Today on Spice Radio: Taxi Girls (1979)

Today is Legends Day on Spice Radio’s YouPorn and Serena will be on the show with Christy and Ginger, so I’ll be on the show beforehand (around 2:30 Easter, 11:30 Pacific) talking about Taxi GirlsJourdan Alexander’s 1979 light sex romp.

The plot is breezy enough – mostly – cops round up the city’s streetwalkers, so they decide to open a taxi service as a cover.  They run into a bunch of roadblocks along the way, along with a rape at the end that really monkeys with the film’s tone.

There a shitload of people in this movie and all pop in and out.  This is Nancy Suiter‘s movie from top to bottom (and what a bottom!) and she has a lot of really really short sex scenes (the 16 scenes we list are less “scenes” and more “pairings”; some of the scenes are 60 seconds long; some are part of a larger sequence.)

At the top of movie under the credits, we see the town’s hookers being carted off to jail.  Once we’re in the cell, we take care of Scenes 1-3 in our breakdown which takes about 15 minutes. We see our heroine, Toni (Nancy Suiter), intently studying a newspaper while her cellmates –Amika GiortanoNancy SuiterPat ManningHillary Summers and Nancy Hoffman – work on getting the guard Mitch Morrill into the cell so they can fuck him and use his keys to escape.

With the cell door open, Stacy Goldman goes to the sergent’s desk and fucks a reluctant George Mitchell (under the desk!!) who has to deal with a ringing phone and a complaining old lady. The old lady is a riot.  They move into the cel where it’s easier to fuck.

Hillary Summers and Nancy Hoffman keep to themselves and engage in some fisting which you won’t find in the modern releases of the movie.  (I had to go back to the dubbed, Dutch subtitled VHS copy Peter sent me to see what was cut.)  They girls do some obscured 69 before Nancy Hoffman slips her hand into Hillary Summers.

Pat Manning does most of the heavy lifting with Mitch Morrill, tho she does allow Amika Giortano to get some licks in.  Nancy Suiter‘s involvement is limited to Mitch eating her out while she continues to study the newspaper.  Mitch eventually cums on Pat’s face, all while keeping a finger in Suiter’s twat.

A bunch of girls walk out of the cell (far more than had the sex) leaving the two cops and Nancy Suiter who is exclaiming “I got it!” as she’s reading the paper.  She discovered the ad for “Drivers TAXI MEN/WOMEN” and has found her calling.

We see Toni driving the cab and a fare asks her “What’s a nice girl like you doing driving a cab?” and she says with a leer “I do other things, too!) and we cut to him holding out a $100 bill and he undresses while making small talk about her stand-up comedy aspirations… “But just want people to like me for my head” and he says “I want to like you for your head too!” and she drops to her knees and takes him into her mouth… AND THEN WE’RE DONE!  (WHAT?!? There should be much more of a blowjob scene here, but alas, there is not… )

Back in the cab, two guys (Unknown Male 5505-D and Unknown Male 5505-E) are in the backseat discussing stocks and another (Unknown Male 5505-F) is in the front getting his limp cock jerked three or four times as they’re driving.

We cut to another passenger, Alan B. Colberg, who works a dildo into Toni’s twat as she’s driving. The overdubbed audio here is horrendous.  Most of the overdubbed levels are awful on the VCX VOD version I was reviewing at HotMovies; the Arrow levels are correct… so if you have pick one to watch, go with the Arrow version.

These scenes – 4-6 in our breakdown – take 90 seconds for the lot.

Toni sees some of the girls on the street and shows them the wad of cash she’s made in the afternoon.  Toni says she’s going to get some cabs, and the girls (Aubrey Nichols, Amika GiortanoSerena andStacy Goldman ) go over to see Teddy (Mike Ranger) , the taxi owner, to convince him to give all the girls jobs… and by convince, I mean have sex with.  We start with Toni blowing him and then Aubrey gives a little 69 action before Toni mounts him.  Aubrey stays on his face as Toni makes out with her and sucks her tits.  Serena plays with his balls and jerks him off (with a little lick at the end) to finish him off.  Amika and Stacy are there naked, but don’t really participate

Toni asks for 10 cabs, but Teddy says no deal, and they vow to run him out of business.

Toni and some more girls head to the bank to get a loan.  Candida Royalle asks the loan officer (Unknown Male 5505-G)  if they have a “lawaway loan — you know, lay now, pay later?” Some cute stilted, double-entendre dialogue (and a quick no-finish blowjob from Stacy Goldman) later and they adjourn to see his boss, John Seeman.

