Last Chance to See: What I Learned From Porn @ Fringe NYC

[I was hoping to post this earlier as there’s only one more chance to see this show – the work and theatre friendly time of 2:00pm this afternoon.Hurry, you only have three hours.]

On Tuesday night, I ran into NYC to see “What I Learned from Porn” a one-man show starring Steven Kates, who is better known to porn viewers as non-sex performer Frank Bukkwyd.

When I first started watching porn, what drew me in (beyond the obvious) was the low-budget production of so many late-80s/early-90s productions.  New Wave Hookers had a grunge aesthetic and its sets were literally made of cardboard. The productions were thrown together and some of my favorite performers from that era had a gameness to their performances that I would really appealing as a college theatre/TV student.  The Randys, Spears and West, were often found in movies written by Cash Markman, and they were my favorite “plotted” porn at the time; light, breezy and a little bit cheesy.

So when I heard that Markman’s protege was doing a one-man show as part of the Fringe NYC festival, I felt compelled to check it out.

I did a little research and found out that the show had been written and first performed back in 2010 during a workshop run by Ann Randolph and then done sporadically since then, so the piece had time to be developed and it seemed like a pretty good fit for the Fringe.

I got into NYC earlier than I expected and I had some time to kill, but I didn’t want to go far because I wasn’t able to purchase tickets ahead of time, and I’ve had times when I’ve missed a Fringe show because they’ve sold out at the door, and I didn’t want that to happen.

I stopped off and grabbed a sandwich at one of my favorite neighborhood spots and then hung around the lobby of the theatre, charging my phone, waiting for the box office to open at 8:45.

Finally, I got my ticket and a few minutes after the opened the house, I went in.

I was alone.

Ruh-roh.

Happily, a second guy came in a few minutes later and right after the show started a girl snuck in, so we were an audience of three.

Frank opened the show with this public service announcement:

Pretty entertaining! But the energy of the show faltered a little as we moved from multimedia to real life. Some of this was no doubt due to the fact that there were only five people in the room, two of whom were involved in putting on the show.

The stories unfolded with ease and video clips and slides were used help illustrate some points.

Somewhat to their detriment, stories were mostly told generically, without mentioning names.  While I knew who he was talking about when he told the story of the time he “was working with an actor-director-producer on a script for a movie about the sad tale of his ex-girlfriend who got into porn, got caught up drugs and the Sunset Strip rock club life and passed away…”  I found it a little distracting that he didn’t just say  “I was working with Buck Adams on the story of Savannah‘s life and suicide for a movie called Little Girl Lost…”  (especially since everyone involved in the story is dead.)  I’m not sure what was gained by his coyness, where the details of adding names could only help increase the understanding.  Maybe he didn’t want to seem namedrop-y? But each time, it took me out a little bit.

The other times he didn’t use names I was fine with as he created pastiches of performers which weren’t always flattering, but seemed like they could have been composites more than actual biographies.

Towards the end, the story got a little dark as he moralized a little about the damaged people who also find their way into the adult industry, and while it was difficult tonal shift and seemed to run a little contrary to his “porn production is weird and fun” platform,  the sequence was effective. There *is* an underside to this thing called porn and not everyone in it is as well adjusted as Nina Hartley.

I thought it was odd coming in and out of this transition and would look for a way to ease it in.  The section was accompanied by a stark lighting shift (“dim, serious lighting!”) in a show that had very few lighting cues, so that made it extra jarring.  Perhaps if the lights were a little more jumpy in response to various sections of the text it would be easier to make the transition between sections (“Ah!” we should say to ourselves “A new thought brings new lights!”).

A small, related gripe: the presence of a music stand with notes on it.   In a workshop setting, perfectly acceptable — but a Fringe show is supposed to be half-a-step beyond the workshop, so I kinda expect a performer to be off-book.  It didn’t help that the A/C blew the pages off the stand a couple times.  Perhaps the multimedia design could be reworked so that slides introducing sections could be used as the crutches or signposts that the notes were providing.

Overall, I have positive feelings about the production and hope Kates is willing and able to further its development, perhaps with the help of someone with a little more experience in the one-man-show department; as I think the one-man-show is a special animal and a special kind of writing.

