There are girls with a great sense of humor, and then there’s Missy Martinez, who would give Kristen Wiig a run for her money, and probably make Amy Schumer blush. Self deprecating, sarcastic, downright filthy, and being a total cornball are all in Missy’s comedic repertoire. She is freaking hilarious, but that’s not her only great attribute.
Never mind the fact that she’s a college graduate and a total brainiac who could make someone with above average intelligence feel like a simpleton if she felt like it. Forget about how she’s a well known video game nerd, who hanging out would be like hanging out with one of the guys, one of the really cool guys technically, but with one big exception….. Ain’t no guys you’re hanging out with that look like this!!! Missy Martinez is smokin’ hot!!! Ask her of course, and she’ll tell you there are two BIG exceptions, both of which are located on her chest.
As her well over 100 credits on IAFD can attest, big boobs alone haven’t allowed Missy this much career longevity though. She is well rounded in her sexual prowess to say the least, and well rounded in every other aspect as well. In my opinion, she’s one of the coolest, most impressive, and all around fun ladies around.
Gabriel Lan: Your ‘motivational’ tweets on Twitter never fail to entertain, and they’re just one of the many reasons you were named IAFD’s Spank Bank Award winner of the ‘Tweeting Twat of the Year’. Where do you come up with some of this stuff??? LoL
Missy Martinez: My mind is a dark, scary place. Like my vagina. Twitter has given me access to ruining everyone’s day.
Gabriel Lan: You have a GREAT sense of humor. (Haha) Twisted, of course, but GREAT nonetheless. To what do you attribute your comedic timing, delivery, and sense of humor in general?
Missy Martinez: Thank you! Life is shitty and then we die. I try to make people chuckle in between the masturbation and misery.
Gabriel Lan: My dad always said, “If you can’t take a joke, fuck ya….”. I would assume you abide by this ideal as well LoL. I mean, if you can’t laugh at yourself, right?
Missy Martinez: Either EVERYTHING is funny or NOTHING is funny. There is no such thing as “too soon” or “off limits”. I poke fun at sensitive issues/events because that’s how I deal with stress/tragedy and life in general. If people are looking to me to be a “moral compass”, that compass will lead you straight to hell.
Gabriel Lan: Have you ever done standup comedy? I’d imagine you would be great at it.
Missy Martinez: I’ve done standup comedy many times at The Comedy Store. Comedian Brian Redban encouraged me to pursue comedy and give it a shot. He’s my “Comedy Yoda”. I just need to drag my tits back up on stage.
Gabriel Lan: There’s something I saw you mention recently, and I wasn’t sure if you were just horsing around…. You said that you don’t speak very much Spanish? Is that true??? Where did you grow up?
Missy Martinez: I speak less Spanish than Donald Trump. I grew up in SoCal, my dad is brown and my mom is white. I enjoy hot sauce.
Gabriel Lan: What was ‘Missy Martinez’ like before she became the porn super star she is today?
Missy Martinez: I could never keep clothes on as a kid and had to be the center of attention. It was only a matter of time.
Gabriel Lan: You’re actually a college graduate though, correct? What was your major and what do you have a degree in?
Missy Martinez: I have my degree in Criminal Justice with an emphasis on Biology. I’m trained to perform autopsies. I just deal with different “stiffs” right now.
Gabriel Lan: So, your understanding of rigor mortis gives you even more insight into erections then?
Missy Martinez: Yes. It also makes me appreciate when the people I have sex with AREN’T in varying states of decomposition.
Gabriel Lan: Do you have aspirations of working in that field once/if you ever decide to leave the adult industry?
Missy Martinez: That was my goal. Sadly, there is a lot of nepotism in the autopsy world, so it’s competitive with few employment openings. I’ll have to get back to you on this one.
Gabriel Lan: Being in porn, you probably eventually get the chance to act out some of your personal fantasies, huh?
Missy Martinez: Oh, yeah. Getting paid to cum is cool.
Gabriel Lan: What’s something you haven’t done yet that you’re wanting to do?
Missy Martinez: DIRECT!!! My mind is flooded with erotic nonsense I need to unleash on the world.
Gabriel Lan: Have you had discussions with any companies about directing? Surely someone has thought about giving you a platform to express your own vision….
Missy Martinez: I’ve been in touch with a few companies, but nothing is concrete yet. LoL I’ll name my firstborn (that I don’t abort) after whoever gives me the opportunity.
Gabriel Lan: If anyone wanting to hire new directors is out there reading this, what sorts of “erotic nonsense” would you like to unleash on the world?
Missy Martinez: Without giving away my ideas, it would basically be the meshing of my sexuality and obtuse sense of humor. Boners and laughter: that is the goal.
Gabriel Lan: Let’s say I’m giving you full creative authority and a virtual unlimited budget (by industry standards anyway) to make a porn parody. What would it be? Who stars in it, and do you put yourself in the movie at all?
Missy Martinez: I would make “Pootie Tang XXX”, for obvious reasons. The name is pornographic enough. I would play every role.
Gabriel Lan: Obviously, we are going to talk about your tits. I mean, as you’ve said, you paid good money for them, so we ARE going to talk about them. But first, I want to talk about your pretty pink butthole. How do you keep it so beautiful? Do you have a workout
regime….for your butthole, I mean. Inquiring minds want to know!!! LoL
Missy Martinez: My asshole is made out of space age polymers (also used on the Hubble Telescope). I just give it breaks and make sure it’s always shaved.