The usual four sex girls (Aubrey NicholsAmika GiortanoNancy Suiter and Stacy Goldman) take on John Seeman (wearing thick glasses and a silly chin beard.) Amika starts things off with a blowjob, then they lay him on the floor, but all he can think of is collateral. Aubrey rides him as Toni makes out with him. Aubrey jumps off and jerks him off to pop and Amika comes in and helps her clean him up.  Poor Stacy is left out like the runt unable to get to mama’s teat.  He signs off on the loan amid promises of being driven around anywhere.

The girls show up on a car lot and find a car to get the company started.  The car salesman, R.J. Reynolds, doesn’t really want to move on price, but the girls say “If you go down, so will we!” and the pack of girls leads him into the office, but our Gang of Four (Aubrey NicholsAmika GiortanoNancy Suiter and Stacy Goldman) tend to his needs.  First up, Aubrey blows him, taking him effortlessly to the root, and the other girls are on the couch and ask if he’s like to see a blond, brunette or a redhead, and he says he’d like to see them all — so Nancy and Stacy attack Amika; Nancy handling above the waist and Stacy tending to downstairs. R.J. really plays up the sex talk and eventually makes his way over to the couch (much to Aubrey’s dismay, she has a priceless “what I’d do wrong?” look on her face) where the throws a few humps into Amika before pulling out and blowing his load on her bush.

The girls chisel R.J. down to $2200, but in the next shot, we see a fleet of Red Ford Fairmonts pull up next to a cab line and steal a whole bunch of customers.

Next, we meet Harold his wife, and she’s fighting with her dog and he offers to take the dog for a walk.  He ties the dog to a fire hydrant as Toni’s cab pulls up, he jumps in asking to go “where my wife won’t see us” and off they go.

We see another guy riding in the cab and he flips on Little Orphan Dusty (also directed by Jourdan Alexander) where he briefly watches Rhonda Jo Petty blow Turk Lyon (RIP) before asking Toni for “the real thing” , but she demurs saying she has to be on stage in a half hour and he should catch one of her other girls.

We then cut to the comedy club where we see one of the comics finishing up, the emcee comes out and introduces Toni.  She opens with “Any of you recognize me?” and then launches into her routine.

Afterwards, we get some odd flashback scene of someone leaving Toni with an echoy voiceover and then a scene between her and John Holmes.  This is probably the most “conventional” scene in the movie as it takes place on a bed between only two people. He starts by going own on her and she grinds her hips into him as she cums, the he slides into missionary for awhile befre flippeing her over doggie style where we really get to see That Which Made Him Famous.  He finishes by climbing on her and sliding his dick into her mouth and then jerking off onto her tits.

Cut to Tommy’s taxi stand and there’s a revolt among his drivers. Seems the girls are taking their business and he has to lay them all off.  This pisses the drivers off and they vow to exact revenge.

Meanwhile, the girls are still doing their thing, driving around a corporate bigwig while he’s being blown by two girls in the backseat.  It’s a pretty good BJ scene.

Next cab fare has a guy complaining about the sex doll he has to fuck — he only has 20 bucks after all… so he fucks the sex doll.  More funny than hot.

Back at the comedy club, John Holmes is waiting for Toni, and we get a glimpse of Svetlana doing part of her set on stage.

At the end of a dark street, Bud Wise and Jamie Gillis kidnap Serena and take her to a warehouse to rape her so hard, her ass “will be too red to sit down in a cab.”  Gillis fucks her from behind as Bud Wise shoves his cock down her throat.  There’s a lot of yelling, and more guys show up and eventually they drag Toni in with them.

Holmes takes a competing cab ride home  and gets wind of something going from the other driver.  Once home, Holmes calls into the girls’ dispatch and has everyone meet him up at the address he heard in Tommy’s guy’s cab.

“It’s not so bad is it?” Jamie purrs in Toni’s ear.  She also manages to capture the dead eye look as he’s fucking her.  Way Creepy.

Finally, the guys cum on Serena and Toni’s faces, as the other girls come in carrying crowbars and billy clubs , and they attack the male cabbies, beating them senseless and rescuing their own.  Toni has her wits about her, but Serena is all fuck-drunk, looking like she’s been through a war.

Toni’s apparently got herself arrested and she’s getting dressed for court.  She promises Holmes that she’s done.