I really wish more people were in the room when I saw it, and that may be the fault of the publicity materials.  I’m not sure what the goal was in having the sole image for the show appear be a tribute to Salvador Dali or Frank Nelson, or more currently, The Yes Guy.  The picture doesn’t really look like Frank — granted I’m not as intimately familiar with his roles to say “Oh, that was most famous role as “Not the Yes Guy” in “Simpsons: The XXX Parody” (Real movie, fake character) — but I don’t think its the kind of picture that would bring in someone who didn’t know who Frank Bukkwyd was. Maybe a 9 panel Brady Bunch-y collage of his various looks and appearances (which he shows off to very funny effect via video in the show) or something more staged that had a bit of a punchline to it. (Him in a towel looking clearly out of place on a porn set; tho maybe that’s more an image for Dave Cummings to use…)

The show isn’t so serious about itself or about its subject, and while he says the show isn’t for everyone, it’s far from filthy; in fact, he seems to go out of his way to keep it from veering there.  Only briefly does he touch upon the discipline required to be a porn performer and the accouterments needed (douche, lube, condoms, etc.)  and its only in those moments that he really talks about sex in anything resembling graphic.  He teases the phrase “anal intercourse” through the course of the show, but it seems done in a way to counter the fact that he really doesn’t talk about the sex all that much.

And that’s fine, because he’s a non-sex performer, and before that, a writer.

The show’s program doesn’t mention a director and the publicity materials only credit “Alan Smithee’s Second Cousin” and that’s probably the show’s biggest failing.  With a good director to help shape the piece and force Kates to be a little more present at times, I think there’s a real entertaining (and tourable!) story to be had here.

Related links:

Today on Spice Radio: Naughty Girls Like It Big (1986)

Today at 11:30 Pacific / 2:30 Eastern on Spice Radio’s YouPorn (SiriusXM 103) I’ll be discussing Bob Vosse‘s 1986 movie, Naughty Girls Like it Big as it features today’s guest  Angel Kelly who will be talking with Ginger and Christy on their weekly Legends Show.

This movie also features John Holmes (who has his only scene in this movie with Angel) and I have to thank John’s biographer, Jill Nelson, for the title suggestion.

The plot is very simple – a group of college girlfriends get together and discuss the biggest cock they’ve ever seen.

It opens with Nina Hartley in a very nice red bra and panty set saying goodbye to Jim Malibu (who was also line producer on the movie) as he offers her additional money.  She says she doesn’t have time to go again as her college reunion is coming over, and he says the money is merely a bonus.  He leaves just as Porsche Lynn enters.  There’s squealing and hugging and Lili Marlene asks if it’s a private party and there’s more squealing and hugging and then Angel Kelly comes in, a little nervous.  Seems she’s a Lili’s younger sister who is currently attending City College and was just tagging along to meet Lili’s friends.  The girls ask Angel is one of the professors still plays grabass and she says he does.The girls then ask who Malibu was, and Nina explains he was a client… a very well hung client.

So Porsche jumps in and tells the story about the biggest dick she ever saw belonged to a guy named Lester (Tom Byron).  She was babysitting Lester’s younger siblings, since Lester was kind of slow and couldn’t babysit himself.  We dissolve to Tom drinking milk at a table (because all dimwits drink milk… look it up) and Porsche comes in and hits on him, asking why she doesn’t see him around school.He says he flunked a few grades, and she proceeds to ask him a bunch of leading questions that end up with her dropping her top and asking if he likes tits.  She teases him quite a bit, and its rather effective in its goals.  It’s a pretty hot intro.

This is young Tom, so he plays the confused teen pretty well.  She asks to see what’s in his robe, and he pulls his tighty-whiteys down, and she sticks her tongue out at him, and he grabs her head and pulls her into a kiss.  They make out for a bit and then she stops him so she can suck him off. About four sucks in, he says he’s going to cum, so she stops immediately to make sure she has ample time with this “little friend.”  I gotta give ’em points for attempting accuracy.  She then asks for him to meet her friend, Muffy; and she bends over the table and he just slides on in.  She instructs him to slow down, “to give your friend more time to play.”  She ends up reverse cowgirl on him, and Porsche has such a fantastic body.  Little heavy on the gyno closeups in this section — reverse cowgirl was designed for full body shots…

She tweaks her nipples as she turns around for regular cowgirl, and Tom finally manages to get a tit in his mouth… at about the same time she leaps off him and his cock starts spurting all over her ass and his legs.  We dissolve back to Nina’s apartment and Porsche reveals she married him.

