Yahoo takes over the world

So the big tech news this week is that Yahoo acquired Tumblr for a whopping $1.1 billion dollars. That’s Billion by the way, not million. I myself have a tumblr where I post zanier moments that would be censored by my Flickr, which coincidentally is also owned by Yahoo. There are rumours that Tumblr would eventually be censored similar to Flickr, requiring a login to see NSFW stuff, but so far Yahoo has issued denials.

Speaking of Flickr, Yahoo also gave it a makeover the same day it acquired Tumblr. They gave every user 1 terabyte of storage space and redid the interface so that it emphasises the photos more with the side effect of eating more bandwidth. If you want to see an example, you can view my AVN Expo and Awards photos that I posted without a writeup in January.*

Remy Lecroix picking Lexi Belle's nose

Now does the new terabyte mean I will post more photos of the girls from the archives since space is no longer a concern? No, of course not. Space was never really an issue. Rather it was time and the new bandwidth leech interface eats up more time while I try to tag the photos with the names of the performers. No bueno. Oh well, I wanted to vent and highlight photos 4 months late.

Elexis Monroe dancing with Samantha Ryan

*Life had gotten messy for me that month and writing about porn did not seem important in the big scheme of things. I should apologise because these glitches will surely happen again.

Today on Radio Sex: Blonde Brigade (2000)

blondebrigade2000In honor of today’s guest, Jill Kelly, I’ll be on Radio Sex’s YouPorn (Sirius XM 103, 2:40ish Eastern), talking to Christy and Ginger about Jim Holliday‘s movie Blonde Brigade, the fifth installment in the informally known “Jim and Jill” series.

The Jim and Jill movies were vignette style films directed by Holliday, whose scenes were introduced by Jill  and Jim who shared an easy going banter and very likable presence.  The irony of this title is so many of the women featured in it are not actually blonde, but brunette… no matter, tho; it’s a pretty good collection of scenes no matter the hair color.

Holliday, until his passing in 2004,  was one of the leading historians of adult and his out-of-print 1986 book, Only the Best inspired a compilation series of the same name.  As Dirty Movie Devotee wrote over at Videotramp:

“Holliday would do several more compilations under the ONLY THE BEST and LEGENDS OF PORN banners for Cal Vista, then got miffed when they used the now copyrighted titles for further tapes for which they did not seek his involvement. He took his act to rival company VCA who enabled him to assemble the ONLY THE VERY BEST (what a difference one word makes !) signature series with extra scenes he got to shoot with contemporary starlets added for bonus enticement. Industry giant VCA, run by the venerable Russ Hampshire, was also the place where Holliday’s directorial talents were nurtured into full bloom. The rest, as they say, is history and now sadly so is he, though he would be the first to appreciate the irony regarding his humble beginnings chronicling the evolution of erotica.”

The movie features music by Reno and the Rumrunners and they score the movie with fun surf music.

They open the movie in front of a green-screened beach with targets on their chests and introduce themselves in a self-deprecating manner, (“I’m Jim Holliday, and I reckon you know who you are…“) with Jill introducing herself as “the vain, narcissistic, egotiscal Jill Kelly.”  They state that the show is about feedback, from fans and critics alike.  They get right into and introduce us to Tracy Love and Julian who are offering up some “hot buttfucking action.”

And we’re right into a closeup of Tracy inhaling Julian’s member and then riding him cowgirl.  He’s wearing a condom and he’s without his tribal sleeve and sporting a goatee.  After the cowgirl they move to mish anal which also shows off her clit ring.  He’s not stroking particularly deep, and she’s got her hand on his cock and he’s sliding it in.  They move to doggie mish and he jerks off all over her face and chest.