She gets to court, and the judge is Harold! The guy with the dog!  The defendant pleads guilty, but the judge insists on seeing her in his chamber, where he quickly disrobes and has her “serve her sentence” (I mean blow him.)

Like most blowjobs in this movie, this one lasts 20 seconds and – unlike the other  BJs – is interrupted by the “THE END” title card.

[UPDATE: Well, that was … something.  I was dropped into the middle of an Abbott and Costello routine with a heaping dose of Marx Brothers. Lots of confused wordplay, gender mix-ups, and hysterical misreading of the review.]


Today on Spice Radio: Ten Little Maidens (1985)

Whatever Ginger wants, Ginger gets…

At Ginger’s request, today on Spice Radio XM103’s YouPorn, we’ll be talking about Ten Little Maidens, a semi-hard to find John Seeman film from 1985.  The film is loosely based on Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None (later remade as Ten Little Indians) where a group of people are sent to Indian Island and accused of murders.

Our movie starts on a more light-hearted note, with Kitten Natividad as a mail carrier going on her appointed rounds.  She stops at Harry Reems‘ house and she can’t but notice that he’s eating Ginger Lynn out on the couch.  Kitten can’t help but try to hit them with their mail as she peeps through the mail slot.  (Who could resist?)

Harry is eating Ginger out as he gets hit with the mail, then moves to a quick bout of fucking before Ginger returns the oral favor.  Lots of smiles from both parties throughout the blowjob.  Ginger is in her prime and Harry can’t shut up during the scene — “Look at that little mouth!” — but she gets him hard again before she lowers herself down on his cock for some cowgirl.  She gyrates her hips around before going face down on the couch so Harry can take her side-saddle doggie style.  There are some odd cuts of Kitten’s eyes peeping in intercut throughout. Ginger lets out these great little squeals as she’s getting fucked and finally Harry pulls out and jerks off all over back, hitting her hair.

They have a little snuggle afterwards and then Harry starts going through the mail — all bills — until he reads a letter offering an all-expenses paid trip to a “little ole island paradise” “You are herewith cordially invited to an all-expense paid erotic orgy to be held on Bacchanale Island on the weekend of May the seventh …  In anticipation of your acceptance, I have enclosed airline tickets for both of you and a friend of your choice.  Upon your arrival, a boat will be awaiting  you at Marina del Sol for your passage to my island of sensual pleasures.  I, my wife and my staff look forward to your joining on this most auspicious occasion.”

And they’re off!

There’s a sailing montage as they get to out the island of Harry and Ginger snuggling on the boat as a female vocalist sings on the soundtrack.  Harry and Ginger ooze an easy chemistry, with a lot of smiles and good vibes.  Eventually the snuggling and good times heats up as Ginger pulls out his cock and starts giving it a sucking as the captain tries not to look too interested in the proceedings…  there’s a lot of good eye contact in the blowjob, but it comes to an abrupt end as they approach the island.  Renfro (Jamie Gillis) approaches in a Zodiac, boards the yacht and welcomes them by name to the island.  Harry is somewhat taken aback as he didn’t pass along Ginger’s name, but Jamie explains the master of the house likes to know who his guests are.  Jamie grudgingly carries the bags up a steep hill, and when they arrive at the house, they are introduced to  the maid, Tabitha (Nina Hartley), who shows them to their room.

Harry asks Nina about the other guests, but she doesn’t know about any other guests.  This strikes Harry as odd.  They find some other folks lounging and swimming by the pool, but ominous chords on the soundtrack and a mysterious person pulling down a window shade let us know something might not quite be right.  Ginger excuses herself to take a shower as Harry goes out to get the lay of the land.

More peeping as we see Ginger, naked in the bathroom, through a peephole.  She lathers herself up in the shower when Janey Robbins comes in and grabs her ass.  She thinks it’s Harry and gasps when she turns around to see that it’s not.  She puts up no fight when Janey climbs in the shower with her, and soon the two are really getting to know one another.  This is a quick scene with no real payoff.

Cut to the kitchen where Nina is putting some chickens into the oven while Jamie tries to eat her ass.  To give him something to do, she gives him one of the chickens, and Jamie fucks it while staring at Nina’s ass.  Nina keeps swatting him away, and he finally cums on the chicken, much to Nina’s amusement as she puts it back in the oven.

Ginger is getting dressed for dinner in a costume provided for her, and shows Harry this dildo that she slides up inside her and pulls her panties up over.

