The Spank Bank 2018 Awards Winners Are…

LIVE from their traditional locale in the suburbs of warm, sunny  Nowhere Special, USA, the 8th annual Spank Bank Awards proudly presented by IAFD.com were held over the weekend. As always, there were a record number of pornstars receiving a record number of awards as well as the recognition that they all so richly deserve.

Before the awards show even started, an enormous amount of previously unannounced Technical Category awards was handed out to the winners as nominees arrived on the red carpet.

In typical, time honored fashion, Spank Bank Awards founder Gabriel Lan opened the festivities by welcoming everyone in attendance and thanking them for their contributions to the industry, peace on Earth, and humanity in general. Lan then introduced show host-for-life Missy Martinez, who opened with a touching, heartfelt monologue about mental health awareness, sex worker equality, and a plea for kindness and compassion towards one another. She then moved on to musings about manatees, having a butthole but no ass, and the ugly side of being ‘easy’.

Meanwhile, trophy girl Charlotte Sartre was backstage sticking the first two awards of the evening up her butt to bring to the stage. Several times during the show, Charlotte did double anal trophy presentation with relative ease, and even shove three trophies up her ass a handful of times, accomplishing triple anal trophy presentation without much difficulty. With an overwhelming number of awards being handed out, trophy stuffer Ryan Riesling had her hands full, so Ms. Martinez twice randomly thrusted at least a half dozen statues up her ass, walked out on stage and fired them off, in order, to the winners sitting in the audience.

As the last award of the night was handed out (The Dirty Little Slut of the Year), Missy sat down for a well-earned glass of wine and an entire platter of mozzarella cheeses sticks, while also thanking Charlotte and Ryan for their dedication and effort by peeing in their mouths.

Over one hundred Major Category award winners in all were handed out before the night was over, filled with record setting and record breaking performances, a few surprises, and a whole lot of good-natured, filthy, fun filled recognition to all of the hard working men and women of the adult film industry.

*Note: Spank Bank Awards are voted on by a panel of porn critics (me), noted adult film connoisseurs (me), outside adult industry media insiders (me), X-rated film fans (also me), and a committee chairman (you guessed it: me). Nominees who entice or influence the panel with any form of ‘sweet talking’, ‘sexual innuendo’, ‘buttering up’, or outright eluding to sexual favors greatly increase their chances of winning.

So, without further ado, here is the list of this year’s winners:

(Reverse) Cowgirl Connoisseur of the Year

Airtight Angel of the Year

Amazing Anal Artist of the Year

America’s Porn Sweetheart

Asian Empress of the Year

ATM Machine

Baroness of Licking Lady Ass

BBC Lover of the Year

Beautiful Blonde of the Year

Best All Around Porn Goddess

Best Body Built For Sin

Best Booty

Best DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)

Best ‘Fuck Me’ Eyes

Best ‘Just Got Fucked’ Hair

Best Legs

Best ‘O’ Face

Best Smile

Best Spitter / Drooler

Best Swallower

Best Vocals (While Being Railed With Cock)

Bewitching Brunette of the Year

Bionic Butthole

Blowbang / Bukkake Badass of the Year

Bondage Artiste of the Year

Boobalicious Babe of the Year

Cock Worshipper of the Year (Best Whore Knees)

Contessa of Cum

Cosplay Queen

Countess of Contortionism

Creampied Cutie of the Year

Cuckold Queen of the Year

Customs Specialist of the Year

Deepest Throat

Dirty Distributor of the Year

Doctoral Degree in Dildology

DP Dynamo of the Year

Ebony Princess of the Year

Empress of Nipple Paradise

European Enchantress of the Year

Excellence in ‘Lawn’ Maintenance (Best Groomed Bush)

Exotic Femme Fatale of the Year

Facial Cum Target of the Year

Fetish Virtuoso of the Year

Fucking Nerd of the Year

Fun Sized (Spinner of the Year)

Gangbanged Girl of the Year

Gloryhole Guru of the Year

Group / Orgy Maestro of the Year

Guru of Gonzo (Director – Web/Gonzo)

Hardest Working Ho in Ho Biz

Instagram Girl of the Year

Latina Starlet of the Year

Life Sized Human Hand Puppet (Best Fistee)

Magnificent MILF of the Year

Master of Filth (Director of the Year – Body of Work)

Masturbator of the Year

Mattress Actress of the Year

Minstrel of Smut (Director – Plot Driven)

Mistress of the Strap On

Most Adorable Sexual Deviant

Most Awe Inspiring Gape

Most Beautiful Seductress

Most Comprehensive Utilization of All Orifices

Most Energetic Fuck Bunny

Most Fuckable Feet

Most Luscious Labia

Most Photogenic Nymphomaniac

Most Underrated Slut

Most Volumptous Vixen

Natural Born Cock Killer

Newcummer of the Year

Oral Authority of the Year

PAWG of the Year

Pay for Play Website of the Year

Pipe Laying Actor of the Year

Porn’s ‘It’ Girl

POV Perfectionist of the Year

Prettiest Girl In Porn

Prettiest ‘Whore Mouth’