Lili Marlene isn’t comfortable talking about it, especially in front of her “little sister” Angel so Nina tells about this one time — FLASHBACK! — when she hadn’t had sex for TWO DAYS, she starts to play with outfits in front of a mirror, trying on different attitudes, my favorite being a gum-snapping “Hey you!  Wanna fuck!?” followed by her purple-raincoat-clad “Lady Flasher!” She stops by a construction site in her Lady Flasher outfit (some surprisingly convincing rear projection, esp.for 1986), masturbates a little, and manages to catch the eye of Buddy Love and Mike Horner.  It’s every construction worker’s dream come true, and Buddy picks her right up, “Life’s too short to waste time!”

She wants to know “who’s first?” and Buddy says there is no first, she’s going to take them at the same time… and they drop trou as she drops to her knees, taking a cock in each hand.  (I’m not sure if I know any of my co-workers so well as to think I’d rub cocks with them with no prior planning.  Is this something we’d have talked about?  “I can’t wait until that day when some hot girl walks by and lets us fuck her at the same time!  Seeing your dick won’t be even a little awkward!”)

They waste no time, and after a little sucking and a little pussy licking, Buddy plunges right into Nina’s ladybits as she continues to suck off Mike.  This is a pretty energetic scene, and Nina gets into it.  We get a lot of nice body shots of Nina and her firm boobs shaking about. Position change and she’s blowing Buddy as Mike takes her from behind.  Position change again, and she’s on her back jerking off Buddy’s cock into her mouth while Mike cums on her belly. Dissolve to Buddy fucking a clean bellied-Nina and he pulls out and cums, allegedly.  The cumshot is dissolved between close-ups of his neck and his stroking cock over her belly, so we don’t really see anything.

They press Lili for details, but she again asks that they not talk about it in front of her “little sister” and Angel jumps in saying she’s not that little, and she’s not a virgin, and the first cock she saw (having only seen two) was very much like the ones they’re talking about.  “Big?  I mean HUGE.”

Angel Kelly and John Holmes in Naughty Girls Like It BigDissolve to City College, and Angel is in Professor Grabass’ classroom.  The Professor, Mr. Chester (John Holmes) comes in as she’s erasing the blackboard, and she starts to feel herself up when  he makes his move and  comes up behind her, slides his hands down the front of her pants, and asks her what she’s doing.  She demures.  He asks “What were you doing?  Fantasizing in my classroom? Playing with yourself?”  He leads it on so well, we can almost forgive the stupid sunglasses he’s wearing.

He says he keeps her in the front of class because he can’t stop thinking about her either, and she opens her dress, and his mammoth cock flops out of his pants (“It’s like a baby’s arm holding an apple!”) and after a little more talk, she drops to her knees and gets to work.  She’s lots of smiles here, and for my money, there’s nothing better than someone looking like they’re enjoying what they’re doing.

The scene has a playful vibe, and she looks up at him a lot.  She can’t get too much of it in her mouth, but she asks so sweetly, “Are you going to fuck me, Mr. Chester?” and he stands her up, unzips her skirt as she keeps jerking him off.  It really is amazing how big his dick is.  I’ve seen it countless times, but each time it surprises me.

He puts her up on his desk and she drops the bomb that this is “her first time” and he promises to be gentle.  This, sadly, shouldn’t be that difficult because his cock isn’t all that hard, so not a lot goes into her; a lot of the thrusting to begin with is just compression of his dick, and eventually, he gets to a point where it does slide in and out.  He stays clothed the whole time.  She moans about how nice he fucks her, and she smiles and lays back and enjoys it.  He stops fucking her and eats her out for a bit, getting her very wet and lubed up.  He turns her around for the “backdoor to paradise” and she asks if that way “will hurt” and he assures her it won’t, and after a misfire or two, he slips it in.  (Even Johnny Wadd had trouble finding the hole once in a while…)  He fucks her that way for a bit before shooting a very respectable load on her right ass cheek and thigh.

More pressing of Lili occurs, and she’s really uncomfortable; so Nina suggests what they need is her “toy bag for big girls” and Porsche and Nina attack Lili, and they’re all naked.  This is a little awkward for Angel — or Lili, even, who has been trying to protect Angel all night?  Not at all, and Porsche moves over to her as Nina eats Lili out.

I’ve always had a soft spot for Lili Marlene, and I think it’s because she looks just like my freshman year German teacher.  A little older, tall, blond, busty and Teutonic.  What a package. The girls pair off in various ways, and there’s a lot of moaning, but truth be told, no real connections.  I think it’s because they’re “acting” during the sex as opposed to just having sex… the dialogue distracts from the scene; and when they finally shut up, things start to move… and then Lili, on her way to eating Nina, briefly plays with Angel, and that seems a little out of character… but it’s only porn, right?