As everyone sits around the table in strange costumes that reveal quite a bit of themselves, a mysterious hand presses PLAY on a cassette deck and we hear the voice of their host, Mr. U.N. Seen apologize for not making the erotic gathering after all, but, rest assured, that they will feel his presence as festivities progress, and in his absence Tabitha and Renfro will be able to sate their every thirst.

There are ten statues of naked women around the room, “you know, the Ten Little Maidens, from the erotic nursery rhyme!” says Amber Lynn to Eric Edwards as she is grazing the inside of his thigh.

Ginger asks Jamie for some salad dressing and he offers creamy Italian, which of course, he takes to the kitchen and jerks off on the salad.  Everyone around the table starts to get turned on by the food, and it turns into a giant food orgy.  The couples seem to be Harry and Ginger, Paul Thomas and Amber LynnRichard Pacheco and Janey Robbins, and Eric Edwards and Lisa De Leeuw.

Harry starts giving Janey the eye, and PT and Amber start eating in a viciously seductive way, taking bites of their chicken, and then the orgy begins.

Ginger starts sucking Pacheco while Eric and Lisa are going crazy over a corncob.  PT starts in on Amber’s tits, pouring wine all over them.  Janet shoves Pacheco’s cock into a peach and then gives him head while Amber fellates a cucumber.  Ginger is trying to suck Harry to hardness, while Lisa does the same to Eric.  Jamie and Nina come in and join the fun.  Jamie starts sicking a pig’s snout as Nina dives into Lisa’s bush.  Jamie goes back and forth licking the pig, then licking Amber’s ass.

Nina is eating Ginger while Pacheco fucks Janey while she blows Harry.  Ginger is also masturbating with a corncob.  Harry, on the table,  leaves Janey and turns his attention to Amber who is sucking him while PT fucks her.  Jamie takes amber off the table, lays the sucking pig on her back and starts fucking her and shoving grapes into her mouth as everyone else cums on their partners.  Jamie then eats Amber and licks the pig, finally cumming on the pig’s snout and Amber’s twat.  Harry them cums on Amber’s tits.

After dinner, Eric toasts his host and hostess in their absence, and the mysterious hand press play on a tape from an envelope marked “After Dinner”

On the tape, Mr. Seen announces that no one will leave the island alive, as they’ve all led evil, erotically charged lives, and it is time for them to pay for their crimes.  Right after the tape is over, Pacheco collapses, and PT determines that Pacheco was poisoned by arsenic.  Janey is nonplussed and heads off to bed and Eric follows her up.  Harry and Ginger follow suit, leaving PT kneeling over the body.

Up in their room, Janey has Eric tied spread-eagle onto a bench made specially for that task and is blowing him.  She swallows him down to the root a few times, then climbs on reverse cowgirl, her nipple piercings swaying with each bounce.  Eyes appear behind a painting, and there’s a knock at the door.  She dismounts and lets Amber in as the eyes continue to watch through the painting.  Eric makes his dick stand up when Amber comes in, which makes her happy, since it’s polite to stand when a lady enters the room.

Amber sits herself down and Janey grabs a banana and inserts it into Amber, who then takes over and uses it as a dildo as Janey covers Eric’s cock with whipped cream, and then sprinkles some nuts on it, which seems redundant.  Janey then instructs her to stand over Eric so he can eat the banana while Amber eats his banana.  (Symmetry!)  Eric is mostly soft through this scene, but Amber does her best to cover up that fact.  Janey then covers Amber’s buttcheeks with whipped cream and she goes to town cleaning it off, while Eric focuses on Amber’s snatch.  Janey makes Amber sit up, freeing up Eric’s dick so Janey can ride it, while putting whipped cream on Amber’s tits which she licks off.  Finally, we cut to a dick cumming, but it is very difficult to put the dick in context.  It looks like it is in a bunch of whipped cream, but it’s abstract at best.

The next morning, Nina is sweeping the pool deck when she discovers Jamie’s dead body with a rubber duck stuck on his cock.  Harry deduces he died of strangulation based on how tightly the duck is on his cock.  He and Ginger make their way to the dining room where the find a broken statue.  PT hatches a plan to find their assailant.

We next see Eric pulling Amber’s body out of the pool.  “Oh no!  Not Candy!  What a waste!” (He grabs a skimmer) “Come here little fishy!”

PT and Nina finish searching the house, and PT does his best Cary Grant into a mirror prompting Nina to exclaim “What a great Peter Lorre!”

