflict with the opening credits in that the opening credits list 1984 as the copyright date, but the closing credits say 1985, so somewhere in there is the truth. (Maybe they started th emovie in 1984 and ended in 1985.) :-)

Well, the oddest thing about this movie is how weak the stars are in the oral department as compared to others stars of the day.  Tho most their review was very positive, AVN had this to say:

“… for a film about a blowjob championship, none of the three major stars – Gina, Cyndee and Bridgette – had the skill of a Little Oral Annie or a Marilyn Chambers. Summers should’ve won but Gina Carrera was the director’s girlfriend.”

… and it’s hard to dispute that.  (The movie acknowledges this by giving Don a snippet of dialog saying that Little Oral Annie was beaten in an earlier round; there’s a newspaper prop even.)  More trivia: Paul Vatelli directed LOA’s seminal ball-draining scene in I Like To Watch.

Of the three, Gina was the weakest, tho her tongue was very active.  Bridgette could certainly swallow Dave’s dick with aplomb, but she did have quite a lot of practice with it. :-)

The best scene for me was the Gina Carrera / John Leslie more for what wasn’t done than what was.  It’s a good tease scene and John brings the charm.

Paul Vatelli died in 1986 of AIDS related pneumonia.

I was hoping to briefly revisit Dick Howard‘s post-performer career — he is quite a bit more than just a “utility player” as I characterized him, and he deserves his due — but we didn’t have the time.  To state for the record, he’s best known and most influential for his work in the adult press.  As Jeremy Stone, he served as editor of Adam Film World and as Tim Connelly, he served as editor of AVN. He was also married to Kelly Nichols,  Kimberly Carson and then later to Christy Canyon. They all ended in divorce.  In his words, “I’ve learned after being married to three porn stars that I’m really good at getting married, but I’m just not good at staying married.”

His history, in his own words, from a circa 2004 interview:

I’ve been in the business going on twenty-eight years now. I started out primarily as a performer back in New York. I’m a rock and roll drummer, and I started teaching a punk rock band’s girl drummer how to play drums, and it turned out that she wasn’t very good at playing the drums, but she was a great stripper and porn star, named  Helen Madigan, and we started a relationship.

When I got back to New York, I needed money, and I had a chance to perform with Helen, so we did that. I had a great time, and I did well, I guess, because they asked me if I wanted to continue doing it when I needed money, and I did. I also started doing live sex shows. Being someone who was a writer as well as a drummer, I started writing about my experiences. Pretty soon I found myself writing for High Society Magazine, for Swank; I ghost wrote columns for porn stars.

Then I evolved into a relationship with Kelly Nichols, who became my first of three porn star wives. The entire time I continued to play drums, and write for adult magazines about my experiences. I also started reviewing movies for Adam Film World – I used the pseudonym Jeremy Stone, because back then, in the early eighties it wasn’t necessarily a good idea to use your real name if you wanted to have a career in the music industry. So I pursued that, and continued to play drums, and whenever I needed money, I would go and do an adult film.

[Performing] was something I just found myself enjoying all the time, so when I moved out to California to play in a band, I continued to perform in movies, and I ended up with Kimberly Carson – who is the mother of my daughter, [my daughter] is now 18 – and [Kimberly] got pregnant, and wanted to get out of the business, and so did I.

At that point I was the editor of Adam Film World; I had already started doing the directory of adult films, as well as syndicating my writing into the foreign market, and I was freelancing for Adult Video News. Paul [Fishbein] had always talked about wanting to have me come over and work with him, but we just had to get the right thing going at the right time. It had to be the right money, the right agreement, the right relationship, and that took a while. We did the dance with each other for about seven years, and we continued to try and work together, and then finally about two years ago, we put it together and it happened. Since then, I’ve been over here as publisher.

(These quotes came from an interview he did with sexherald.com — “Twenty-Eight Years in the Industry – AVN Publisher Tim Connelly Loves the Job ” — but Google is currently reporting that the site is currently adware infected, so I won’t link there.  I had to use a minor bit of wget voodoo to get past Google’s blocking of the site. :-)

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Talk Dirty to Me 2

I was a bit better prepared for Night Calls tonight.

After asking Debi how her ass was (the previous segment had her getting pinched by clothespins) we went into talking about Talk Dirty To Me 2.

This Tim McDonald film from 1982 is notable for being only marginally related to Anthony Spinelli‘s original Talk Dirty To Me. Turns out there were rights issues, so Spinelli’s sequel is called Nothing To Hide and the producer’s sequel is Talk Dirty To Me 2.