Their next intro has the upcoming scene keyed in behind them as Jim waxes eloquent about where the industry is going, and he figured toes and assholes were the next big thing, so in an effort to give the fans what they want, they introduce Bobbi Bliss and Daisy Chain (a blonde in a brunette wig) who then do their own introduction since “J and J aren’t that into it, but we are…”   Daisy shows off Bobbi’s foot and begins to worship it.  After a spell, Bobbi returns the favor and up until this point, there hasn’t been a lot of “porn” just a lot of foot licking with Daisy rubbing herself a bit… and then, midway through the scene, they introduce special guest Felecia, and Daisy and Bobbi worship her feet.  Eventually they move on to a more classic g/g/g scene with a black rubber dong, but the feet are not ignored.  If you’re into feet, this is a homerun.  If you’re not, you might wonder what all the fuss is about… or maybe it converts you. :-)

“Time to hit the FF!” they say as the next intro starts and Jim talks about going on Jill’s “internet thing” and reading that someone thought he was “the bomb” which made him feel good.  They transition into a scene between Jill and her then beau, Julian.

Jill starts out on her back with Julian’s face buried in her quim, and she rather seems to like it.  They move to the blowjob and now Julian is on his back, and she’s slobbering (literally) all over his cock, and they move to sidesaddle fucking.  (Julian’s rascal is wrapped.) There are lots of full body shots, and olliday and his team know how to show off their performers.  Jill rolls over into a reverse cowgirl and Julian’s thrusting becomes more animated. She pivots into a regular cowgirl until Julian jumps out from under her so he can cum on her face.  Holliday makes sure that gravity is used to his advantage, and the guys are always above the girls when ejaculating. “Guess I’m not as vain as you thought!” she says with a mess on her face.

Next intro – “the thing I like about Jim Holliday’s movie is he gets girls who likes to fuck.” Jim adds, “Spend money on girls, not on fancy sets.” which sets up a large all-girl orgy.  Felecia and Tabitha Stevens (who is so young and cute and giggly here) are the “Girls Who Can’t Cook” and Tabitha surprises Felecia with a “Brown Eye Buffet” made up of April FlowersBobbi BlissDaisy ChainGinger PaigeJessica DrakeOlivia Parrish and Sydnee Steele.  The girls’ asses are all in the air and Felecia makes her way down the line. Some of the girls are clad in body stockings with various patterns.  None of the girls interact with each other, they’re just there to get their asses eaten a little bit.

Another intro, another reinforcement that Jim is “all about the fans.” Jim admits that it’s a goof having all the brunettes in a movie called “Blonde Brigade” and keeping with the low cost vibe, the next scene has Dillon Day walking into the Brown Eye Buffet and picking out Sydnee Steele and April Flowers.  April is on her back while Sydnee straddles April’s face and Sydnee’s face is buried in Dillon’s crotch.  Dillon adds a little digital stimulation to Sydnee’s girl parts. Sydnee and April move into a 69 and so April can blow Dillon, and Dillon manages to get most of Sydnee’s foot in his mouth. Cut to Dillon (condom) fucking April while Sydnee looks on. April is on top of Dillon while Sydnee straddles his face. It’s an interesting position as April gets to bend over and eat Sydnee’s ass.  Then it’s Sydnee’s turn doggie style the reverse cowgirl and then Dillon stands over the two girls’ faces and grunts out a load on their cheeks.

Intro:  Jim: “Jill – name two significant things that took place on April 12, 1961.  Del Shannon’s Runaway entered the charts, and Yuri Gagarin went into space. I wonder how many of those Soviets? Russians? are floating out in space…” Jill: “I know one — Major Tom!”

Evan Stone then wanders into the Brown Eye Buffet and takes Bobbi Bliss and (his then girlfriend) Jessica Drake into a bedroom set.  They’re upset he took them out of a “butt tasting experience” but he tells them his minor in college was butt-tasting, and he, er, cracks the books… the girls get him on the bed and put their feet all over him and he exclaims that he’s heard “of this place called ‘Footsuckers Heaven’ and that they give great blowjobs there.” So capital letter Jessica Drake (she wasn’t all e.e. cummings yet) starts on him, but it quickly outshone by Bobbi’s impressive, effortless DT skills as she swallows Evan to the root. Everyone gets fucked (with a condom) and everyone cums, with Evan cumming last on their faces. (Not the greatest pop he ever did.) But the biggest sin is he says “Kiss each other” and they turn to one another, tongues out, and they CUT AWAY!  GAAAH!