Once the mouths are well worked out, out comes the double-dong, and Lili starts fellating it, while Angel blows the other end… and suddenly the sisters are double-dong-ing it… if they weren’t so hung up on story leading up to this, the scene wouldn’t be so off-putting.  Lily seems to put off by all the sex talk that then seeing her sharing a dildo with her sister… little weird.  But Angel is totally game and looks really great, hips bucking against her sister’s…

Once all the girls are satisfied, the older girls all retire to the bedroom, and Angel stays behind to make a call… she calls someone and insists they come over to “my sister’s friend’s house” (so we haven’t dropped that notion) and after she goes back into the bedroom where the older girls are all going it, since breast fondling is what set Lili off.

Lili finally tells the story that when she tried modelling she was told her tits were too small, so she had them done.  Dissolve to a white room, and Ron Jeremy and his nurse Alexis Greco welcome Lili into his office.

Alex Greco is another starlet that didn’t have a long career – only 40 or so movies – and she wasn’t very porn looking.  She was an attractive girl you’d see in your office.

Lili Marlene, Ron Jeremy and the back of Alex Greco's HeadRon lays Lili down on his desk, and every time he touches her breasts, Lili squeals and squirms.  Alex gets into the act, eating out Lili and making out with Ron.  Ron is full of one liners – “We should do surgery now.  Would you like a local… or an express?” — and he helps Alex out of her nurse’s uniform.  Ron digs right into Alex’ box, focusing on her clit as he slides a few fingers into her.  Lili is behind her, massaging Alex’s perfect little tits.  Lili is feeling left out, and she has a breast just casually peeking out of her dress which is pretty hot.

Alex eats her out while Ron briefly fucks her from behind.  Then he turns her around and fucks her in a standing position as she noshes on Lili’s tits.  Then she lays back, and Lili returns the tit sucking favor.  Ron’s not plunging very deeply at first, but then the hammers hit home.

Lili finally demands satisfaction, she’s the patient after all; so she strips off her dress and gets into a position where Ron can fuck her doggie style while she 69s with Alex.

(I am always impressed with the bottom girl in this position, as it seems there is so many opportunities for a busted nose.)

As Lili goes to town on Alex’ ample bush, Ron moves himself around and sneaks the head of his cock into Lili’s mouth.  It’s a pretty awesome moment, and Lili doesn’t miss a beat with it.  Finally Ron pulls of Alex and cums which Lili is more than happy to lap up.

Back to the bed and the doorbell rings… it’s Angel’s boyfriend, Jerry Butler, who is lucky guy to walk into a four girl orgy.  The whole scene is pretty high energy and has a frenetic feel; there is always one girl in the throes of ectasy at one time; Jerry has a hard time keeping focus.  Everyone fights over his cock, and he ends up fucking Porsche and launching a big load (partially obscured by her head) over her torso, which the other girls clean up.

And then in the ultimate backhanded compliment, Angel leers “See ladies — doesn’t have to be big, to be good!” and we fade to credits which do a very good job of matching performer to name…

This was a very solid outing, and I wouldn’t hesitate in recommending it.  Everyone looked attractive, the director didn’t skimp on full body shots and paid attention to the faces of the performers — their most expressive parts! — and there’s not a lot to complain about here.

VOD available at HotMovies and AEBN; DVDs at Adult DVD EmpireAdultDVDMarketplace and XRentDVD

 

Ask the IAFD: Who are the Tallest MODERN Pornstars?

So, when we listed the tallest adult film actresses, we (and our fans) discovered that the tallest female pornstars are from a bygone era. The tallest we list,  Chanel Price stands an impressive 6’4″ (193cm) but she stopped working in 1989.  Everyone else on the list was stopped working in 2008 (or earlier) so, we were asked to provide stats on the modern era of porn performers, so here goes.  Our goal was to list the Top 20 actresses by height, but since there is a huge tie in the 5’11” (180cm) range, we’re listing 32 performers.