Pretty In Pink (Prettiest Pussy)

Production Studio of the Year

Puppeteer of the Year (Best Hands/Fister)

Pussy Phenomenon of the Year

Queen of Cunnilingus (Girl/Girl Star of the Year)

Ravishing Redhead of the Year

Royal Majesty of the Stripper Pole

Sensational Scissorist

Servile Sub of the Year

Sharing Is Caring (Cumswapping Cutie of the Year)

Size Queen

Snapchat Sweetheart of the Year

Sovereign Dom of the Year

Super Squirter of the Year

Tattooed Temptress of the Year

The Dirtiest Player in the Game

The Dirty Little Slut of the Year

The Girl Next Door … Only Better

The Most Spanked To Girl of the Year

The Sexiest Woman Alive

The Total Package

Three Kielbasas in a Corridor (Triple Anal Pundit)

Threesome Savant of the Year

Tortured Fuck Doll of the Year

Tweeting Twat of the Year

Two Hot Dogs in a Hallway (Double Anal Prodigy)

Two Peas in a Pod (Double Pussy Precisionist)

VR Star of the Year

Webcam / Skype Show Girl of the Year

The Technical Awards

“10,000 Degrees Hotter Than The Chernobyl Meltdown”: Kira Thorn

“Horniest Ice Cream Loving, Stuffed Animal Cuddler”: Joseline Kelly

“Part Fairy, Part Angel…… Part Devil”: Gabriella Paltrova

“Quintessential ‘Lady in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets'”: Chanel Preston