In this intro, Jim cops to pissing in the Pacific Ocean and Jill cops to watering Lake Havasu and we end up with Ginger Paige and Ian Daniels starting out with Ian worshiping her feet

They fuck missionary (condom) and she keeps her corset on the whole time… however, it like less of a porn fuck than just two people going at it.  She then rides him cowgirl, they go to doggie (sans corset) and he cums on her butt.

Last intro an “We make movies that a guy and girl can jerk off to…  If you want short, economical scenes that you can wait a whole week  one scene a night to get yourself off — here’s your place.” And they intro the last scene between (not yet enhanced) Allysin Chaynes and Jill Kelly. They use a lot of toys, including a thin dildo that slips on the end of Jill’s finger to slide in Allysin’s ass. There’s only a little bit of kissing.

End credits which include the title card:

As yet, Harry Houdini hasn’t made it back… neither has General Alfredo Stoessner… but rainwater lives on… think about it!

This is perfectly acceptable trifle of a movie.  Jim and Jill are perfectly affable and genial hosts.  If you’re a foot person, this movie is totally aimed your way.  If you’re not, you might be hitting the FF button here and there.

Best scenes are #s 3 (Jill/Julian), #5 (Sydnee/April/Dillon) and #6 (Bobbi/Jessica/Evan).  Honorable mention to Scene 7, Ginger and Ian.

XRCO Award Winners 2013

XRCOLogo136The XRCO Awards were held April 25, 2013 at Supperclub in Hollywood. The show was hosted by Misty Stone and Ed Powers, with an assist from Heart-On (trophy) girls Maddy O’Reilly and Lilly Evans.

Winners are at the top of the lists in bold.

Best 3D Release

Best Actor

Best Actress

Best Cumback

Best Director: Features

Best Director: Non-Features

Best Director: Parody

Best Epic

Best Gonzo Movie

Best Parody: Comedy

Best Parody: Comic Book

Best Parody: Drama

Best Release

Cream Dream of the Year

Female Performer of the Year

Hall of Fame

Mainstream Adult Media Favorite

Male Performer of the Year

MILF Performer of the Year

New Starlet of the Year

New Stud of the Year

Orgasmic Analist of the Year

Orgasmic Oralist of the Year

Superslut of the Year

Unsung Siren of the Year

Unsung Swordsman of the Year

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Black Throat (1985)

[UPDATE: 24 Apr 2013 – Going to talk about this movie with Christy and Ginger on Radio Sex’s YouPorn (SiriusXM 103) today around 2:40 Eastern. Article originally published on Jan 26, 2012]

We’re on Night Calls tonight, ONE HOUR EARLIER than usual because I am otherwise engaged at our normal time, so listen in at 6:40 pm Eastern / 3:40 pm Pacific.

We’ll be talking about the Dark Brothers’ 1985 movie, Black Throat.  There are two versions in the IAFD, one that lists Traci Lords and one that doesn’t.

The story, such as it is, concerns Roscoe (Tony Martino) and his rubber rat friend Mr. Bob (voiced by Johnny Jump-Up, aka Antonio Passolini) and their quest to find Madame Mambo’s House of Fella-tee-o, with the help of a pimp named Jamal (Jack Baker).

Here’s the first five minutes of the movie, which sets the tone and really underlines the low-rent nature and crazy style of the vid.

Two scenes in the movie are absolutely top notch — one stars Erica Boyer in a blistering B/B/G and the other is Christy Canyon and Peter North.  They’re worth the price of admission alone.  In a review I wrote back in the 90s, I said:

Erica Boyer is looking her punkish best. She’s well toned, bush is a little trimmed back, and she’s laying on a couch covered in black garbage bag plastic in a room that is walled in with the same plastic.