This installment follows Jack (John Leslie) and Lenny (here played by Blair Harris) as they manage their local watering hole while the owner/barkeep goes away. The barkeep has one of the great opening lines “Well, well. Look who’s here… the ass bandit himself.” (Note to self: check if assbandit is available as a vanity license plate)

In one of the few nods to the original, Jack calls the real estate lady (played by Aunt Peg in the original) looking for a new sublet, but he runs into (and ends up banging) her daughter, played by Nicole Black (a dead ringer for a 1970s Sarah Silverman). They have a great scene, made greater by this little bit of action, described here by Brad in an old review from alt.sex.movies:

Nichole “seduces” Leslie and gives him a nice BJ. But the impressive part was while naked, sitting in a chair, legs parted and bent back with her feet about shoulder-height (sorry, trying this from memory and I can’t seem to find the right words), Leslie sits on the floor in front of her and proceeds to give her head; she *really* comes at least 3 times (body shuddering each time) and, on the 3rd time, manages to tilt her pelvis even further back, enlarging/stretching her vaginia even more open for Leslie to get at; it was impressive (and not an acrobatic-type move that I’ve seen since)!!

After their tryst, they sit on the couch eating crackers out of the box and watching uptight TV sex therapist Dr. Anne Childs (played by Bridgette Monet, but voiced by someone else entirely — her whole part was dubbed) and Leslie gets his idea for his next score. He and Lenny crash her TV show and he spouts enough dirty talk before getting thrown out to get under her skin in a big way.

The scene in the studio really shows off the commitment to these movies, there’s a full studio audience of 20-25 people from all walks of life — not the crowd of tattoo’d twentysomethings that pass for a crowd of extras these days…

Bridgette fucks real-life hubby Dave Cannon (playing her show’s producer) but she’s pre-occupied with many other things other than his lovin’ as she’s on the phone during a chunk of their encounter… tho she does allow a generous bit of tit-fucking, ending with a pearl necklace.

There’s a few more scenes in there, but the one that stuck out for me as I was reviewing this movie today is Scene 6 (about 53 minutes into the film) between the bartender (anyone know her name?!?) and John Leslie. It starts out with them fucking but he stops and just talks dirty as he fucks her mouth / jerks off around her neck somewhere. Bridgette stumbles upon them and watches, getting increasingly turned on; but the thing that seems to push her over the edge is the way the bartender GRABS THE SIDE OF THE TABLE IN ECSTASY. It’s amazing how long McDonald holds the shot of her tensed hand and intercuts with with Monet’s wanting face — it’s an scorching hot scene that ends in an off-camera pop shot.

 

The final pairing between Monet and Leslie is also pretty good, if for nothing else, the way it’s set up. Jack knows he’s got her where he wants her, so he camps out in her bedroom waiting for her to come home (breaking and entering was never so sexy!) and he sits on the bed playing harmonica and grinning like the cat who gets to fuck the canary.

BONUS: Paul Thomas is a piano player at the bar singing “The Greatest Love of All” (later made famous by Whitney Houston) at about 73 minutes in.

We also spoke of John Leslie’s overall awesomeness and his ability to pop without even touching himself — he can fuck a girl, pull his cock out of her and just cum on her box unassisted. Really impressive; especially considering we’re impressed in these modern times if the girl can jack the guy off to pop.

Imperator really summed up Leslie’s appeal in his 1995-6 review of Talk Dirty to Me:

In my book, a great male lead must havecharm. There is nothing more annoying than seeing all those pretty ladies of porn pretending to swoon before Wayne Summers’, Tony Montana’s or -of course- Ron Jeremy’s “glory”. A -female- friend, annoyed at the large percentage of unappealing males in the biz, has hypothesized that this is being done on purpose, so that the viewer does not feel antagonized by an overly handsome actor. I don’t know whether this is true; personally, I resent the “long-haired rocker dude” type and the “sweaty, creepy Ron-like” one equally. Give me John Leslie or R.Bolla any day; these guys havepersonality.

Last thing that TDTM2 had — a theme song!

Until next week, where we’ll talk some more about Little Oral Annie.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Taboo II and the Golden Age of Porn

Had a great time tonight (2011 Aug 25) on Playboy Radio‘s Night Calls talking with Nicki Hunter and Debi Diamond about Kirdy Stevens‘ 1982 classic, Taboo II.

The movie stars Kevin James and Dorothy LeMay (even though they inexplicably put Tammy/Bambi on the box cover, LeMay is so much hotter.  Memo to self, find better headshot for Dorothy…) as brother and sister who after some trepidation live out that old adage “if you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.”