The Tallest Modern Pornstars (Still active in 2011-2012)

Zoey Paige
Active: 2012-2012
Height:183 cm (6’0″)
Desiree Devine
Active: 2007-2011
Height:183 cm
Jordin Skye
Active: 2006-2012
Height:183 cm
Katrena Starr
Active: 2004-2011
Height:183 cm
Misa F.
Active: 2007-2011
Height:183 cm
Angel Long
Active: 2001-2011
Height:183 cm
Miss Bee
Active: 2006-2012
Height:183 cm
Kitty Jane
Active: 2010-2012
Height:183 cm
Naomi
Active: 2012-2012
Height:182 cm
Mandy Slim
Active: 2011-2012
Height:181 cm (5’11”)
Alysha Rylee
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm
Athena Pleasures
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm
HotKinkyJo
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm
Holly Michaels
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm
Allaura Sweet
Active: 2006-2012
Height:180 cm
Emma Butt
Active: 2007-2011
Height:180 cm
Sabrina Deep
Active: 2007-2012
Height:180 cm
Alicia Stylez
Active: 2011-2011
Height:180 cm
Bethany James
Active: 2012-2012
Height:180 cm
Annette Schwarz
Active: 2003-2011
Height:180 cm
Kitty Caulfield
Active: 2007-2011
Height:180 cm
Jordan Kingsley
Active: 2008-2012
Height:180 cm
Marie Madison
Active: 2001-2011
Height:180 cm
Kelly Ashton
Active: 1996-2011
Height:180 cm
Tanya James
Active: 2002-2012
Height:180 cm
Lexi Bardot
Active: 2005-2012
Height:180 cm
Chyna
Active: 2004-2012
Height:180 cm
Faith Leon
Active: 2004-2012
Height:180 cm
Alison Tyler
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm
Alexis Grace
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm
Alia Janine
Active: 2009-2012
Height:180 cm
Billy Bales
Active: 2008-2011
Height:180 cm

Ask the IAFD: Who are the Tallest Pornstars?

We got tweeted today:

And since we’re here to help, we put together this list of porn the tallest porn gals. (We made the assumption the tweeter was looking for info on girls. Virtually everyone who writes us is looking for info on gals… so, forgive us if we left the boys out. If you want us to list the boys, tweet us @iafdcom, or leave a comment.

So, without further ado…

The Tallest Porn Gals

Chanel Price
Active: 1984-1989
Height:193 cm
Bunny Glamazon
Active: 1990-1995
Height:190 cm
Angelica
Active: 2001-2001
Height:190 cm
Annie Andersin
Active: 1997-2004
Height:190 cm
Alice Iver
Active: 2006-2006
Height:188 cm
Kerri Kravin
Active: 2002-2005
Height:188 cm
Nicole Bass
Active: 1999-2000
Height:188 cm
Quinn
Active: 1993-1993
Height:188 cm
Amanda Victoria
Active: 1995-1997
Height:188 cm
Cherry Lawson
Active: 1990-1995
Height:188 cm
Abbey
Active: 2007-2009
Height:186 cm
Elektra Glamour
Active: 2006-2006
Height:186 cm
Mary Monroe
Active: 1969-1969
Height:186 cm
Alexis Luv
Active: 2006-2007
Height:185 cm
Angelika
Active: 2003-2007
Height:185 cm
Ursula Moore
Active: 1995-2002
Height:185 cm
Nikita Gross
Active: 1993-2000
Height:185 cm
Julie Strain
Active: 1995-2004
Height:185 cm
Tall Goddess
Active: 2001-2008
Height:185 cm
Jarmila
Active: 2004-2007
Height:185 cm
River Taylor
Active: 2007-2007
Height:185 cm

Today on Spice Radio: Ginger Snaps (1987) and Orifice Party (1985)

I’m on the road again, so no long blog posting, but Hershel Savage is on YouPorn’s Legends Day with  Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon.  (You Porn can be found on SiriusXM 103 at 11-2 Pacific) and we’ll be touching on two movies he did – one is Orifice Party a mess of a movie from 1985, but it does have Christy in this costume:

And we really couldn’t miss an opportunity to talk about that.

We’ll also talk about Ginger Snaps a (better than Orifice Party) movie with Ginger as a starlet on the verge of her big breakthrough and a sex tape threatens to compromise her success.  You can tell this was made in 1987, as today, the sex tape would be met with largely stifled yawns.

It’s an all-star cast — everyone in the movie has a long list of credits.  Uber-legends Nina HartleyJoey SilveraRick Savage and Tom Byron lead things off, and rounding things out are Gail Force (180 titles) , Kim Alexis (116) and Melanie Scott (69).

Our segment is on at 2:30 Eastern / 11:30 Pacific.  It’s pretty freewheeling.  We occasionally take call-in guests.