She masturbates slowly, playing with her pussy and asshole, working a finger or two into each now and then. Then Steve Powers shows up and she starts chomping his choad. He shoves her sunglasses into her snatch and starts pouting champange all over her.

Enter Marc Wallice who covers her in corn oil (I don’t think sunflower oil was all the rage until the later 80s/early 90s :-) )

She gets flipped onto her stomach and Marc then works some fingers into her ass, and follows that with his banana dick. He fucks her ass with reckless abandon. Then Steve Powers enters her pussy (as some creme oozes from her ass). She is toally slicked up from shoulders to toes. Marc spanks her. “My asshole wants you!” she screams to Marc who obliges for a DP. What makes this DP something to see is both guys are pretty active, and she rides it out like a true slut; unlike most DPs in recent memories where one guy sits still while the other guy does all the work.  Erica gets into this scene very much, screaming and yelling in rapturous delight, which we share in. Marc cums on her ass, and Steve cums on himself more or less.

If you don’t pop a chubby watching this scene, then check your pulse, you may be dead.

And then a sentence that really sums up the Dark Brothers’ aesthetic:

Mr. Bob talks to Erica’s asshole which quacks like a duck and they continue their quest for Madame Mambo.

About the Christy Canyon scene, I wrote:

In this scene, [Christy] dominates Peter North, who is chained to a table wearing a collar like they put on dogs to keep them from biting at their wounds. She is wearing studded gloves and a bustier number. Her eye makeup is 80s “punk” and she sucks cock like no one else.

She teases Peter, hitting him about the face and head with her tits (when they were quite a bit firmer, but just as ripe). “What, you afraid of big tits! Suck ’em! You’re such a baby!” she yells at Peter. “Probably reminds you of when you were a little boy — sucking on mommmy’s tits, before you went to your room…” She removes the collar and really starts to beat him up with those wonderful breasts.

She plays with her cat o’ nine tails rubbing them over her tits and her pussy. Then there is an abrupt cut (was something snipped here?) and she’s riding him reverse cowgirl; arguably looking better than she ever has before.  She engages in some dirty talk. She takes an active role and grunts and groans. They move into the patented Peter North Spoon, giving us a great view of Christy’s meaty lips wrapping around Peter’s peter.

They go around to a doggie position for a while, and then to a missionary where Peter launches a load that hits her in the forehead, then covers her tits and belly with his jizz. And then she goes in and orally cleans him up afterwards.

If you haven’t got a boner by this point, turn the movie off, there’s no hope.

Like all 80s Dark Brothers’ flicks, the theme song (also contributed by Johnny Jump-Up / Passolini) is top notch and one that I can still sing it today.  It name checks their recent movies before leading into its chorus: “Now you know New Wave Hookers, and Let Me Tell Ya Bout White Chicks, but now you’ll see some black chicks, sucking on some white dicks! BLACK THROAT!”

Fanny Award Winners Announced

fannyhosts_cropThe winners of The Fannys, the Exxxotica Fan Choice Awards, were announced on Saturday, April 20th as part of the Exxotica: Atlantic City show. The award ceremony was held in the Grand Ballroom of the Trump Taj Mahal, and it was hosted by Alexis Texas and comedians Don Jamieson and Jim Florentine.

Winners are listed in bold at the top of the lists.

Whole Lotta Love (BBW Performer of the Year)

Director of the Year

Non-White Chick of the Year (Ethnic Performer of the Year)

Most Valuable Vagina (Female Performer of the Year)

Cocksman of the Year (Male Performer of the Year)

Who’s Your Mommy? (MILF Performer of the Year)

Most Heroic Ass (Best Anal)

The Who? (Most Underrated Star)

Movie of the Year

New Girl on the Block (New Starlet of the Year)

Thirsty Girl (Best Oral)

T.S. I (Heart) You (Transsexual Performer of the Year)

Cyber Hustla (Webcam Girl of the Year)