(Red) Gatorade Spokesperson of the Year: Katrina Jade

A Living Ray of Sunshine: Jada Stevens

Best Alternative Use of Rope and Carabiners: Casey Calvert

Best At ‘Taking It To The Mattresses’: Valentina Nappi

Best Beach Booty: Tiffany Watson

Best Belfies: Karlee Grey

Best Birthday Suit: Jaye Summers

Best Blasting of a Twitter Troll: Alex Grey

Best Butthole Powered Food Processor: Sasha Heart

Best ‘Date Night’ Attire: Lisey Sweet

Best Display of Bathtub Twerking: Maddy O’Reilly

Best Display of Self Auto Correcting: Arya Fae

Best Display of Self Edging: Haley Reed

Best ‘Floor Exercise’: Vanessa Sky

Best ‘Game Worn’ Panties: Kenzie Taylor

Best Interlocking Grip … On And Off The Golf Course: Adria Rae

Best Laugh: Anya Olsen

Best Lingerie / Heels Collection: Ariana Marie

Best Low Maintenance Hairstyle: Riley Nixon

Best ‘Magic Wand’ Skills: Ella Nova

Best Masturbation Related Public Service Announcements: Dana DeArmond

Best New Starlet (Cam Show Edition): Casey Calvert

Best Part Time Movie Theater Job Co-Worker: Kimmy Granger

Best Pee Break Selfies: Ashley Fires

Best Piercing : Lolita Taylor

Best Potential SNL Host EVER!: Eliza Jane

Best Unicorn Impersonation: Katrina Jade

Best Use of Power Tools: Charlotte Sartre

Bubbliest Hermit: Honey Gold

Buttplug Bunny: Anna de Ville

Cereal Killer: A.J. Applegate

Compassionate Devourer of Souls: Dahlia Sky

Culinary Cum Expert: Mandy Muse

Cumback of the Year: Tori Black

Cutest Comic Book Nerd: Dolly Leigh

Cutest Crazy Cat Lady: Sasha Heart

Cutest Voice: Sofi Ryan

Debaucherous Caesar: Amara Romani

Delightful Decadence For Over A Decade: Sarah Vandella

Dirtiest Disney Princess: Penny Pax

Dirtiest ‘Other Valley’ Girl: Blair Williams

Enchanting Elven Anal Princess: Alexa Nova

EnthusiASStic Anal Enthusiast: Selvaggia

Everyone’s Favorite Co-Star: Vicki Chase

Excellence In Provocative Editing: Angela White

Facesitting Phenom: Lana Rhoades

Favorite Multiple Degreed Retiree: Timea Bela

Filthiest High Fashion Model: Alex Harper

Foreplay Fanatic: Kate England

France’s Greatest Gift to the USA Since The Statue of Liberty: Luna Rival

Friendly With Everyone …. Except Tequila: Elsa Jean

Full of Rainbows and Glitter: Gabriella Paltrova

Giggles and Rainbows 99.999% of the Time: Aidra Fox

Gordon Ramsey’s Favorite Pornstar: Eva Lovia

Hawaii Five-Ho: Samantha Rone

Houdini’s Favorite ‘Cock Illusionist’: Amirah Adara

House Slytherin’s Favorite Slut: Holly Hendrix

I’m Your (Toilet) Baby Tonight: Charlotte Sartre

Inked Rookie of the Year: Ivy Lebelle

InstaLive Workout Video Vixen: Alex Grey

Juiciest Thang: Keisha Grey

Kelly Rowland’s Dirty Doppelgänger: Ana Foxxx

Least Likely To Be Found With A Hairy Butthole: Missy Martinez

Magistrate of Missionary: Lauren Phillips

Magnificent Mythical Being: Lily Labeau

Miss Personality: Abigail Mac

More ‘Popular’ In Idaho Than The Potato: Tiffany Watson

More Treasured Than A Boat Full Of Loonies: Riley Nixon

Most Accommodating Jizz Biz Mentor: Romi Rain

Most Adept Guard Dog Trainer: Maddy O’Reilly

Most Adorable ‘Despondent’ Selfies: Ryan Riesling

Most Electrifying ‘Becky’: Abella Danger

Most Elegant Equestrian: Brett Rossi

Most Exuberant Anal Orgy Participant: Francys Belle

Most Gracious International Icon: Angela White

Most Lickable Taint: Kira Noir

Most Likely To Be Gangbanged Under The Big Top: Leya Falcon

Most Likely To Check Out Other Girls’ Butts While Doing Yoga: Giselle Palmer

Most Likely To Earn A Michelin Star: Serena Blair

Most Likely To Fuck A Centaur: Riley Reyes

Most Likely To Get Uncomfortably Horny During A Bumpy Uber Ride: Honey Gold

Most Likely To Have Sex During Church Service: Lily Rader

Most Likely To Have Sex in a Snowstorm: Olive Glass

Most Likely to Include Blowjobs as a Form of Pain Management: Cherie DeVille

Most Likely To Pet A Cheetah: Megan Rain

Most Modest Vixen: Riley Reid

Most Organized Vixen: Melissa Moore

Most Overdue For Her Own Showcase : Jennifer White

Most PG / X-Rated Twitter: Elena Koshka

Most Photogenic ‘Nether Region’: Jada Stevens

Most Promiscuous Spiritualist : Arya Fae

Most Recognizable Butthole : Casey Calvert

Most Terrific Thighs: A.J. Applegate

Most Underappreciated Penis Gymnast: Anna de Ville

Most Underutilized Vagina: Missy Martinez

Most Valiant Vagina: Alexa Grace

My New Obsession: Joseline Kelly

Naughtiest ‘Military Brat’: Chloe Scott

Naughtiest Nanny: Lauren Phillips

Next Year’s Spank Bank Superstar: Riley Star

Olympic Medalist in Sexual Multitasking: Arwen Gold

Paragon Of Positivity And Happiness: Kissa Sins

Perfectly Proportioned ‘Twin Peaks’ : Violet Monroe

Perpetually Smiling: Anikka Albrite

Petite Powerhouse: Kristen Scott

Poonstruck: Cadence Lux

Porn Set Emergency Management Specialist: Whitney Wright

Pound-For-Pound Rough Sex Champion of the World: Angel Smalls

Prolapse Princess: Gabriella Lati

Pumpkin Carving Champion: Abigail Mac

Purest Heart With The Filthiest Mind: Samantha Rone

Radiantly Pregnant: Karla Kush

Sexiest Accent While Being Buttfucked: Tina Kay

Sexiest Homebody : Jaye Summers

Sexiest Pool Shark: Carolina Sweets

Sexiest Social Media Strategist: Whitney Wright

Sexiest ‘Wing Nut’ of All Time: Kenzie Taylor

Sexual Jedi: Stella Cox

Shining Brighter Than The North Star: Jillian Janson

Singlehandedly Making Nerds Profitable: Maddy O’Reilly

SoundCloud Boss: Carter Cruise

Spontaneous Splitter: Luna Star

Squat Master: Natalia Starr

Sunny Snow Bunny : Kagney Linn Karter

Sweeter Than A Georgia Peach: Hannah Hays

Sweetest Self Proclaimed Twitter Troll: Lena Paul

The 46th President of the United States of America: Cherie DeVille

The All American Girl: Anya Olsen

The ‘Could Have Been’ Greatest Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader EVER! : Jill Kassidy

The Gold Standard Of Glorious Nastiness : Adriana Chechik

The Next Great Rapper: Chloe Cherry

The Next Porn Mega Star: Skyla Novea

The Vagina Whisperer: Jenna Sativa

Too Dirty For Degrassi: Marley Brinx

Total Candle Whore: Jenna J Ross

Tranquil Nymphomaniac: Violet Monroe

Tremendously Tantalizing Thickness: Edyn Blair

Trent Reznor’s Favorite Pornstar: Amara Romani

Twitter’s Most Suspended Starlet: Alexa Nova

Ultimate Understanding of the Dewey Decimal System: Kendra Sunderland

Undisputed Scrabble Champion of the World: Haley Reed

World Sexiest ‘Pet Enabler’: Jessa Rhodes

World’s Dirtiest Runway Model: Belle Claire

World’s Greatest ‘Human Centrifuge’: Lisey Sweet

World’s Hottest Fisherman: Jojo Kiss