Her grieving is over as she determines the best course of action is a siesta seducing PT.  Nina’s marvelous ass is on nicely on display here as she blows PT; but we see someone looking at them thru a one-way mirror.  The cocksucking is brief, but only so she can dance and show off her ass more and its wonderful tan line. She rides PT briefly on the canopy bed before he takes her doggie style. They have a brief but vigorous shag, and he throws her off the bed as he jerks off.  He collapes on the bed after he cums, and the canopy falls on him and kills him.

Cut to Nina cleaning up the remnants of another broken maiden.

Nina is scared to be alone, so she and Janey go up to her room and have a go at things. Janey ties a bandana around Nina’s next and puts a cowboy hat on her and has her enter a cage and ride a white fur spring mounted saddle with a dildo attached.  Janey wraps her breasts around a pole and plays with her nipples so the rings clink together; and then we see someone else peeking in through a hole in the wall.

Cut to Harry and Ginger releasing some tension in the sauna.  Lots of kissing here as Harry massages her breasts.  I don’t know if Ginger ever looked better.  Harry slides a finger down to her clit and makes nice while making out with her.  He works his mouth down there as she lays back and enjoys it.

Back to Janey and Nina, and Janey now has a snake wrapped around her, as she makes Nina ride harder and harder so she can cum.  As Nina’s riding, she begins to notice the snake wrapping itself tighter around Janey…

Back in the sauna, Ginger is blowing Harry, and in the bedroom, Nina and Janey have moved onto the bed, and the snake is nowhere to be found., but they do find a double dildo-vibrator which they use… until it electrocutes them.  (D’oh!)

In the sauna, Harry has Ginger in a standing 69 that doesn’t last nearly long enough, as a hand sneakily turns the thermostat up, causing steam to rise as they’re going at it doggie style.  Steam obscures the frame, and we hear a cat meow… since we hear the cat meow after every death so far, we have to assume that our leads are dead…

Lisa bursts into the bedroom where Eric waits out an electrical storm handling a gun.  When there’s nothing to do but wait, the only thing to do is fellate, and Lisa goes to town on Eric’s cock.  No wood problems here.  She takes him off the bed, opens her robe, and lies back on a chair.  He massages her great tits for a bit before moving downtown.  He gets a weird taste, as he remembers a story PT told about how the French women in WWII would put arsenic on their genitals killing the man who eats them out.

Lisa knocks over a maiden and has a glass of wine when Harry and Ginger burst in, much to Lisa’s dismay.  She blathers for a moment about how they’re all immoral and deserve to die before she drinks some poisoned wine and offs herself.

Harry and Ginger jump in the Zodiac and head back out to the yacht which takes them back to the mainland.

The End.

To be honest, I was hoping for a bit more from the movie.  All the sex scenes seemed too short and not particularly paced well.  There were moments in all of the sex scenes which were good, but they never really lasted.  Thus the problem shoehorning 10 scenes and plot into an 84 minute film (more like 80 when you take out the credits.)

This could be considered a parody, tho I think it more of an homage.  It sticks pretty close to the story laid out in And Then There Were None, tho with sex and a bit more humor.

We were a little rushed this week, since it was my first time on with Christy, so next week, we’ll be on at 11:30 AM Pacific / 2:30 PM  Eastern for a half hour chatting about  Christy and my favorite movie of hers, Comeback.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: 800 Fantasy Lane (1979)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (7:40 Eastern, 4:40 Pacific), we’re talking about the 1979 movie, 800 Fantasy Lane, the first film from director Svetlana.

The movie feels like a bunch of different mainstream 80s “teenage tit movies” where a couple of normal guys pull off some sort of scam in order to see naked girls… and in this case, fuck them.

In our case, our heroes, Jamie Gillis and Bud Wise, are gas station attendants who read in the paper that there’s a real estate agency in Los Angeles who is hiring actresses as brokers and they are will to do anything — ANYTHING! — to close the deal.  So Jamie calls the number, posing as an oil magnate from Ohio (where all the American oil reserves are, of course!) who wants to buy a house.  They fly Bud and him out to the coast and take them around to see some properties.

But first, they go to the lodge where prospective clients are staying, and here, Jamie and Bud stumble upon two of the agents getting it on…

Scene 1 between Serena and Desiree Cousteau was notable for having some fisting in it — Desiree fists Serena — but that’s been cut in modern versions of the movie.. however, the g/g scene that remains is still pretty good, and is often interrupted by cutaways to Jamie and Bud over-reacting and mugging at their good fortune.