Gabriel Lan: In a new era of lots of girls having bush in the industry, you have remained in the ‘smooth as silk’ category. Do you just prefer the bald feel/look?
Missy Martinez: I look weird with a bush. I’ve had landing strips before but it just doesn’t look right on me. Maybe later I’ll try again.
Gabriel Lan: Not only do you have one of the ‘smartest’ mouths in all of ….well, the world, honestly… but it is also one of the absolute sexiest. How often do you hear that “I bet she (you) could suck a golf ball through a garden hose” line?
Missy Martinez: People either LOVE or HATE my fake lips. It’s not permanent, but people still freak out. I mean, how else are people going to know I have low self esteem?!
Gabriel Lan: So, the boobs…. What made you decide to get them enhanced? Has having them made a big difference in how you feel about yourself or your own sexuality?
Missy Martinez: I had saggy pancake boobs. I was super insecure and wanted to feel comfortable topless. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Gabriel Lan: What would you view as ‘too big’?
Missy Martinez: ‘Too big’ would be at the point when I feel awkward hugging my dad with them.
Gabriel Lan: You had a toy come out recently, molded from your very….ummm….likeness lol. What was that like? Who made it, and where can your fans go out and get it?
Missy Martinez: Doc Johnson fulfilled mine and the world’s prayers by molding my taco! It was super awesome, and the only time I’m cool with having the word “mold” next to my vagina. Get it soon at MyPocketPussy.com/missymartinez
Gabriel Lan: You are pretty active with webcamming as well. When do you start doing that, and how much do you think it, in general, has affected the adult industry?
Missy Martinez: I’m on Streamate most days that I’m not shooting. It’s money, plus I enjoy orgasms. It’s a great way to interact with fans and make new ones.
Gabriel Lan: Have you, for the most part, had a positive experience with webcamming?
Missy Martinez: It has definitely helped me be a better performer. I’m an amazing dirty talker now.
Gabriel Lan: You’ve been in the business for 7 years now, so you’ve been on a LOT of porn sets. What, for you, makes for a good (or even great) day on set?
Missy Martinez: Be efficient and not waste time and please have snacks. Bonus points for gummy bears.
Gabriel Lan: It is common knowledge that you are an uber nerd, gamer girl….. what kind of games do you like? Do you play online?
Missy Martinez: I’ve been gaming since I was 7. I prefer First Person Shooters predominately but I also play some MMOs. Currently I just beat the Fallout 4 DLC ‘“Automatron”. I play sparingly online because I’m a campaign girl at heart.
Gabriel Lan: Your wardrobe, at least what I’ve seen, consist of a LOT of bikinis and high heels. What is your typical ‘lying around the house’ or ‘I’m gaming today’ attire?
Missy Martinez: The “bikini/heel” combo is what I wear when I’m slangin’ my holes on webcam. My typical lounging attire is usually a big, comfy shirt and nothing else.
Gabriel Lan: Other than gaming, what else do you enjoy doing in your free time?
Missy Martinez: I enjoy naps, drinking wine, and anonymous bathroom sex.
Gabriel Lan: Clearly, you have all the qualities that the vast majority of people find ‘sexy’. What do you find ‘sexy’? What attracts you to another person? What does someone have to do to be in a relationship with you…… or at least get in your pants?
Missy Martinez: Be smart and be funny. You’re a shoe-in if you meet both of those criteria. I don’t have a specific “type”. Bonus points if you’re a sociopath.
Gabriel Lan: If we’re being honest, we ALL have some sort of fetish; something that just turns you on, whether it’s a completely ‘normal’ turn on, or something that’s just off the wall ‘odd’. What is your biggest fetish?
Missy Martinez: I enjoy being choked in my personal life. I’m like a slutty victim.
Gabriel Lan: Let’s play a little game of ‘Murder, Marry, Fuck’… Murder, Marry, Fuck: Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Justin Beiber. And why?
Missy Martinez: Marry J.T., Fuck Kanye, and Kill Beiber. On second thought, I’ll just kill them all and then fuck their dead bodies.
Gabriel Lan: Murder, Marry, Fuck: Selena Gomez, Kim Kardashian, Demi Lovato. And why?
Missy Martinez: Kill Kim 3 times.
Gabriel Lan: 2016 is an election year, so if you were a presidential candidate, what would you’re platform consist of? What would be the issues you were firing up your constituents over?
Missy Martinez: I’m Mexican. I’m not allowed to vote, let alone run for office lol.
Gabriel Lan: Your showcase movie ‘Missy Martinez Fucked Ra’ contains your 1st and only DP. What will your next “1st” be?
Missy Martinez: A gangbang would be neat.
Gabriel Lan: ‘Fucked Ra’ is obviously a reference to the Egyptian sun god Ra. If you were an Egyptian goddess, what would you be? The Egyptian goddess of what?
Missy Martinez: The Egyptian Goddess of Sarcasm and Pretty Pink Buttholes.
Get your daily dose of the highly entertaining Missy Martinez all over social media on:
Twitter – @MissyXMartinez
Instagram – @missyxmartinez
Snapchat – missyxmartinez
Spoil her Amazon: Missy Martinez
Become a member of her website: MissyMartinez.com