The story (story!!) picks up a little bit after Taboo, where we follow Mike Ranger’s girlfriend (Dorothy LeMay) as she and her brother, Junior (Kevin James), run into Mike’s mother (Kay Parker) at her stationary stop.  Running into her son’s ex-girlfriend sends her to her friend Aunt Peg, who gives her a massage.  Junior, knowing a fine piece of tail when he sees one, follows her over and ends up banging Kay and Aunt Peg right there on the massage table.  During the romp, it comes out that Kay slept with her son, and this gets Junior to reconsider what a hottie he has in his sister, and he sets out to tap it.

There is lots of tease and build up in Junior’s seduction of his sister and it climaxes with his girl friend (Tammy) eating his sister out on the family room couch when Junior just slides himself in there and takes over.  From there, the taboo has been broken, and we find everyone in the family torn apart by the action.

We also follow the action of Junior’s parents played by Eric Edwards and Honey Wilder.  They’re in a largely sexless marriage, so it’s only a matter of time before Dad boffs Daughter and Mom rides Junior.

And this being the end of the swinging 70s, the movie could not be considered complete without a giant suburban orgy where we have most of the cast list (including a young up and cummer named Ron Jeremy!)

Perhaps the most striking thing about the movie is the notion of consequences.  No one is living happily ever after in either of these movies, which is quite a difference from the normal “fuck and live to fuck some more” vibe that is in most porno.

We also spoke of The Golden Age.  Back in the late 90s, we covered it like this in the Adult Movie FAQ:

The following comes from Peter van Aarle’s excellent web page (mirrored at http://www.rame.net/aarle/golden_age.html) regarding the “Golden Age” of porn films.

Ah, the good old days, when the words “shot on video” were unheard of, and they actually had budgets to shoot an adult movie <sigh>

When the plot of a porno movie wasn’t limited to “Gee, I don’t seem to have the money to pay for the pizza! Now what do we do?” and the talent actually were sent the script in advance to learn their lines.

Heck they even were known to have occasional rehearsals :-)

Oh well, no use crying over things that once were. With the present glut of cheap product (over 2500 pornos were released in the US in 1994!) a good movie is difficult to make. That is to say, you can still make a good movie if you invest time and money in it, but a 4 times higher budget is unfortunately no guarantee for a 4 times higher return.

In fact, the only people who can change things are we the consumers. If we make sure that cheap one-day-wonders don’t make their producers much money then (and only then) is the general quality likely to improve. After all, why should Joe Producer invest a lot of time and effort in making a good product when producing crap lets him rake in the bucks anyway…

So we have the choice: either scour the shelves for hours to try and find the few pearls among today’s dreck or go back to those classics of yesteryear. If you want to try your luck with todays product (which isn’t all bad, really), I would suggest reading some of the reviews posted to the alt.sex.movies newsgroup to help distinguish between the good and the bad. Many of these reviews are archived at several sites.

“Ok”, you say “but what if I want some of those classics? How do I know what to look for?”
Well fear no more, here for your browsing pleasure is a list of many of the best porno movies ever made. Many of them are from the so-called Golden Age which is generally considered to have been from about 1977 to 1982.

Which isn’t to say that there have not been some good movies made before or since that time, nor that there weren’t some awful ones produced during the period, it’s just that so many of the classics were made during that period…

So look at these lists of the true Classics, some very good movies, and some movies which may not stand up to our high standards today but which are nonetheless historically significant.

Revered and greatly missed adult reviewer Imperator had this to say about the epochs of porn:

A note on the Ages according to Me. Note that like all historical divisions these are approximate :-). –

  • The Golden Age is 1976-1984. I have slightly extended it from the traditional 1977-1982 to include “Misty B.” and the many excellent movies of 1984. The Golden Age ends with the retirement of Annie and the rise of Ginger (not that it was Ginger’s fault of course :-)). The fringe period is great fun, since it includes the first Angel & Ginger flicks and Bridgette Monet.
  • The Silver Age (my real sentimental favourite) should strictly be 1984-1986, i.e. up to the retirement of Ginger and Traci, but 1987-1989 had many nice movies with essentially the same stars as 1984-1986, so I’ll include 1988.
  • The period 1988-1995 can be divided and named in many ways. A friend calls it the Cheapskate Age or the Crap Age, but it is innaccurate since it ignores Leslie & Stagliano.
  • The term “Silicone Age” only applies to post 1992 IMHO.
  • The term Neon or Pretentious Age for 1989-1992 does include most of Blake, but it really disregards the rest of the crap… I mean the material :-).  So, my opinion is that the traditional apellation of “Iron Age” is the best and safest.
It looks like the Playboy Radio segment is going to be a standing gig on Thursday nights around 8:30 Eastern / 5:30 Pacific. See you next week.