Lisa De Leeuw is a real estate agent who wants to ger her hooks into the new meat, so she sidles up to Jamie and blows him.  Scene 2 ends in a pretty modern way with Jamie cumming all over Lisa’s tits and chin and then scooping up all the semen he can and feeding it to her.

Not to be outdone,  Nancy Suiter and Aubrey Nichols take Jamie and Bud out to look at some properties.  However, Jamie has an idea and throws Bud out of the car, so he can have the two gals to himself.

So begins Scene 3, where Jamie is blown by Nancy and Aubrey.  The scene is marred a bit by constant cutaways to Jamie’s “I’m getting blown!” face, even tho I think most of us would rather see the girls actually blow him.  He’s finally interrupted as Bud who finally makes it to the house with information designed solely to cockblock Jamie’s tryst with Nancy and Aubrey.  Selling the oil magnate story a little heavily and mentioning something about the SEC, Bud pulls Jamie aside and then locks him in a room, allowing him to come back to finish the scene with the two lovelies, eventually cumming on Nancy’s tits and then fucking Aubrey while Nancy sits on his face and the two girls make out.

Then it starts to get weird… what was a nice little sex comedy takes a turn for the darker in Scene 4 when Jamie goes downstairs in the lodge to find a full S&M dungeon, with Serena and Hillary Summers tied together by the ankles in matching  in love swings while Chris Anderson acts as the dominatrix.  There’s quite a bit of screaming and the sound of a lot of slapping, tho we don’t really see the source of the slaps.   This scene’s more S&M-y elements are  another casualty of the editor’s delete key for the DVD release.

Jamie jumps into the action, eating Serena out and then holding a lighter to it… there’s a level of trust here that can only come from performers who are totally in tune with one another, and Jamie and Serena certainly were.  After making out with Serena a bit, Jamie throws himself between the two girls and alternates eating them out.  After a while Chris straps on a dildo and animalistically fucks Serena while she shrieks in what doesn’t really pass as ecstasy.  Jamie then whips his out, flips Hillary over in the swing and then   fucks her silly, eventually cumming on her and dumping her on the floor.  Then he turns his attention to Serena and fucks her, using the strap around her throat (or was it her throat?) as leverage.  None of this reads as particularly fun, but it is certainly a textbook example of domination and submission.

After his time with the swings, he finds his way over to Desiree Cousteau who is just lying down.  He eats and then fucks her while Chris fondles Desiree’s breasts.  He steps aside to let Chris take a turn with her strap on while Desiree blows him.  Finally, he goes back over to a still-crumpled-on-the-floor Hillary and cums on her from above, concluding her degradation.  (There is an odd cut here, so I suspect some other material hit the recycle bin as this was being re-mastered for DVD.  I have a VHS of this around somewhere, I think… but no time to do a proper comparison…)

Wow.  Heavy stuff.  Not for everyone, I suspect.

Bud comes back with the girls from the house showing just as Jamie emerges from the cellar.  They head out to the pool where Bud starts making out with Lisa’s tits and Jamie overhears a discussion between Allen Colberg and Chris Anderson where he says he wants to give her 500K of “undeclared income” for a deposit on the same house that Jamie and Bud are looking at.  He doesn’t want to lose the house to them, especially since no one really knows what oil interests they have. All the while, he’s got his tits in her hand as she’s bouncing up and down on his clothed lap.  Did I mention they’re both wearing Mickey Mouse ears and he’s whooping “Ride ’em Cowboy!” and like someone riding cowboy?  That little bit of non-sex hanky panky was Scene 5.

The next afternoon, a Friday, the boys are at the real estate office about to sign on the line that is dotted when Bud starts to panic, telling Jamie that they’re sure to be found out after the agents run a credit check.  Jamie says thru gritted teeth “Listen asshole, I know what I’m doing.  It’s 5:00 on the east coast, and they won’t find out anything until Monday.”  He then hands Chris the signed paper work and slips her the tongue before he leaves… Allen calls in and offers to make some calls about Jamie and Bud since they put in an offer and he has to get on his way on Saturday, so he’d like to know if the lost the house or not.

Bud goes to play tennis with Lisa DeLeeuw and two other girls (Debi Gunter and Wendy O. Williams (of the Plasmatics, with long flowing brown hair and zero tennis skills)  which gives us a lot of opportunities to see bouncing breasts in slow motion.  Lisa and Debi have particularly great racks.  Wendy shows her bush, and all three girls moon Bud.  At the end of the match Lisa lactates on Bud (in what I assume is a special effect, as we don’t see the nipple).

Jamie, meanwhile, is enjoying himself in a hot tub with just about everyone else in the movie.  (Scene 7) Meanwhile, Bud bangs Desiree and Scene 8 ends with Desiree blowing Bud until he shoots a sizable load all over her face.

Then the movie takes another stylistic left turn as everyone plays pool ad smokes pot, but Jamie starts hallucinating… for this, I’ll quote three reviews:

Roger Pipe of says:

Here is where a straight forward script takes a turn that makes no fucking sense. Everyone is playing pool and smoking a little pot. The guys end up having these fucked up hallucinations that include an eight foot penis raining milk down on naked chicks and Gillis playing lion tamer in a sexual circus. He is in a cage with Serena, Lisa and Aubrey Nichols who all have on body make up to represent a pony, leopard and tiger respectively. Interesting role play I suppose and some decent sex, but the out of left field motivation for this scene (Like the dungeon bang) just makes no sense. Lisa looks good, but Aubrey manages to steal most of the sexual thunder in this odd, final scene.

Astronight over at Adult DVD Talk says:

The group frees the weed while playing pool during the next scene. This scene may not be one of the sexiest in the movie, but it’s definitely one of the most memorable and needs to be seen. This sequence alone is worth the rental price of the DVD. The camera work really helps out this scene. It has kind of a dizzy feel that adds to the dreamlike nature of much of the scene. Jamie has a dream in the scene where he’s in a cage as a lion tamer complete with whip with Serena, Lisa DeLeeuw, and another girl done up as a lion, cheetah, and a horse. Jamie makes his way through each of the women, taming them as he goes. It’s very sexy and shows a creativity that’s rarely seen in today’s porn.

Mongo over at RAME says:

Chris Anderson, Aubrey Nichols, Serena and Bud Wise: After smoking some weed, Jamie and Bud hallucinate. This must be really special stuff, as the boys have some pretty vivid visions. Bud imagines himself with a crude six foot long papier-mâché dick, ejaculating a fountain of skim milk while Chris, Aubrey and Serena dance around his maypole, bathing in his manly flow. A non-sex scene, but still hot, in a strange kind of way.

Jamie imagines himself an animal tamer in a circus, taming a tiger (Aubrey), a leopard (Chris) and a pony? (Serena). Jamie “tames” each of the girls in turn, and instead of the old stick your head in the lion’s mouth trick, he does the dick in the tiger’s mouth trick. Pretty cheap makeup on the girls, as it rubs off all over Jamie as the scene progresses. Still, they’re definitely trying. It’s a lot more interesting than anything you’ll see in American porn today. Jamie ends the scene by cumming on Serena’s face.

Finally, the plot wraps up with Jamie stealing the half a million from Allen (who can’t report it to the police since it’s “undeclared income”) and absconding with the girls too.  All’s well that ends well.

Other things we mentioned on the show:

Additional Web Resources:

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Trinity Brown (1984)

Trinity Brown has ADVENTURE!

Trinity Brown has SEX!

Trinity Brown is full of FAST ACTION and FAST WOMEN!

Tonight on Nightcalls on Playboy Radio (SiriusXM 102), we’ll be discussing Robert McCallum‘s 1984 potboiler, Trinity Brown.

It’s trailer was one of the best, mostly for its strident voiceover. Watch it over at VCX’s site.

The trailer made this one of my favorite movies.  When we first saw the trailer in college, my roommate and I couldn’t stop quoting “Trinity Brown has EXCITEMENT!” to one another — oftentimes making up silly things Trinity Brown has… at breakfast, Trinity Brown has PANCAKES! was likely heard more than once… so we were looking forward to this movie.

Having this “talking about old porn” segment every week is making me go back and pick out stuff that I liked and haven’t seen in quite a long time.  Happily, many of these titles are enjoying rediscovery and are available on DVD or VOD.  However, I watched this one on VHS, old school, from a dub made for me by Peter van Aarle — which means the movie had Dutch subtitles.  In the 90s, companies in the US were cutting up their classic movies (bye bye turkey fucking) and you could only get ahold of the uncut titles overseas; so Peter would send care packages.    (I should point out that Trinity Brown hasn’t been cut up.)

If you couldn’t tell from the box cover, Trinity Brown, played by Colleen Brennan, is an LA Cop; John Leslie plays her partner (in most senses of the word), Zack.  We first meet them as they’re rolling up on a crime in progress.  The bad guy has Zack pinned down, he draws his gun, shots ring out — Trinity Brown saves her partner!

What follows is a servicable enough cop story — it’s “Adam 12” level detective work, modern audiences will probably put it together… but maybe not, since the filmmakers tacked on an ending where Trinity and Zack spell out the resolution of the case in voiceover as B-roll of driving down an LA highway flashes by before the ending credits roll over them.

So, I won’t discuss plot – enjoy it for yourself — but I will discuss a couple of sex scenes that you should spend some VOD minutes on…

At 9:55 in, Colleen and John start to go at it until they’re interrupted by a call from the stationhouse.  The bit of tit-play and dirty talk here are top notch.  Colleen has a rack you can lose yourself in.

They pick it back up at 15:50 with some generic before bed chit-chat which turns into John frigging Colleen as she stands next to the bed.  This is aces.  They have a nice screw and he cums on her face.

At the 46 minute mark, Colleen goes to question Jamie Gillis in connection with the case, but to get in the office she poses as a wannabe actress, so Jamie rolls out the casting couch.  They have a spirited session together, lots of good eye contact and kissing and talk throughout.  The scene is intercut with an also fine (but not at the same level) swive between John Leslie and Tamara Longley.

Trinity Brown has SEX!

Tonight on Playboy Radio: High School Memories

Tonight we spoke about Anthony Spinelli’s 1980 classic High School Memories.

I first saw this movie when I was in high school, and it quickly became one of my favorites; and re-watching it, 25 years later, it remains one of my favorites, but perhaps for different reasons.

Back then, it was due to the subject matter – the jocks on the bus banging all the cheerleaders; staying at a hotel in an away game and raising hell…  That’s every HS kid’s fantasy, right?

Now, tho, I like it both for the nostalgia that accompanies the watching of a favorite movie, but also for the perspective that being 42 brings to the movie, as opposed to 17.  The movie is framed by Annette Haven, in town for a reunion, telling Chris Hopkins (aka Diana Holt in what’s arguably her first role)  stories over drinks about high school… but Annette wasn’t a student there, rather, she was the faculty head of the cheerleaders.  She and  Coach Salinas (expertly played by Jamie Gillis) both banged students during one of the road trips which led to both of them losing their jobs.

Of course, Salinas shows up at the bar, and seems to be a changed man.

Salinas became a punchline among my friends back then — we’d often joke about his mannerisms, how he’d mutter dirty things under his breath (“how you would you like a fucking hard dick in your cunt?“) — and they’re just as amusing to me now (your mileage may vary).  (Looking at it now, the muttering actually seemed to be done in post-production, as the audio seems almost all dubbed.)

Annette’s scene with Steve Parks when she plays teacher (“I adore letter men; espcially 17 year old letter men.“) is so amazingly slow and seductive — “I don’t know what to do,” he says, and she stands, walks to the side of the bed, and reveals herself in a leotard and then shows him exactly what to do.  The music is soft and romantic, and they take their time, lots of kissing, and as he works his way down her body, she musses his hair and then just leans back, runs her fingers through her own hair, and just enjoys it as she lets him go to work…

But the increasing melancholy over how things turned out and what might have been are palpable — Annette really sells it in some of the bar scenes, so when (spoiler alert!) Annette and Jamie finally hook up at the end, there actually is some emotional pay-off.

Dorothy LeMay and Jamie Gillis

Other notable highlights –

  • John Leslie and Dorothy LeMay setting a very high bar in a very brief suck and fuck which ends with a hands free cumshot after LeMay drops his cock out of her mouth
  • Jamie Gillis‘ spasm after Chris Hopkins finishes blowing him
  • Jamie Gillis‘ Groucho Marx routine — while wearing a bathrobe that says “Head Coach” — before he bangs Dorothy LeMay — “Ms. Adams – when we’re travelling, you’re fucking somebody all the time.  Have you noticed? If it’s not Nunzio, it’s Jack; if it’s not Jack, it’s Al; if it’s not Al, it’s Nunzio.  So why don’t you fuck me, Ms. Adams?” to which she replies in my buddies’ oft-quoted way, “Coach Salinas!” and then as they finish up “Don’t you want to come on my face?” “What do you think I am? A fucking animal?” as he pulls out and cums on her panties.
  • The way Jamie pulls his cock away from Annette as she’s blowing him because he just can’t wait to fuck her… and the way she comfortably giggles after they climax.